Being Patterson ....

I thought you might like this article on Men's Health

2011-01-26T12:56:00.001-06:00

http://www.menshealth.com/celebrity-fitness/gerard-butler-300-workout

RE: Carquest inquiry

2011-01-19T11:26:00.000-06:00

From: Scott Patterson
Sent: Wednesday, January 19, 2011 11:19 AM
To: Scott Patterson (beingpatterson.sixdeucedeuce@blogger.com)
Subject: Carquest inquiry

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<DocGenBy>OCX Carquest Adapter : SAXON 8.9.0.3</DocGenBy>

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<Desc>OIL FILTER - LD</Desc>

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<Name>Test Location 5079</Name>

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<Name>TEST DC ACCOUNT</Name>

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<ExtendedInfo>http://weblink.carquest.com/acl/?mfgName=CFI&partNumber=85515</ExtendedInfo>

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<Desc>HI-POP OIL FILTR-RED</Desc>

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<ExtendedInfo>http://weblink.carquest.com/acl/?mfgName=RFI&partNumber=B1A</ExtendedInfo>

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Carquest inquiry

2011-01-19T11:18:00.000-06:00

<?xml version="1.0" encoding="UTF-8"?>

<!DOCTYPE ACXPartInquiryResponse SYSTEM "http://www.aconnex.com/DTD/ACXPartInquiryResponse_v1_0.dtd">

<DocGenBy>OCX Carquest Adapter : SAXON 8.9.0.3</DocGenBy>

</Envelope>

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<Desc>OIL FILTER - LD</Desc>

<Price>

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<Name>Test Location 5079</Name>

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<Name>TEST DC ACCOUNT</Name>

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<ExtendedInfo>http://weblink.carquest.com/acl/?mfgName=CFI&partNumber=85515</ExtendedInfo>

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<Desc>HI-POP OIL FILTR-RED</Desc>

<Price>

</Price>

<Msg/>

<ExtendedInfo>http://weblink.carquest.com/acl/?mfgName=RFI&partNumber=B1A</ExtendedInfo>

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<PartNum>NOTREAL</PartNum>

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Reflections ...

2009-07-09T09:08:00.002-05:00

Is this car worth marrying this woman for at least five years and possibly a Honda 400X to boot if you continue the ~~sham~~ ... errr ... loving relationship ordained by God? Jalopnik

I know this is not funny, but ... the fact that it was in New Jerz makes me wonder where Tony Soprano and the gang were when it happened. Hit?

Check dudes track record as he has served our country:

referred to Joe McCarthy as a hero for America. here
said terrorist would dance in the streets when Obama got elected. here
the abuses at Abu Ghraib was just hazing. here

His latest patriotic act ... here

As classy as Keisha Cole is slowly becoming ... Frankie manages do make her take two steps back. here

Sea Lions on the Point ... A new meaning to trapping sea lion ... Gawker

Is 43 too late for me to get one of these? Design Milk

Top Three Hip Hop Report ... Jay, Diddy, Ye ... Anybody surprised? Forbes

The birth of civilization is one thing, but this is a stetch ... The Sun

Obama = Hitler?? Really?? TalkingPoints

Afraid of the Dark? This should help. YouTube

The B1tch Set Me Up ... Part II

2009-07-08T16:09:00.003-05:00

Marion ... Marion ... Marion ....

You can not be serious.

My July 4th holiday was muddled in a hail of confusion and bullsh1t. Crying babies and inane questions had me pushed to my limits. I was about to channel my inner Michael Douglas from 'Falling Down' and go postal on some folks. I seriously needed a drink but I feared that alcohol would bring out the postman in me and I would not be able to 'Blame it on the A A AA cohol' (as if I had not heard that enough).

And then ... The calm came. Woo-sah!!!!!! Breathe in through the nose and force it out. Man, the rush of oxygen to the bloodstream was great, I felt renewed. Only to see the latest high yella brother on CNN report that former Chocolate City mayor Marion Barry had been arrested for stalking by Park Police in the city that loved him so much that they elected him multiple times, even after he was the subject of a DEA raid with a crack whore and pipe in hand. The Humanity.

Initially, I felt as though America's Mayor was being set up. A victim of harassment and the political assassination that has plagued him before. I was hot. I could not wait to blast a few of his critics for this unnecessary kick to the groin of a man who had suffered way more than his share for being a vessel for public service. But, something told me to wait. Don't fall victim to the haste of your younger days. Don't shoot then aim. I am glad I did.

http://www.washingtoncitypaper.com/display.php?id=37514

Apparently, the City Paper has covered the entire fiasco and the reporter was basically spoon fed all the information it needed by Barrys' ex-girlfriends ex-husband.

Now if anybody associated in any story are too exes removed ... it's a setup. I don't care if it is a ex-poolboys ex-dopeman ... it's a setup. My mother told me at a young age that if any of my excuses involved more the two other people that I would suffer a beating regardless of how good the story was.

The City Paper included the desperate attempt of a former crackhead to rid himself of the object in which he so fiended (sic) via phone messages:

“I’m gone. I’m not gonna think about it anymore. I’m not gonna worry about it like I used to, not gonna pray about it, not gonna do nothing....You don’t even exist. Goodbye, good luck, God bless you.”
“Wake up, Donna. Come down here and enjoy yourself. Let’s meet and try to resolve this thing. You don’t want to meet? I’m gone.You won’t hear from me again.”
“I’m getting ready to leave the situation, but call me and we can meet away from your house. I would suggest in a park or something and talk about this....I want to help save your life. So, call me.”
“Donna, this thing’s gotten outta hand. That’s too bad. I don’t want to continue talking to you about anything and I don’t want to press no charges, I don’t wanna do nothin.’ I just want to be left alone and so you oughtta do the same thing. Don’t call me.”
“Donna, you don’t have to answer your home phone....Don’t call me back. I will not take a call from you; I’m not gonna call you, so this is it.”
“Donna, call me....I’d like to apologize and settle this matter. It’s not anybody’s interest to continue.”
“Call me and let me know what you think ’cause I’m ready to end all this and let it go. I apologize to you. I’m sorry. You know I love you and that after this we gonna go our separate ways and I’ll give up trying to help....Call me.”
“It’s not in either one of our interests or anybody’s interest to keep this stuff going. I’m prepared...to apologize...And, uh, so call me back. Please. On my cell phone.

They also included some comedy gold as,

"You put me out in Denver cause I would not suck your d1ck ..."

and

"We looked like Ike and Tina Turner fighting in the middle of a Las Vegas casino ..."

I'm wondering how I missed the latter event when it happened.

So on our nations birthday, MB and his jump off (Ms. Donna Watts-Brighthaupt) planned a trip up the coast a bit to get back their loving ways and trap was set.

Marion refused to apologize to Brighthaupt's ex for having him banned from a CNN screening and so she called the trip off and took him home. But, it was sorta like the crack did to Pookie in New Jack, Barry had to spy on his ex-girl in the park and apparently did not do a good enough job on his camouflage or could not see very well through the lenses of his Bushmaster binoculars. Park police nabbed him and charged him with stalking.

So in my "Take the Wheel, Jesus" moment, I was spared the embarrassment of trying to defend Mr. Barry and came up with a few more precious quotables, all compliment to our illustrious mayoral leader.

MB ... you sent her to the car cause she would not bless the fireman????? HAHAHAHAHA ... Precious Moments.

F-Bomb : The Day After

2008-12-11T15:09:00.003-06:00

INT. DAYTIME AROUND 10a - OFFICE of the GOVERNOR ROD BLAGOJEVICH

The office appears as though a whirlwind has just hit it. Gov. Blagojevichs' (I always have to slow down when I type that name) secretary is busy answering several ringing phone lines while sitting on the remainder of her desk chair). She is asking some callers to hold, removing her ear from the phone when other callers chose to yell into the receiver, and some line she just refuses to answer.

The secretary is almost amazed as she spy the governor and his posse striding through the hole where the door once was.

GOVERNOR BLAGOJEVICH

(passing the secretary)

Hey, Peggy.

(stopping at the splintered door of his office)

Can you hop down to Starbuck's and get

me a triple mocha half whip tucked under

and nut rolled machiatto? It's my b-day,

yanno ...

(turning to the boys in his posse)

You boys want anything?

It's gonna cost you!!!!!

(The governor breaks into a blast of knee slapping laughter)

I crack me up ... But seriously, what happens the next day, your birthday, the day after you have been arrested for what you had revealed by way of wiretap, no less than two days after you stood with unionized employees that simply wanted their rights and stated that people caould tape anything he says. As if he was as Teflon as John Gotti. One week after Plaxico Burress was perp-walked in New York, Blagojevich took the same walk of shame. At least they let Plax come down to the station, they got dude at his crib ... in front of his neighbors (usually a look that would be reserved for Plax and the crew).

This type of stuff would be only plausible in a David Chase story like 'The Wire' or 'The Soprano's, it is certainly a great combination of the two. If the guy felt/knew he was being taped, why was he doing so much talking over the phone? Tony Soprano, Avon Barksdale, or Marlo Stansfield would all have come up with alternative communication than phones ... and they are criminals. If you are the governor, you would think he would have some inside track to information that was being gathered on you ... unless you have no friends.

All and all, I have created the most unusual excuses for mot showing up at work (some justified ... most were not), but I think having been arrested at my home, taken downtown and booked, and trying to find someone to answer the collect phone call to come bail me out would have sufficed.

Serious Consideration is Required

2008-12-03T11:10:00.003-06:00

If the Big 3 approves of this type of vehicle design decision, how can they possibly justify getting a government 'bridge loan'?

Ineptitude usually manifest itself in the choices that are attributed to you. Someone thought that a hatchback Trans Am would sell.

I thought that there was a 3 - 5 year span between concept vehicle to production approval. At least that is the standard line from automakers when they were asked some 10 years ago to start making vehicles that met certain fuel efficient standards. I guess they felt that it was easier or cheaper to lobby Congress rather than provide the product that the government and this country has asked for.

I can't say that I ever saw one of these on the street, but it looks a lot like the Dodge Magnum.

Houston's Finest ...

2008-11-26T15:24:00.002-06:00

Along with such things as :

the cute girl that is actually a dude
the candy hamburger that actually taste like .... a hamburger
the holiday where you actually have to work

I humbly submit -

The may appear to be that classic Mercedes SL that the ballers rolled back in the 90's, but upon closer inspection it is not.

This vehicle indeed can be had through Craigslist from a seller in the Houston area for the low low price $3,995.

If you are a 80's baby and the idea of cutting the alligator off an IZOD/LaCoste polo and pasting or gluing the said logo onto the brand new LeTigre polo then you would not have any problem with the fact that your SL is actually a Chrysler LeBaron. But let's just say you are either gonna roll solo or convince any passengers that the result of the Chrysler/Daimler merger. Good Luck.

Separation Anxiety ...

2008-11-21T09:39:00.004-06:00

I had a green coat once ... I loved that coat, but I left that coat in the balcony of the Wynewood Theater after watching Lady and the Tramp back in 1975. I got over the loss of that coat after being picked up in my step dads '72 Buick Century where the over-active heater had the cab of the car at just below inferno temperatures. That green coat was just another item added to the list of things that I thought I could not do without (Feressa Plouche being another), but did not actually feel robbed when I had to. That coat hopefully went to some good and Feressa should be getting out on parole any day now - God Bless her.

Among the latest political fallout is the Zogby poll commissioned by a documentary producer to go along with his film, Media Malpractice ... How Obama Got Elected. From the information promoting the film and website, the premise of the total effort is to proclaim that from the survey sample, a large degree of Obama supporters were driven by the media and conversely since the media is so enamored with PE Obama that their coverage has blinded the people and driven them to make uninformed decisions. The fallout of gathering and publishing the information as they did is much more wide-spread than that. Since this poll, its results, and the future of the documentary would never thrive without media assistance, then it is subject to media interpretation. Unfortunately, some media outlets will spin these poll results to their agenda and will take some of the most ordinary answers and cast some poor aspersions on people that don't really deserve it. Worst yet, some interpretation have been taken as if PE Obama was elected by the mindless of our nations population.

In the YouTube snippet posted on the site, there are some people that don't know the answers to some general news-of-the-day type questions and true they seem more knowing of the issue that were repeated during the campaign, most media driven, but very local. 512 voters is hardly a cross-section of the actual votes that were cast for the President-Elect. I don't have an issue with skirting the facts for comedy sake or to make a joke, but this is one of those cases where better judgement should have been exercised. With unchecked authority or proper sampling, the results of this poll could be used to undermine the national confidence in a man that is the tip of the sword for what this country will be for the next four years.

Nate Silver, of fivethirtyeight.com, stated that the poll got stupid answers because it asked stupid questions. Coming from a guy who makes a living on publishing polls, I have to agree. Looking further into the poll really shows how the context of this poll, as benign as the questions and answers are, have been raked over the coals to tough on the more base nature of the comments that are being made by the public at large. Comments that somehow attribute Obama's win solely to people of color (the poll numbers refute that), or that the majority of Obama voters were poor or uneducated (the poll also shows that to be untrue).

So say what you may about how the President-Elect has come to be the President-Elect, fact is that he is and it took more than minorities, low-income, or poorly educated to do so. The media, as powerful and broad-reaching as it is can not put a man in office (were that the case Al Gore would have had a turn).

True ... the poll and documentary has shown that there were/are some uninformed voters. True ... my heart sank just a bit to see the people of color on the video that were not prepared to represent for the first man of color in office. They may be portrayed as less than adept, but the poll shows that they interviewed hardly any NASCAR fans (i mean ... if you really want to show some less-than-smartness (sic) Talledega would seem like a good place to start).

So, I lamented about that coat for all of 30 minutes ... When Feressa figured she had a shot with Rodney Allen Rippy, I was devastated for about ... 30 minutes ... Al Gore and Florida, maybe a day or about as long as it took to realize I had to go back to work. You will have your chance to say I told you so in four years. Plain and simple ... get over it. The healing starts now.

Two Minute Hate

2008-11-20T12:51:00.004-06:00

Bare with me if you please. I am starting a new post that I plan to update regularly. I am by nature or nurture a cynical person and with today's constant reporting of the sublimely ridiculous, inane, and flat out stupid, I need a release.

Thanks to that summer reading list my mom found back in the summer of my freshman year, I give you my version of George Orwell's, 1984, "Two Minute Hate".

How in the hell does someone come up with the bright idea of becoming a pirate? Are they still called 'pirates' these days? What is the recruitment process like? God knows the military here is having a hard time replenishing the US military. Hell, a recruiter half as old as me tried to hand me a brochure in the grocery store the other day. I had to let him know, 'Dude, I got kids older than you.' So obviously, we need to stop trying to sell the GI Bill and start promising gold doubloons, rubies, and other such booty (sic).
You Republican honks are killing me with the question, "Why have we not heard anything more about Obama's campaign promises? He just said those things to get elected." First of all, he is not the president yet. If I could get a job and not have to 'go to work' right away, I will take my time too.
Please go away:

Joe the Plumber
Sarah Palin
Madonna/Mr. Madonna and your whole divorce fiasco (Go to Mexico)
All you dudes out there driving Volkswagen Beetles with the flower
The Clinton's (Bill and Hill, wherever Chelsea is .... go there)

The Al-Qaeda number two guy, Al-Zawahiri tossed a racial slur at PE Obama, Condi Rice, and Colin Powell. Dude .... could you have found a more up-to-date term other than 'house negro'? Julian Bond and Al Sharpton don't even use 'negro' anymore. We, as in Black people, are waaaaaaaaayyyy pass 'house negro' these days. If you want to get under the skin of a brother, make the claim that he has 'b!tch-a$$' ways or question his street credibility.
Ice Cube should be banished from gangster rap. Anybody in their 40's should stop proclaiming to be a gangster. Most 40-plus gangsters are still scraping toothbrushes on the floor or trying to get acclimated to the outside world.
A missile intercept test in Hawaii failed. WTF .... I'm headed to my basement chock full of Spam and Spam-associated products now. The failed test cost $55 million, for half of that I could fit 3 more people in the basement and they can have two slices of fried SPAM.

That's my time .... Please tip your waitress and don't forget to try the veal.

I'm out to try and Hi-Jack something .... Peace.

'W' please go quietly ...

2008-11-13T10:08:00.002-06:00

'W' put out feelers to certain publishing houses about crafting his memoirs and the silence was deafening. Understandably so, I mean is there anything to gain from reading his view on the last eight years? Bush is not a guy with the great gift of subterfuge, so the things he directed as President and the motives are fairly clear, so I don't think the general public is ready for the Bush book tour which would surely include an appearance on 'The View' and Elizabeth Hasslebeck's GOP lap dance (I just threw up in my mouth).

So in the absence of hearing G-Dub stammer about the behind the scenes events of the last eight years, comes news that '43' will more than likely follow the lead of Harry Truman and recuse himself and fellow crooks ... er .... cronies from testifying before any court that has questions on who knew what when CIA agent Plame was exposed, why attorneys that were not compliant with Bush edicts were fired, why were GITMO detainees denied an opportunity to speak with anyone other than the guys that were torturing them, etc.

The right to escape or block such inquiries was brought to light in '53 after Truman left and Eisenhower took over and the country wanted to know how an individual that had at one point been labeled a Communist could be appointed head of the International Monetary Fund by the Fair Deal author.

Truman quickly had his lawyer's draft a letter explaining that any testimony that he could offer would be a violation of trust to the office that he no longer held and the '53 Congress backed off even though there was no legal precedence that gave him that true power.

Since then, Nixon used the Truman reference to dodge Watergate testimony and now Poppy's eldest boy is poised to block any questions citing the same incident. Somehow the Jack Nicholson scene from 'A Few Good Men' comes to mind, "You can't handle the truth!!!!"

Please Mr. Bush, go quietly into that good night ...

Get Out of My TV ...

2008-11-13T09:51:00.003-06:00

I can be more tolerant than most people would guess. I give most people a pass as they try to fabricate the image they chose to present to the outside world - up to two particular points. Don't try to convince me when I know better (especially when you don't make a salient point) and overexposure is never a good thing for anybody, anytime, no matter the circumstance.

With that being said, I have pushed away from the table, but yet I am being force fed a spoiled helping of Sarah Palin and the retching spasms have started. Somebody please take her off my TV before I end up deep sixing in the same fashion as Jimi Hendrix or Mama Cass Elliot.

Governor, you are exceeding your fifteen minute limit. Every moment over the limit is causing excruciating pain to everyone capable of receiving television broadcast transmissions.

People, Please .... There are still more than 60 days before the Inauguration.

2008-11-12T12:30:00.006-06:00

In case you have been under a rock for the last week or so, the senator from Illinois has gain the confidence of this nation and been elected President.

After taking a short breath, President-elect Barack Obama (sounds weird, huhn) has stayed just as busy vetting potential cabinet members and assuring as smooth a transition into the White House as possible. Winning the honor to lead this country was a daunting task. Becoming the Commander and Chief is even more daunting. To deal with those that still have not come to grips that Obama will be President and would be better served by not having to deal with inane babble is insurmountable.

The first salvo of ignorance that has crossed the bough of out latest political results comes from Congressman Paul Broun (R), GA. Broun has added this into the flow back tank of stupidity with the following statement:

It may sound a bit crazy and off base, but the thing is, he's the one who proposed this national security force. I'm just trying to bring attention to the fact that we may -- may not, I hope not -- but we may have a problem with that type of philosophy of radical socialism or Marxism. That's exactly what Hitler did in Nazi Germany and it's exactly what the Soviet Union did. When he's proposing to have a national security force that's answering to him, that is as strong as the U.S. military, he's showing me signs of being Marxist.

Then later:

We can't be lulled into complacency," Broun said. "You have to remember that Adolf Hitler was elected in a democratic Germany. I'm not comparing him to Adolf Hitler. What I'm saying is there is the potential of going down that road.

My friends (or my fellow prisoners ... as McCain said), if you can excuse my sensitivity in this matter, please don't take it as a point of being upset that a gentleman from a historically racist southern state has besmirched such a momentous occasion as the first person of color being chosen to lead this country by comparing him to Adolf Hitler, but more to the fact that he made the Hitler reference and then tried to back away by curtailing his insert-foot-in-mouth statement by saying that he is not comparing Obama to Hitler (as if we have no sense of deductive reasoning). But to further illustrate that this man's mouth is way out in front of his thinking, he ends the statement with the warning that whereas he is not making the Hitler comparison, that is possibly where we are heading.

Gaul? maybe .... Lameness?? For sure.

First off, Mr. Broun, to think that a person that has been duly elected and will be under the amount of scrutiny that President-elect Obama will see, can turn this country into the type of regime that Hitler led Germany is ludicrous at best. The idea of a Homeland security force is not an Obama original, but was/has been sought out by members of the Republican party since 9/11.

So if anything, Broun is uneducated on the facts. Reason enough to not shoot your mouth off about someone you really don't know, but far from a deterrent.

But all in all, Obama has not had a full two weeks to wrap in head around what it is that he has sought. Give the guy a chance to sit in the Oval office and smell the rich Corinthian leather and to marvel at the mahogany appointments. Give him the "Oh Sh!t, What have I gotten into" moment before you start with the all out hatery assault. Whether it is motivated by pure hate, prejudice, jealousy, envy, or whatever - he deserves that much. The tactic of generating fear of a President Obama did not work in the Democratic primary, the general election, and now after it is a done deal, they will have little effect at least until the man has started serving as the country's leader.

Marxist? Hitler? dictator? Are you kidding me?

Sept 1

2008-09-03T00:12:00.001-05:00

When the Magic is gone ....

2007-10-22T14:04:00.000-05:00

http://www.cnn.com/2007/SHOWBIZ/TV/10/22/people.copperfield.ap/index.html

When I first saw this story it took me back to the fateful day in '91, weeks before the NBA season was to tip. I was playing TechmoBowl with my boy JLove (I finally got the Giants D to stop Hershel Walker from getting to the corner) and we got the news that 'Magic' Johnson was retiring from the Lakers to deal with the HIV virus that he had contracted (speculation abound, suffices to say, I never looked at Eddie Murphy and Arsenio Hall the same way). The Magic was truly gone from the NBA that very day.

Back to present day, your boy D. Copperfield is getting hounded by the cops for ... well ... for being a magician. The allegation at hand is that Copperfield forced himself on an unidentified woman and therefore authorities have searched his magicians warehouse (secret hideout??) and the Las Vegas theater (secret lair??) in which he commonly does new tricks (hahaha .... check the double entendre!!! Does it count if I have to point it out??)

The ~~trick~~ ... ahem .... young lady launching these allegations refused to give details on how Copperfield came on to her, but describes different locations in which Dave tried the SnakeCharmer on her. Dave's manager was quoted as saying that Copperfield did not do this because he does not have to (I did not have to feel up Ms. Theopilous back in the 6th grade, but that sari did not cover everything and I was a sixth grader with raging hormones), but he does have a certain point. Magicians have an uncanny nack for creeping up on some of the most choice dime pieces. Copperfield had a six year relationship with super model Claudia Schiffer, recently Chris Angel managed to place Britney Spears under a spell (but reports state that Jack and Coca-Cola can not actually be counted as a potion).

Copperfield more than likely used the same powers that he used to convince audiences that he could make Lady Liberty disappear or when he walked through the Great Wall of China. The young lady can not really give a full account of what happened exactly, but when she finally came to her senses she noticed a lot of glitter on erogenous areas, a magic wand, top hat w/ rabbit, and a cape stuck to her back (Copperfield supermanned that oooohhhhhh!!!!!).

So just like Magic Johnson, Copperfield will be back from this to mesmerize us with that thousand mile stare and elevator music. But if you are a hot chick and find yourself around Dave don't look him in the eyes.

They Cannot Be Serious ...

2006-06-06T14:46:00.000-05:00

For the Love of a Good Cape ...

2006-05-26T18:15:00.000-05:00

I just checked the latest 'X-Men' pic in the afternoon (unbeknownst to my boss). Anybody that has ever read anything that I have ever written know that I am struck by the oddest isht that may occur everyday. While peepin' X-Men: The Last Stand, I realized that I need a cape.

Now not everyone that is endowed with certain powers can pull off the cape. If your powers are limited to feats of strengths that don't equate in being airborne or great mental skill that is limited where levitation is concerned, there is no need for a cape. If you can transcend space and time, fly, or leap and soar for extended periods of time, you need and cape. Unless you have wings which makes the whole point redundant.

How cool is it to have a cape?

I never understood why Batman has a cape. Can't fly, levitate, nor does he have tremendous leaping skills. Maybe it is meant to hide those secret gadgets. I don't know. My thought is that he thought they it was particularly stylish, but I am a more functional guy.

Dracula wore a cape even though when he chose to fly he turned into an entirely different form all together. I think that is a major abuse of cape.

I know that the cape is really not aiding anyone in their ability to fly, if you can fly, you are pretty much grand-fathered in. But if you can not fly or you are flying in a form other than your presented form, major CAPE ABUSE.

As a super-hero, don't get caught up in trying to garner style points. The last thing that I need to worry about as I look for someone to save me is a primping hero.It's bad enough that Superman has that hairdo and the full body tights are disturbing, but if I am in a free fall out of a building in Metropolis, beggars can't be choosers.

Shape-shifters shouldn't wear capes, nor should rocket propulsion guys like Tony Starks (aka Ironman).

And how ridiculous would it be if Captain America chose to rock the cape.

When Factual Report Collide w/ Everyday Life ....

2006-05-18T17:06:00.000-05:00

I ran across a CNN Technology report today:

Official: Africans pay $1,800 for 1GB of data

http://www.cnn.com/2006/TECH/internet/05/18/Africa/index

You can read it for yourself, but apparently the Minister for Information and Communication Mutahi Kagwe stated that the cost of consumer internet service in Africa is around $1800 compared to the roughly estimated $20 in the US and other parts of the world. This is apparently cause by the lack of cable infrastructure in Africa and the hassle of routing services to all parts of the world in order to get a signal.

I fell for my African brethren, because I would have a hard time dealing with the forays of today's world without the ability to connect to the world wide web. I would have trouble finding out what is hot in the streets. I would have to go back to placing my sports bets through a bookie and avoid him when I lose big. And god forbid that I would have to lift a phone to communicate with the outside world. And yes, I would have to renew my porn subscriptions.

Minister for Information and Communication Mutahi Kagwe delivered his report on the deprived state of his country by way of an interpreter and this is where this whole thing is sitting worse than those three day old Chinese pea pods that my wife warned me not to eat. Anytime a story is filtered through an interpreter there is too much gray area for mis-interpretation or deception. I believe what we are facing here is a prime example of how rampant dishonesty is by people of certain positions in under developed nations. I can not fault Kagwe because I think that he is simply unaware, but the interpreter Bitange Ndemo may be in a plot to pull some wool.

How can it be so expensive for Africans to use the internet? How is it that they don't have the money to build the infrastructure for cheaper web services? Just yesterday, I received an email from a gentleman that was the comptroller for a courier service there that was holding $15M cash that was supposed to be delivered to a long lost relative of mine. All he needed is my personal financial information to have the funds released to me. Now I just would not feel right accepting that cash knowing that there are people in that country that would have to pay almost 2G's to download porn. Plus, if it is so hard to get the internet, then how did this guy find me?

Something is just not right .....

2006-03-23T11:27:00.000-06:00

I often try to avoid being the nemesis in someone else's reality. Whoever and however a person has formed their reality, so be it. If you like it, I love it. And as long as it does not interfere with my reality or assaults my sensibilities, I have no real objection to anything anyone else will do. Until today ......

Today I ran across a picture that invaded my RSS aggregator and it grabbed my sensibilities by the neck and shook us damn near to the point of passing out. I don't know anybody in this picture and the is no real story behind it.

What it does is give me justification for opposing any stance for same sex marriage.

Ricky Williams donning a wedding dress was probably a cathartic and liberating experience for him, but it was staged to make the point that there would eventually be a divorce between Williams, Ditka, and the New Orleans Saints organization. This guy in the picture above sports the wedding dress in gayful bliss of the nuptials of spending a lifetime with his homey.

Not that there is anything WRONG with that.

What become so harsh is the fact that this guy makes for one of the most gruesome brides that I have ever seen - whether serious or staged.

I know that I had very little to do with making the wedding pictures that my wife and I share palatable. It was all her and she carried the photo shoot and made the pictures worthwhile.

So yes, as shallow as it may sound (and I have been known to be as deep as a thimble), I oppose same sex marriage because of the ugly wedding photos. Now some may say, 'Hold on, what about two women? That's art right?' Yes, they would be correct. Two women 'being' together late night on SkineMax is art. The union between Butch and the Lipstick is not art and the thought of Butch suiting up in a tux for the picture gives my stomach the same feeling I had when I wonder what Elvis saw in Peanut Butter, Banana, and Bacon Sandwiches.

.... And I Don't Mean That In A Good Way.

2006-03-20T16:26:00.000-06:00

"You'se a Nigga and I don't mean that in a Good Way!!"
- Bernie Mack Impersonator, Intro
Kanye West, The College Dropout

As a matter of race, being the only, the first, or being associated as a pioneer for your people in you field is always a milestone that deserves some respect. Martin Luther King Jr. was not the first to speak about the oppression of people and the tyranny of the establishment - he wasn't even the first Martin Luther to do it, nor the first person of color. But he was first to declare that the system was wrong for black people and declared that he would protest and not strike back when struck upon (not my personal favorite philosophy, but hey ...).

History is wrought with the discarded carcasses of brothers down with the cause and giving their last breath to express their agenda. Every one of the members of the Black Panther Party that were part of the vanguard * were discredited and defamed within 15 years of the groups official disbanding. Bobby Seal was labeled a lunatic, Huey Newton, a crack-head, Eldridge Cleaver, Geronimo Pratt, jailed and so on. These were bright, young men who wanted better for their people and took seldom compromised stands in order to get the means to their end.

In this new era, The New World Order, how could we expect our revolutionary Negroes to remain the same as they have been? In today's time, gone is the sit-in approach. Even the Jesse Jackson Shake Down method has become passe and the establishment has found counter-measures.

From the world of NASCAR, this weekend came one of the most glaring examples of the New Negro attitude, and not from a twenty something, new to the ways of the world, trying to topple the status quo before he is thirty. But from a gentleman who has been around the block. Bill Lester had been a Hewlett-Packard engineer before leaving that behind to drive Craftman trucks. The forty something year old man has declared to everyone that would place a mic before him that they should stopped referring to him as a Black driver and stop making point that he is the third Black man to qualify for a NASCAR event. He is just a driver and wants to be noted as such.

Where have our pioneers gone? Where are those that proudly represented the race of the person they saw staring back at them every morning and only person that will be with them throughout all trials.

Bill, you are Black and in a venue dominated by those unlike you, you will stick out like an apple bottom. Be proud to represent your accomplishment as a Black man. Race like Hell and rejoice in the fact that you have not, by appearances at least, sold out. That makes you even Blacker and Stronger. I have not accomplished any first as a Black man in my profession, but often I go several days at the "mill" and not see another brother. I am looked at as a reference point to most things Black and new to White people at work. Lexicon for slang, rap music reference, and conscience for my race, I embody it all. But because the rest of the family rely on me to bring a check home, I can not truly show them how black I can be by cussin' their asses out of my office with that bullshit and slamming the door - knowing that the knob would cause irreparable damage to their spine because of the lack of ass to protect it.

But Bill and I nonewithstanding, there is an old time Black that has never gone away, but has had a image over-haul. The Uncle Tom or House Negro. Tom as he is known affectionately as in most ghetto's has been revamped. He used to only handle domestic affairs and never getting firsthand information from the big house. Now he is showcased, promoted, and put out front to show the general public that hand of the puppetmaster is not as uncomfortable as some would think. Claude Allen, Code Rice, and Colin Powell have been the most recent example. Embracing their employer and not taking a stand that would matter in the same communities that they come from. Putting themselves in position to be simmered down to a paste that is used as administration glue and nothing left to give afterward. Powell's hiatus after public service has been dogged by having to explain some crap that he was not down for in the first place. Conde Rice had to be removed from security service all together and she is still called to the carpet on who made the call that there were WMD's. But the saddest of the triumverate of Negro tools is Allen. He was so ambitious to be a political star that he completely sold 100% of his soul and now blames his brother for a series of petty crimes that eventually lead to his resignation.

So Bill all and all, embrace your Negritude. In the end, it's all you have sometimes and if you give it away, someone, somewhere will remind you that you are, what you are.

Public Service Announcement ....

2006-01-29T10:22:00.000-06:00

I never admitted to being a fan, but the shows are interesting in it's content and general message. Friends say that the show is laugh out loud funny, but I have not been moved in such a manner (not even with laugh aids). There is humor at the "stick" that is poked at black people (the way we are, the things that we do, or say), but it is funny because of the common link (heard it, seen, said it). For your entertainment, Enjoy as much as I could find.

Episode One (Garden Party)

Episode Two (R. Kelly)

Episode Three (A Pimp Named Slickback)

Episode Four (Nigga Moments ...)

Episode Five (Don't Drop the Soap)

Episode Six (Gangstalicious)

Episode Seven (Christmas)

Episode Eight (Bitches ...)

Episode Nine (Return of the King)

How stupid can you be?

2006-01-09T16:44:00.000-06:00

To those who much is given can a little common sense be expected?

Former Virginia Tech QB, Marcus Vick has found himself at odds with almost everything his lot in life has afforded him. Not to say that he has led his life into some morbid decline to which we have to watch like a bad wreck just to see the number of casualties that will be pulled out. Marcus has been extremely blessed by the proxy of his older brother, Ron Mexico.

Since taking the QB helm at Virginia Tech, Lil Mexico has been charged with:

Serving alcohol to minors,
Assault,
Possession of marijuana,
Speeding and driving on a suspended license,
and Brandishing a firearm.

This is not to mention his exploits during games, which include, but are not limited to:

shooting the bird at fans in W. Virginia,
and stomping Elvis Dumberville in his last game as a Hokie.

definitely not the behavior of a Mexico and I am sure Mama Mexico taught him better.
However these type things are in character with a spoiled kid. And so it is hard to imagine a youngster from Newport (Bad News) News, VA not understanding how to humble himself when there is a good deal on the line. It is hard to imagine the strongest hustler from Bad News not recognizing his surroundings and governing himself accordingly. It is hard to imagine, considering his background, that some system of self-check not being deployed.

From the Speakerbox ...

2006-01-05T12:13:00.000-06:00

I usually post when there are things so absurd that I feel I have to poke fun at it. Kicking someone when they are down takes more energy than most would think.

By the way, major shouts go out to those Texas Longhorns (did not have the nerve to take them on the straight up win for $1.70 on the dollar, but regardless I supported).

Former DC Mayor Marion "the *itch set me up" Berry was robbed at gunpoint by a group of adolescents that had just recently helped him carry his groceries into his DC apartment. Berry tipped the crew a ten spot and I guess they felt that wasn't enough and returned for more. Although there is so much material on Berry, all I can offer is these two bits of advice, either tip bigger or call a real estate agent. Obviously Marion did not bring it when duty called.

I have embarked on a nation-wide search for the right type of lady to comprise a new group that I am putting together. Relax P. Diddy, I am not looking to replace/compete with any of the no-talent girl groups that you are trying to put together. Although once I get my girls in place, I dare you to step into my arena. The girls that I am looking for must be willing to take no shorts. They must be able to recognize when those around them are bullshitting and take evasive action. These girls must be ready to take it to another level at any point. Recruitment has started and I have sent invitations to the following:
Mrs. Monica Conyers
http://www.jifunza.com/jifunzaNavigator.aspx?INP=http://www.jifunza.com/Articles/ViewArticle.aspx?ArticleID=5099

Video: Monica Conyers hit me in the eye ….

Monica has it all together. She can run for council office in her fair city of Detroit and she can whip some ass when a drunken club patron gets in her grill. From published reports, Rebecca Mews (the assaulted) was kicking it at the Club Crossroads with her date celebrating her birthday when the urge to re-kindle old friendships rudely intervened. Ms. Mews’ date and Mrs. Conyers made their way to the dance floor. Now Mews was put off either because her date chose to dance with Conyers or maybe they were doing the lambada in the disco, but regardless, overcome with emotion she chose to break up the little reunion between the old friends. Usually this is when I try to advise against any sudden, rash decisions. Mews got between the two “friends” and the encounter became heated between her and Conyers, which lead to Conyers dotting that eye. This was a true example of a woman that knows how to bring it at the right time. She spotted an emotional wreck waiting to happen and took evasive action expediting Mews to the emotional breakdown she was most assuredly creeping toward.

Monica, if you get this post, call me. I got a mission for you.

My next invite, goes to Rhonnel Hearn.

Hearn may not be known to the common person, and that works to her advantage. You may be out there acting a fool and before you know it Rhonnel can creep up and guerilla warfare that a$$.
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2006/01/02/AR2006010201650.html
Mrs. Hearn was in the end zone seats at the game between the Philadelphia Eagles and Washington Redskins with her family in support of her son Redskins running back Clinton Portis. During the course of the game, after the ‘Skins had blown the game open using the halfback pass, a disgruntled Eagles fan decided to share their beer with Mrs. Hearn without passing the cup.

The doused Hearn found the culprit and gave her a bit of hand-to-mouth contact. Now just as in the case above, most people that get the short end of the stick was looking for it to a degree. Once you have thrown the beer, do not claim any ownership to said sailed beverage (See how the guy that hit Ron Artest pleaded innocence and even got a couple of shots in without getting hit). But I also, doubt that a woman would commit such a heinous act. If a woman is drinking beer, she does so because she has acquired a taste. Unlike most men that are just drinking because it is a conduit to a land of detached reality and feelings of euphoria. So I assert that a gentleman in the stands spotted the Hearn crew and in his drunken state of mind, threw his beer at them. Rhonnel turned to identify where the cool, refreshing drink came from and the gent let her know. Being a woman of action and one to be trifled with, she went up in the stands and punished his date for the sins that he committed. Lesson to be learned, ‘Don’t mess with a wild card’ or ‘When your date throws beer on a woman you don’t know, separate yourself from him.’

Now, I believe Hearn and Conyers could be a duo that would wreck any tag team of those wrestling girls, any two chicks from MTV’s Real World or Road Rules that would want to fight, or the two Destiny Child members that will need something to do after Beyonce does her bounce. But I need one more chick that will make it a trio and put us in the class of Charlie and his angels. Hmmmmm … A fiery, high profile chick that will box at the drop of a hat.

My final addition will be Naomi Campbell. Although she has not been in the news lately we all know she will put hands on an assistant with out a thought of her own safety.

It is always best to fight fire with fire, and so I would like to get this group of women together to combat all the other dysfunctional women out there in the world. All a dude would have to do is drop me a line if he wants to eradicate all female drama from his upcoming function. I can either post my “Don’t Trip *itch” team at the door or have them patrol the party and let them do what they do.

From the Theatre of the Absurd .....

2005-11-09T09:41:00.000-06:00

My life rarely resembles anything on TV, but as I watched Terrell Owens' public apology to the team that he decided weeks ago to put on BLAST for a lack of class and a quarterback that he insinuated knew nothing about the quarterback position, I caught my baby boy, out the corner of my eye, stepping up to a podium and clearing his throat.

"As y'all know, I just got my ass beat for doing something that pops warned me about 30 minutes ago. To him I would like to say, 'I'm sorry.' To my mom, I know we have not always seen eye to eye, but I have always respected your mommy skills and apologize for making comments that the roast would have been so much better had granny cooked it."

This press conference went on for a few more minutes and Chase stepped away from the mic, giving way to Bailey, his agent.

"It takes a big boy to come forward like this and I think he deserves a chance to do the things he loves to do. Yeah, the roast comment was a tad out of line, and daddy is not quite as chubby as the picture my client drew of him on the living room wall, but the remorse and contrition that he has shown in the last fifteen minutes is genuine."

The girl across the street raised her hand and asked, "What have you done for your client besides tattle on him and get him a whipping and sent to time-out?"

News cameras flash and murmurs pervade through the gathering crowd as Bailey squirms a bit.

"Next question."

All jokes aside my kids are not that bad, but the behavior similarities between Mr. Owens and the kids are glaring. In his prepared apology, which by the way, was a day after the Eagles gave him the heave-ho, T.O. apologized to everybody including the garbage man. First off, an apology is not something read and certainly not something that you have to unfold from your pocket as you take the dais. When it has come to that you are merely reciting words. It's like I used to do with co-workers that I did not particularly care for. The department birthday, get-well, or sorry to see you go card would come around and I would sign it, God Bless S. Patterson. Now those that are into semantics get it right off, but for you that are not as attuned to sarcasm, that message was more of a plea for favor from GOD for me, than the schlub that the card is intended for. The belated act of contrition from Owens was a day late and 800K short. What he issued were only words. Most have been in that position before, where you have to say something that you don't necessarily mean to get what you want.

You are going to pay me back before my car payment is due? Uhhh. yeah yeah sure.
Do you love me? Uhhh. Of course I do. Slide those over.

When you put yourself in a position where you have to go completely counter to a position you stated earlier only denotes that you did not issue any forethought into your position to begin with or you are just not very bright. And in the case of Owens, he seems to formulate his thoughts in every one of the 1,000 press conferences and interviews that he has done in the past week. So I can only conclude that he is just dumb. Not dumb in the sense that he is not astute or lacks knowledge, but dumb in the sense that he is so distracted by all that goes into being T.O. that he takes no personal responsibility for his actions after he has engaged. Not a good trait for anyone over sixteen.

He says that he is a fighter and fighting for what he believed in lead him to this situation. Well, if standing up for your beliefs, lead you to a cartoonist apology then your belief system needs to be checked.

This may seem a bit salty, but it more because of the critical nature. I don't live in a world in which a person can not be called on your bullsh**. In my world, you have to stand by each statement, right or wrong, and take your lumps. There is no action that I have put in motion that I can not expect later to have that specter creep up from behind and tap me on the shoulder.

So, Mr. Owens, turn and look around. The next statement of belief that you make will be the next thing you have to apologize for, so why don't you write out you apology right after you state what you believe.

Bit by Bit ...

2005-06-20T12:31:00.000-05:00

Damn, I though of that first ....

There a millions of things that I wish I could do, but have not had the opportunity. Things that generally would express my displeasure (some say all I have is displeasure, but I digress.

Tom Cruise was stumping for his next big budget piece of crap that he is about to drop on the viewing public, when four dudes posing as a foreign TV crew, rolled up with trick mic in hand. The renegade reporters got Cruises attention during a walk down the red carpet on the way to a screening of 'War of the Worlds'. Personally, I have had bowel movements that I anticipated more than this -- ahem -- crap. The reporter in this fake crew held the mic to Tom's face and squirted water or something that appeared to be water. A livid Cruise called the guy a jerk and referred to the prank as nasty.

HOW I MISSED OUT:
I have always wanted to squirt Cruise for something to let him know that Minority Report, M.I.P 2, Vanilla Sky, Magnolia, Interview with a Vampire, and on and on were unadulterated crap.

Leo DiCaprio was partying with Paris Hilton's ex-videomate (those racoon eyes were hilarious) when a angry female broke through to crack Leo with a beer bottle. No ambulance was called out during the 4am incident, but Leo had to get 12 stitches. Maybe he will start choosing better roles now.

HOW I MISSED OUT:
Leo is under the impression that he is the bast thing in Hollywood, if River Phoenix had not been taken, Leo would be on the Long Beach exit ramp with a Will Act for Food sign.

Bit by Bit ...

2005-06-20T12:29:00.000-05:00

Damn, I though of that first ....

There a millions of things that I wish i could do, but have not had the opportunity. Things that generally would exprees my displeasure (some say all I have is displeasure, but I digress.

Tom Cruise was stumping for his next big budget piece of crap that he is about to drop on the viewing public, when four dudes posing as a foreign TV crew, rolled up with trick mic in hand. The renegade reporters got Cruises attention during a walk down the red carpet on the way to a screening of 'War of the Worlds'. Personally, I have had bowel movements that I anticipated more than this -- ahem -- crap. The reporter in this fake crew held the mic to Tom's face and squirted water or something that appeared to be water. A livid Cruise called the guy a jerk and referred to the prank as nasty.

HOW I MISSED OUT:
I have always wanted to squirt Cruise for something to let him know that Minority Report, M.I.P 2, Vanilla Sky, Magnolia, Interview with a Vampire, and on and on were unadulterated crap.

Leo DiCaprio was partying with Paris Hilton's ex-videomate (those racoon eyes were hilarious) when a angry female broke through to crack Leo with a beer bottle. No ambulance was called out during the 4am incident, but Leo had to get 12 stitches. Maybe he will start chosing better roles now.

HOW I MISSED OUT:
Leo is under the impression that he is the bast thing in Hollywood, if River Phoenix had not been taken, Leo would be on the Long Beach exit ramp with a Will Act for Food sign.

Watch your hands and mouth ...

2005-06-16T14:59:00.000-05:00

Today, I realized the power of words - Verbal as well as written. I hurt a dudes feelings. A grown man!!!! I had to give that one a WOW. I have often caused females discomfort by the things that I have said and sometimes the things that I have not said, but never a dude. This no badge of honor for me, although I have no regrets, I wish I would have stayed closer to form and considered whether I was dealing with a fragile ego. He said that I got personal with him and that is probably true, but I always thought that you had to actually know something about that person personally, and I don't. What I said were facts, but nothing about the core of the man except for the fact that he misrepresented himself. I later found out how hurt he was when he replied to my fact with some documents that would have substantiated his story, other than the fact that the documents themselves were shady. I did not have the heart to refute them because that could have possibly triggered a psychotic episode - Tears are as far as I could take it. I hate to see a grown man cry.

I take caution in saying who I am and what I have done for this simple reason. You never know who has access to your books. Privacy is not always as private as you would like. Stating what type of person you are inevitably results in your nature betraying you (unless you are a monk and even they struggle). See any the catholic priest that have had charges brought against them, Jesse Jackson, etc. I feel that is important in living a regret free life. Stating who you are is often a slippery slope because you have to certainly know what separates your true personality from the part(role) that you portray. Again, Jesse, the priest, and others. These are often different entities and the more you go without syncing them the further apart they become. And lastly, never attribute your own accolades. Nothing rings truer than proof. If you say you have done it, make sure that if anyone going to check there is evidence, at least traces. See, any coach that has lost a job for mis-stating facts in their bios, Reggie Fowler, Lena Guererro, etc.

Who am I?

I am a simple dude that has managed to become a subject matter expert in my field (Software Quality Assurance Engineering), but I worked to gain that level of expertise to allow my wife and seeds to have the lives they want. I find pleasure in that for the moment. Someday, maybe I will be published, we will see. But I am not defined by plaques, ribbons, certificates, and the like. If I think that I am a decent person and can show that to people around me. I'm good. And my next step towards being decent is to watch what I say to the fragile for they have feelings too.

Watch your hands and mouth ...

2005-06-16T14:55:00.000-05:00

Dope World ....

2005-06-09T11:57:00.000-05:00

I am put on pause by the prevalence of cannabis in our daily lives. In these times, pot has become as common as toothpaste. Whereas, we would never think that there is the possibility of a mainstream television commercial for the various types of herbal essences possible. There are inadvertent advertisement. The press reports stories on the mishaps of anyone in the public eye and everytime one celeb or another is reported to have some legal difficulty and marijuana is involved potheads across the land feel a bit more valid in their actions and are more empowered to bring their blunts from the huddled masses of the backroom to blazing on Main Street USA.

As I cast my net out for current news articles (material for this blog), articles about weed are as common as vendors on the east side.

Putting two and two together ...

These two articles are loosely related:
http://www.time.com/time/arts/article/0,8599,1061415,00.html
http://www.alertnet.org/thenews/newsdesk/L2688232.htm

The first article is about the exile that comedian Dave Chappelle remanded on himself. He needed a break from the pressure of receiving 50 million and remaining funny. I understand where the you man is coming from. The task to stay relevant and prove that you can possibly live up to such a payday is hard work. We see everyday, our not so well adjusted athletes, receive incredible salaries and become a shell of their best selves. That is purely a lack of concern because they have been paid. Chappelle can see that a loyal audience will assure that he remains viable in the markets that he makes his money and this pressure to keep his fan base lead him to South Africa, Johannesburg in fact.

The second article comes from Swaziland. A stones throw from South Africa, Swaziland is losing a lot of their commercial farmers and the crops they grow because they have chosen to stop growing their standard cash crops and start growing 'Swazi Gold'. Quoted from the article, 'Prized for its potency across the world, 'Swazi Gold' is grown in the remote northern mountains of this tiny African kingdom, then smuggled into neighbouring South Africa ...' and later 'Police in impoverished Swaziland say that despite dousing acres of towering plants with deadly insecticide, they are losing the war on marijuana to dirt-poor peasants bent on protecting their most lucrative crop.'

Swazi marijuana, which is said to be more potent due to the soil and weather conditions, fetches a handsome premium. On the streets of Johannesburg, 'Swazi Gold' is sold in 30 gram small bank bags, or 'bankies', for 70 rand ($11) apiece, while Amsterdam coffee shops charge around 6 euros ($7.5) for one gram. Locals say they get around 1,000 rand ($154) for 2kg.

Patterson's equation of copious cash meets Excellent weed:
Dave Chappelle(50 million dollars) + Swazi Gold(@ 11 dollars/30 grams = One hell of a party when Dave gets back.

Next Stop Parachute, CO

http://www.hightimes.com/ht/news/content.php?bid=434&aid=24

The Parachute, Colo., Police Department has a problem: how do get rid of 151 pounds of marijuana. Police normally use a burn barrel outside the police department, but the stash from a recent drug bust is so big that the burn barrel can't be used. "The whole town of Parachute would be getting silly (if it were burned in the barrel)," said Jeff Wells, a Parachute police officer. The drugs came from an arrest on May 19 in which two Florida men have been charged with possession with the intent to distribute, according to Wells.

A drug dog had sniffed out an empty duffel bag in one suspect's car after a routine stop, so authorities followed the car to a motel in Parachute, where the driver met up with another man. That's where William Morgan and Anthony Keane were arrested on charges of drug possession with intent to distribute.

In a related story, the owner of the local Dairy Queen in parachute had close his doors after rioting broke out as customers packed his establishment screaming for Blizzards. Noted in the crowd of rioters were the six officers of the Burn detail that were responsible for disposing of the 151 pounds of dope.

When Justices Collide

I recently attended a party at Justice Clarence Thomas' place. I shared a limo to the event with Montell Williams, Snoop, and Robert Iler (Tony Jr. from the Soprano's). We were greeted at the door by Justice Thomas where he cordially offered me a can of Coca-Cola. I immediately declined.

There were all sorts of people there from all walks of life. Sandra Day O'Connor was breaking down a Phillies and encouraging Snoop to contribute to her impending creation. William Rehnquist, the chief justice, was seen for a short time incoherently babbling about his glaucoma medication.

These justices were also outnumbered 6-3 on the use of medical marijuana in 10 states, stating that the states were in violation of interstate commerce laws.

2005-06-02T17:02:00.000-05:00

Choice Cuts ...

Fading relevance ....
Our most recent public figure who has reached 14 minutes and 59 seconds and insist on more :

Bobby Brown (aka Mr. Whitney Houston)

Don't get me wrong, I'm really not suped ....

Bobby Brown (36), one of the original members of the New Edition crew, can not avoid the press. This somehow notes an unhealthy craving for attention on the worst level. Buddhist monks meditate and pray for peace by finding an escape from their destructive nature. Bobby is so far from the path of enlightenment that, from his perch atop Mt. Crack, he probably could not see the light. The Bobby Brown has already claimed the blooming career of his wife, Whitney 'Crack Signs' Houston, his fellow New Edition mates, Teddy Reilly, and briefly Martin Lawrence. Bobby is schlep-rock and anyone he touches is going down. Last week, two members of the Brown Crack Wagon, were stabbed at a party at Justin's (Atlanta). Kelsey Brown (20) and Shayne Brown (21)are in stable condition after being slashed and stabbed in the restaurant. If I could get a word to either youngster, GET AS FAR AWAY FROM BOBBY AS YOU CAN. Slashed and Stabbed??? Does anybody know where OJ was? And OJ, if you were not there that night, I think we may have a lead to the killers of Ron and Nicole.

But I digress ...

Science tells us that a flame burns hottest in those final moments of life (when the air around is waning). This only shows how association with a red hot comet can lead to third degree burns. Bobby, you are a danger to those around you. Just because you have been diagnosed as bi-polar does not entitle you to two fifteen minute stints of fame. Give it up. You can only be ridiculed by the show, stop doing karaoke at Justin's on Sundays', take care of Whitney and all you kids after you seek immediate help.

Gallagher (Damn it, man. Who left the closet open?)

How many watermelons have to suffer the indignity?

Your boy Gallagher has incorporated the slapping of fans to his act. According to reports, he has been walking on the patron tables, berating waitresses, and slapping fans. Is he losing his mind? Oh, I forgot, HE IS GALLAGHER.

Now there are a few factors that would explain the strange behavior of the one-time Vegas headliner and big time TV star. The main factor being the fact that he has been doing a show in Laughlin at Don Laughlin Hotel and Resort for the last decade where he probably still owes Mr. Laughlin some cash. What happened? Did 'G' rack up some heavy debt in Laughlin and now Don is making him work off the paper? The waitresses are taking drink orders during his show. I guess something has to be done to coerce people into think he is still funny.

He slapped a fan across the head and compared it to a pie in the face and lauded himself because it got a laugh. So basically, Gallagher is working on the same level as a clown or Beni Hana chef. Listen, touch me or throw food at me and that's your ass.

So 'G', if you have not already heard, "Your fifteen are up!!! Let's Go!!!"

I would have to ask more Questions ....

Your program is what it is, but if it is to be believed I would have to ask more questions :

Never been a P. Diddy fan, but I have to side with the brother. Recently Ms. Misa Brim (mother of Justin Combs) was awarded the largest child support settlement in New York history ($21,782/month). That is excessive. Your boy was paying $5K. Does it matter what he is really making? There comes a point in which childcare is capped.

If P. Diddy was in the crib with Justin and Justin's mom (gravy-train driver), Justin would never see $21K a month. Does Ms. Brim have to seek any employment to prove that she can take care of herself, Justin withstanding? Who is P. really taking care of? And if he has to pay that much, how about doing it in the form of payment vouchers. She would have to account for all the cash that is spent and in surplus is carried over to the next month. There has to be some solution to end the rape of guys that have made serious miscalculations and happened to bed down with suspect broads.

List ...

Where the hell have you been?

Digable Planets - Announced a Major Summer Tour

Joe Budden - New album to drop this Summer

Mark Felt - Announced that he was 'DeepThroat'

Jamaal Lewis - Out the pokee and into halfway house

Dave Chappelle - Welcome back from Africa, Now get to work

You should have known better ....

Victims are often held hostage by their own stupidity :

Richard Monroe

was recently victimized by his lack of proper decision making skill when he found himself on stage kickin' it with Snoop, The Game, Oh-wee, and several entourage members. During the closing performance of a show, Snoop doing Gin and Juice, Mr. Monroe felt that it would be a grand idea to approach Snoop doggy-style and put his hands on the rappers shoulders (just another place one man does not need to touch another). But the result of this lapse in judgement resulted in a Death Row type beatdown for Monroe. Monroe may not had ask for it, but he sure got it.

The Gallagher incident mentioned above found William Edward May III in the midst of several bad calls. The first being attending the show. Then he sat close enough where Gallagher had access to touch him. And so because of there serious errors, May found himself in the middle of a set with a pissed off Gallagher, fans starving for a laugh, and his seat in the comedians radius. Gallagher, famous for destroying watermelons for laughs, slapped May across the head. May asked for and got it.

John Jenkins (53) and his wife Ramona (35) have filed a lawsuit against Eastern Associated Coal and Chisler Inc, Mr. Jenkins suffered severe burns over his face and neck after succumbing to his nicotine urge. The danger signs here are the facts that Jenkins works as a power plant operator for North West Fuels Development Inc, the incident occurred after John entered the ... uhm... portable John, and owned a cigarette lighter. So like the Perfect Storm, these things came together to burn Mr. Jenkins severely and create a blast that left him wondering whether he leapt from the portable or if he was thrown. The Jenkins' are seeking 10 million because John could not take a crap without lighting up.
First that I have heard of a toilet blowing up a person before the person had the chance to strike first.

Leaving Relevance

2005-05-03T10:16:00.000-05:00

Signpost ahead, 'You are Leaving Relevance, Turn off the lights as you leave'. You may not realize it yet, but your clock o' fame has flipped to 14:59. Its time to go.

Don't make it harder than it needs to be. Grace would lead you to stack your chips and make you ejection as soft a landing as possible. Otherwise, people by nature will buy tickets to watch you crash and burn.

Just think of how many figures in the public eye have been hugging that leg screaming to stay. It worse than when Jeff VanGundy was hugging Alonzo Mourning's leg during the brutal air fight between Mourning and Larry 'Gran Ma Ma' Johnson. VanGundy looked like a spat, just like so many others when it comes to giving up stardom.

There is no reason for anyone from the cast of Different Strokes to make a guest appearance anywhere, if the local Roscoe's Chicken & Waffles. I don't need to see it. If you were ever a member of New Edition (old or new), put the mike down and back away.

I am almost empathetic to Micheal Jackson, but his current trials were generated by the 'gloved one' himself. This is a guy who has not been hurting for cash since the early eighties when he was Black. The birth of nephew brought to mind the conspiracy of this case. Humor me if you will.
Somewhere around the early eighties after 'Off the Wall' and while writing 'Thriller', MJ devised a plot to take some time off, but keep the MJ machine
rolling. He had his trusted assistant, let's call him Mr. White, pose as him while he had some much needed basement time. Jackson gorged himself on Little Debbie Oatmeal Creme Pies and Nutty Buddy's. He put on a little weight, but enjoyed the freedom. Oblivious to the antics of Mr. White, MJ enjoyed the freedom of walking the streets and going unnoticed. Over the years, Mr. White spent freely and got into a bit of trouble. Seemingly decimating the funds Mr. Jackson worked so hard to build. Jackson had to re-invent himself, but could not stay out of the limelight. He has gone on to star in television shows with a young boy, Kel, that he took under his wing and also lead in a few movies (GoodBurger and Fat Albert).

But this goes to show that if Mr. Jackson had simply diversified his holdings in other ways, he would still be fairly revered. His name would not be sullied with the current and past allegations and there would not be a line of future cases. And he would not have to be currently looking for that next piece of crap movie vehicle to extend his current habit of Little Debbie treats.

Everyone wants to feel as if they are relevant to something or someone in no matter how small a way. The mistake that is commonly made is when that time is up and you are no longer relevant in that particular segment, we hold on. When we hold on, we lose our audience.

Becoming irrelevant should not bruise ones ego or designate that that person no longer has valid contributions. It simply means that that person needs to diversify. Find something else that defines them. Astronomy shows that stars don't always remain stars. Take a hint that James Brown coined, but could not adhere to when he asked his cousin Maceo, '... can I hit it and quit it?'

Hit it and Quit it. In and out like a robbery. Both lost arts. Primarily because there have been some that appeared as if their 15 minutes lasted longer than others. But when it all comes down, it was the same old 15 minutes. And at 15:30, people are pointing fingers and laughing.

In Memory ...

2005-03-31T14:22:00.000-06:00

We lost one the brightest minds in law on Tuesday, March 29th. Johnie Cochran passed from a bout with a brain tumor and it was almost treated as an aside.

The signoff on my local newscast had the anchorman coming back from a story about an 83 year old lady who does what she can at the local firehouse trying to relieve tensions and give the boys what they may be missing at home and he then goes, "Oh yeah and Johnie Cochran is dead. Good Night and Stay Classy."

Cochran was a man that started out prosecuting in what was at the time the largest prosecuting attorneys office in the world, the L.A. District attorneys office, and quickly made his way to one of their lead roles. At that point they created a monster that would come back and bite them in the ARSE.

Fulfilling the internal need to serve a greater good, he started defending the rights of disadvantaged people. Having won 10 straight criminal defense cases against his old employer, he took the case of Geronimo Pratt. L.A. DA's office was not going to let him get passed them with this one. Right or wrong, Cochran was not going to win that case. So Pratt's innocence was of no consequence. Johnie was defending so innocent or not, the case had to be one of example. Cochran lost his first case, Pratt went to jail for life, and it has been discovered that tons of evidence that would have freed Pratt had been buried by the DA.

Johnie never the less was pole vaulted to a level of celebrity. But regardless of his station he still remained grounded, taking cases upon merit rather than dollars. As he defended 'The Glove' to the best of his ability, he also defended Reginald 'I got the Beatdown' Denny. He wowed the jury at the OJ trial when he spit, "If the Glove don't fit, you must acquit ..." As OJ faked as if the blood stained glove was too small for his hand.

The Cochran victories are the stuff legends are made of while the defeats were hardly noticed. So with his passing, we don't look at it as a defeat, but a home-going. Godspeed Johnie. We only regret that R. Kelly, Beanie Seigel, and Kobe Bryant could not retain you.

Madness of Chuck E. Cheese Has Harsh Influence on Adults .....

2005-03-06T00:28:00.000-06:00

Mad Woman Caught on Chuck E. Cheese Camera

Dateline --- Round Rock, TX

A woman who reportedly is the mother of two was unknowingly captured on a camera at Chuck E. Cheese shooting the bird to a minor who was apparently barging in on the good times had by the children in her charge. To this reporters knowledge, nothing this shocking has ever been posted to this blog. The children that were under the watchful eyeful of a young lady rumored to be.... well, we will call her CP (to be known henceforth as Mrs. X), display utter shock, horror, and disdain for what is going on. The young man, circled in the bottom right of the inset, whom we can not name because he is a minor (we will call him Chase) is oblivious to the intruder as well his mothers 50% off peace sign that she is flashing at the young intruder yet to be identified.

"Mrs. X has always seemed so responsible and mindful." said the five year old along for this magical ride.

"I knew something looked odd about the hand gesture being used" quoted another parent nearby.

We called Mrs. Xs' home and our call was answered by someone claiming to be Mr. X. He babbled a few incoherent words followed by a Guiness Black and Tan induced burp. As we tried to get more information from him, he gave us a resounding F U and hung up the phone.

It has been speculated that the use of this term is commonplace in the X household. Cursing more than a coven of witches on Halloween, the Xs' are not the most high level communicators and resort to belittling others under duress.

So when in Pattersonville understand that you don't to back either of them into a corner. The 'F-Bombs' fly early and often. God forbid you are in the need of asistance, on any roadside as this family comes riding by. As you wave to try and get their attention, they will be waving back. And their wave will not be indicating that they are number one, nor will they be point you to the right direction. As they pass, it will become abundantly clear what that signal is. Turn it up, turn it down, it sound the same whistling in the wind.

Peace,
or at least half of it anyway.

Damn... Damn... Damn.... Why Reggie? Why?

2005-02-17T13:17:00.000-06:00

How humiliating. I am absolutely mortified. How can Reggie do this to us?

I once knew a guy named Reggie and I knew instantly that I could not trust him. It is something about a grown man that refers to himself as "Reggie" that is just not right. I can not recall one "Reggie" that had any redeeming social qualities at all. There was Reggie from the Archie comics, Jackie Gleason's real name was Reggie, the sap in 'Casablanca' was named Reggie, Reggie Jackson, and so the list goes.

Reggie Fowler has positioned himself as the first minority owner of a NFL team, the Vikings, a few days ago and and as par for the course the entire black community has piled on higher than a steaming bowl of chit' lins at the summertime family reunion. There have been dozens to attempt this feat before, from the low key to the ex-NFL'er with huge financial backing. Reggie seemed to have his ducks in a row, not only is he a billionaire, Spiral Inc. has several diverse holdings, but he has partnered with a few other cats that carry weight as well. Reggie even endeared himself to the Minnesota community by using a Sugar Hill Gang reference when at his press conference to announce that he is a candidate to buy the team from filthy-rich Red McCombs (who stands to clear over 350 million from the deal), he said, "I'm six foot one and tons of fun".

That is when the trouble started and the community stampeded away from Reggie quicker that Jose Conseco (which is Spanish for Reggie) outing the next steroid enhanced buddy to make a quick buck. Big Reg listed the following in his bio - University of Wyoming linebacker whom played for the Cincinnati Bengals and Calgary Stampeders, Little League World Series participant, and a passion for numbers that led him to a degree in Finance. Most of which ended up being patentedly false. Fowler never stayed with either professional franchise to even smell the coffee let alone have a sip - he never made it through training camp in both cases. He has never been near the Williamsport locale of the LLWS. And lastly, he received his degree from UW in social work where there is not a real big call for a passion for numbers.

Now he has to have a passion for something because it has not been disputed (yet) whether he is a billionaire or not. As a matter of fact I am sure that his biographical embellishment aided in getting to the position he is in today. That double edged sword has just been turned to the sharper side and now Reggie has been nicked. The thing that has me scratching my slightly thinning head is , 'If you are a billionaire, WHY LIE?' At billionaire status, I could give two shits what the next guy thought of who I am or where I have been.

And the fact that his CV contained the lies is one thing, but the lies are so poor. The Bengals???? Who would lie about playing for the Bengals? Most current and past Bengals players lie about not playing for the team. Icky Woods is somewhere right now looking for a deserted island to live out the rest of his days not being tied to the team and not having to do that BS of a dance.

The last thing we need is for Reg to be cast as a liar. This could probably set black folks back another four hundred years. Reggie's little faux pas is going to have me 'bustin' up a chifferow' for Massa before it is said and done. So Reggie, my man, the Little League thing I can overlook. Touting that your company is higher on the list of Black owned businesses than it actually is - takes no skin off my back. But I do find the actions of a man claiming to have played for not one, but two of the worst professional football franchises in North America absolutely unconscionable. You should be stripped of something for that (give me a minute to come up with a punishment to fit the crime, like maybe spend your money owning either team). You are a billionaire, if someone does not like you, send them to their financial ruin and laugh as they go to the poor house, just don't tell the bad lie.

It just goes to show how careful we all need to be in these days and time. You never know whose watching, how much scrutiny you are under, and how you past is on your ass like a Doberman after you have stolen your moms silverware to hock for a beer. So everything being everything Reggie, are you really 6'1" and a ton of fun?

CNN.com - Lawmaker says he shares homes with 2 women - Jan 24, 2005

2005-01-24T14:51:00.000-06:00

Playaz gotta play, Ballaz gotta ball .... R. Kelly

From the files of "Why Could This Have Not Worked for Me"

State Senator John Ford, a Memphis Democrat, who has headed senate committees on the state's child welfare policies - has found a way to exercise the very margins of the laws that he created. Ford has been divorced since 2002, a bitter contest that led his ex-wife to crash her sedan into the home of his long time girlfriend.

Now if you want a full view of the scoreboard: Ex-wife - 3 kids, Long time girlfriend - 2. Ford has managed to stay out of the greedy clutches of CHSUP by maintaining two families and physically living in both houses. Label how you will, all I can say is "Now that is PIMP!".

Ford is free to traipse between two houses with no issues. Originally, I thought that the only way this could happen is if the good state representative either is living two lives on the DL or it is purely a financial thing and the women have agreed to let him sleep on the couch in either residence. Well, that thought quickly vanished after reading that the former Mrs. Ford is six months pregnant by Mr. Ford.

Damn It. How does this guy get away with it? Let me benefit off the sale of a Halloween Mars bar that one of my in-house kids pass over. The AG will swoop down so fast taking their cut that all you will see is two dimes spinning in the wind. In Texas they are so cold that they will charge interest on any back child support, but not necessarily pay out that interest amount collected.

Ford skirts the entire AG involvement by maintaining the households for both women and dropping in for a little nookie on the side. Yes, I said side nookie, because apparently Rep. Ford's lifestyle has come to question only because a third woman has a ten year old fathered by Ford. Skeezer #3 has sued Ford to increase the $500 per month that she receives from his $385K plus salary.

Ah, a chink in the chain, apparently Pimpy could not keep his skee-o's in check because this third person has not only won a suit charging that with an employee of then General Sessions Clerk Ford. She claims that while "ahem" working under Ford, she was sexually harassed and now has a ten year old son.

Mr. Ford, I just wanna know how I can be down with your program?

Pentagon reveals rejected chemical weapons - News | Print | New Scientist

2005-01-14T15:51:00.000-06:00

Pentagon reveals rejected chemical weapons - News | Print | New Scientist

The Pentagon considered several non-lethal chemical weapon solutions to demoralize their foe and make raping their countries of their precious resources easier without the mess of blowing things up.

Some ideas that they have tossed around include:
- An "aphrodisiac" weapon
This weapon is designed to cause the enemy to find
one another irresistible. This has been commonly found
in most urban areas and known as the "bomb ass
pu$$y". It has been the down fall of many black men.
- A weapon that attracts angry wasp or rats to troop positions
The chemical weapons to attract pest is another
by-product of the continually product testing that
goes on in the hood. The pest list in the urban warfare
not only included wasp and rats, but babies mamas as
well.
- A weapon that causes severe and lasting halitosis
This was a weapon that dealt a crushing blow to the
urban ballah that were subject to be caught out with
out the necessary equipment to freshen up. Commonly
referred to as the bomb a$$ weed, chronic, hydro, and
the list continues. And for those that refused to
inhale, there are Newports.
- And lastly, a weapon that make the skin unbearable to
sunlight
Just when my Caucasian brothers and sisters thought
they were safe, this weapon was developed. Commonly
referred to as the sun, this weapon was designed to
make your pale a$$ peel and go running for the SPF-
155.

So in essence, it is good to see that our nation is proactive about finding humane solutions to warfare and have found many of those right here in our home neighborhoods and communities.

Why Some Women Suffer from Self Esteem Issues ....

2005-01-04T14:12:00.000-06:00

Ashlee Simpsons vocal malfunction

The article references the vocal assault that Ms. Simpson unleashed on the Orange Bowl crowd and viewing audience. How could a veritable no-talent could have the pull to command an Orange Bowl stage, the last college football game of the year.

Blame (I rarely cast blame and so I feel that when I do I have to be as accurate as possible, but I feel that this scenario is more than clear) can only be placed on Joe Simpson. Unlike another Joe (Jackson) who fashion his kids as the clydesdales that will power the gravy-train, Rev. Joe Simpson's train was rolling with the speed of a fat man toward Krispy Kreme when the red light comes on. Family beauty Jessica's star on the steady rise, the Simpsons were going to be taken care of. Ms. Lachey was pimping everything from pizza to acne creme, taking her ditzy act and Double D's to the bank (ching-ching).

So this atrocity in the Orange Bowl was not the affect of the good reverend thinking Ashlee was just as talented or a slight to Jessica's good fortune as if anyone could do what she does. I saw it coming a mile away. Younger, Ugly Duck of a sister believes that she was the one with the smarts while older sister got the looks. She probably thought that even more people would for her act because she has an edge. I saw the tear-filled conversation with daddy about how ugly she felt since Jessica has gotten all the press. A daddy who wants to make things right turned on the media machine that made one daughter. The same machine has mashed the other over that edge that she put so much thought into claiming.

Joe's crime is failure to parent via tossing cash at the problem. So what has occurred - the SNL lip syncing and now the halftime show where she was roundly booed (have you ever heard of anyone being booed anything but roundly). Disasters usually come in threes and we have experienced two so let's throttle back a bit before three begins to affect the ATM that you already have going. Overexposure can killed a career, ask Jessica's husband (ol' what his name). Or any of the latin singers that were just out a few years back. Or Kobe Bryant. Or, er .... you get my point.

Yahoo! News - Man Charged With Aiming Laser at Aircraft

David Banach originally lied to investigators when questioned about recent lasers that were reported shone into the cockpits of several planes and helicopters. Banach told the investigators that it was his daughter behind the laser attacks. When paced through a lie detector, it was proven that Banach was actually the culprit.

Moments of Clarity ...

2004-12-13T11:28:00.000-06:00

By human nature, we are self-actualization beings. Self preservation initiates a sense within us to realize a feature of us that may not the best side or prompts us to when a change needs to be made. To some that mechanism may be rock bottom for others it could be the whispers on the wind. Maybe it is a matter of how in tune you are to that inner voice. The voice that tells the 350 pounder that he is one big steak from cardiac arrest of the voice that tells the cheater that his wife has just pulled into the driveway and the nanny needs to get back to work.

While on the couch, watching my favorite team hand out the customary beating during the homecoming game and preparing to rip into a three piece snack pack, I had an epiphany. It was a bright flash that was so startling that it toppled my sons fire engine that I was using as an ottoman, my suicide (a soft drink that is a mixture of Sprite, Dr. Pepper, and Strawberry sodas) goes flying through the air, Vince Young has just thrown an interception to one of the worse defensive teams in college football, and my wife threatens that if that drink hits her hardwood - my ass is grass. The moment of clarity was driven by the fact that the legs (drumsticks) that Church's serves now are incredibly smaller than they used to be. I mentioned this to my better half and she maintained that maybe my hands are larger than they used to be. Granted that could play a factor, but for the degree of difference in the size I would have had to have been Tiny Tim back when I tore into my first juicy drumstick from the aforementioned eatery. I cried shenanigans then, I cry shenanigans now, but that is what brings me to my point.

Little Jeffrey that lived on the corner of your street - you know the guy that you used to trick into swallowing coins or the kid who would mine for refugees in his nose and make his own snack pack, could have just found the cure for the common cold and donated any possible proceeds to various charities. When you get wind of this monumentous event, by nature your first thought is back to when you convinced him to swallow a quarter for a quarter. As you double over chuckling, reminiscing about the look on his face when he found out that the quarter that you were paying was the quarter he just swallowed, the accomplishment has pretty much lost its cache.

So as I leapt from the imprint that I have left in my couch from lying in that exact same spot for years, executing a spin move to avoid my daughter, and stiff-armed my son trying to tackle me and get the miniscule drumstick that I still had in my clutches to catch the drink that had hovered for seemingly 30 minutes. After securing the drink and devouring the leg with a wink to my boy, I realized that I have been guilty of not allowing those around me their personal growth. I don't do the things today that I did twenty years ago. Hopefully, I am capable of doing far more today than I could twenty years ago. And I can only pray that somehow, someway, I am a fraction wiser than I was twenty tears ago. If I can accept that for myself, I should allow that for everyone from my past and those in my future that will become part of my past.

Now there is a caveat to this as most situations, I can change the part of me that will look at my best pal in high school as the guy that tried to hit everything that moved and accept him now as the domesticated family man he has become. Six kids indicates that he still likes to get his thing on, but I can accept that it is with one woman now as opposed to when we were kids. And this is the rub, you can go on to do great things and if recognition is your thing, I say that you should get it and people that have known your former lives should accept the present day you. The exception, though, is the type of person you are. Your personality speaks truer to your heart because you can not escape that person. You can redirect your energies and rechannel your efforts, but the heart rings true. So if I detect multiple personalities, you could have just invented beer that gets you drunk with no slurring or hangover, I don't care. You are still Lon Chaney (The Man of a Thousand Faces) to me and its hard more me to validate you as even partially credible. Thanks for the discovery, but I will rarely give any credence to anything coming from your piehole.

So if Col. Sanders, Mrs. Church, Popeye, or any other chicken fryer is reading this post, bring back the big chicken. If not, I can accept that and possibly take whatever you have, but when you announce the next big thing, I will scoff at you because I feel betrayed and lied to when you started passing off these leg of squab as drumsticks.

Couple Charged In Baby's Death After Three-Day Crack Binge

2004-11-30T15:18:00.000-06:00

WFTV.com - News Of The Strange - Couple Charged In Baby's Death After Three-Day Crack Binge

There are a few things that are extremely disconcerting about this article. Thomas, 39 year old female, and Bryan, 46 year old male, embarked on a three day crack binge where it was reported that neither slept more than 4 hours. The result of this wrecklessness lead to the death of an infant. That in itself is extremely sorrowful so I will refrain further mention of the fatal incident because I just don't feel right searching for any comedy in that, the situation these two adults put themselves in is absolutely rife with things to point out and chuckle at.

Submitted for review are a 46 year old man and a 39 year old woman, now admittedly, I am out of the crack circuit, but what adult over 35 still smokes crack? From my understanding, crack is not the type of drug that can be used over a prolonged period of time. Recreational crack quickly becomes habitual crack and the user will quickly become the abuser, and cracked-out is right around the corner.

The most famous crackheads that come to mind are the Browns and Whitney has alledgedly amassed a good deal cash that she could sustain a fairly long crack life, but crack makes the best of us look bad (money or not), as a matter of fact, the less money you have the worse crack will treat you. You could possibly end up doing things so out of character that you can only close your eye and imagine that you are playing the flute in the high school band. But in reality, crack can break you down to your least compound and have you scrambling for more instead of hustling to restore your former life.

The couple in question were having a three day crack party on $500 worth of crack. Again, no crack expert, but I never thought two people could go three hours on $500 dollars worth of crack let alone 3 days. If they only slept a few hours a day, and again who can sleep when they are high on crack, we are basically looking at about 22 hours a day and $250 worth of crack apiece (assuming that Bryan did not pull a pimp move and disproportionally split the pile of crack).

Roughly 66 hours and 250 dollars, $3.78 worth of crack per hour and breaking this down to hourly increments is generous because not many crackheads can go an hour without using - ask Bobby or Whitney. $3.78 worth of crack cocaine, you can not go to a crack dealer with $3.78, he will either shoot you or have the cops pick you up at his door - cracked out and going to jail (not a very good look). At least the Browns have the wherewithal and personal acumen to know that they will need more than $3.78 to keep up their level of crack abuse. These people were obviously not accustomed to have a 3 day crack binge because went so south so very quickly for them.

Crack is surely a young persons game. Older folks on crack cannot keep the beast from leading the shame and mockery parade through their lives. After thirty-five, the only crack I can accept is when the plumber visits or maybe a strip bar or two, but that is it. So if anyone in the crack game happens to read this posting, please check ID's. It will go a long way in protesting the fabric of our lives.

WFTV.com - News - Boss Spanked Employees For Mistakes, Police Say

2004-11-10T13:18:00.000-06:00

WFTV.com - News - Boss Spanked Employees For Mistakes, Police Say

This is truly strange and sort of creepy, but a simple example of how some people can convince themselves that they are on the right side by what they believe to be true.

Mr. Paul Levengood (57) owns and runs the Tasty Flavors Sno Biz in Red Bank, TN. Now, I have never been very adept to geography and I am about as unfamiliar with Tennessee geography as I am to lederhosen, kiddie porn, or doing thing by the books. But if I had to hazard a guess to where our man Levengood is, I would say somewhere between Red Neck and Red Arse.

Paul decided to be the full authority at the Tasty Flavors by deciding to discipline a couple of employee a their transgressions. The two nineteen year old girls accused P. Leezee of spanking them when they made mistakes on the job.

I am often accused of making the envision the worst in people or forecasting the gloom of most situations, but I can only imagine how popping things were at the Tasty Flavors. Pops spanking the young girls in his office with the black light illuminating the posters on the wall, as the disco ball fixed to the ceiling speckles the room. Big Daddy has the incense working as he swings his custom paddle -Pain is Love- through the air.

"Tell me you been a naughty girl." is heard from said back room as some pimply-faced kid is trying to take sno-cone orders from a couple of late night customers.

Mr. Levengood was under the assumption that he was protected from any prosecution of executing these acts because the girls obviously signed off on a spanking waiver in their application. The statement gave him permission to "bust my behind any way he sees fit." Hmmmmm. Obviously that did not fly as he is now free on $2000 bond.

So get with me after I open my Tasty Flavors franchise. Spankings going down in VIP and get you fresh sno cone on the way out.

Fewer Surfers Prowling For Porn | October 28, 2004

2004-10-29T15:37:00.000-05:00

CBS News | Fewer Surfers Prowling For Porn | October 28, 2004�18:16:51

Who knew?

Why was I not notified that we were going to stop surfing porn? I have been wracking my brain (as well as other body parts) trying to find better ways of multi-tasking this activity, and for what - You people want to quit on me.

Seven years ago, we ruled 20% of the active internet searches to now br reduced to 5 percent. That's a whole lot of quitting in my book. Where is the zeal for doing something well? Where is the pride in workmanship?

The next time I decide to "catch the wave", I will know better than to align myself with with a bunch of quitters who can not tough it out through a few annoying pop-ups or those other ads than go full screen and you can not minimize before the kids enter the room.

So I am mortally wound that my compadres could not sustain this momentum, so don't call me if you are gonna quit on the next big thing.

Rumors ...

2004-10-14T11:32:00.000-05:00

Dateline: My Desk
Newsflash: -- Yankee wife-swapping lifts the team

Who really know the truth when such rumors float around? Especially about the gods of the present day. Sports figures are so revered and live such different lives that a normal, mundane, existence would probably get old and go sour within the first four hours. Can you imagine Barry Bonds cleaning the gutters of his house or fixing a grilled cheese for the baby girl. He would be madly insane before noon.

But the rumor is reported about a current unnamed Yankee and comes from a former Ft. Worth Star Telegram reporter. Said Yankee is reported to be invigorated and attributes his wife swapping to this new found energy, Now, let's connect the dots: Ft. Worth beat reporter, Yankee, what Yankee has Texas ties, hmmmm. Hint: Lone Ranger. Starts with A, ends with Rod.

This latest circulation hit home with me (not that I condone the swapping of wives, but I don't condemn), because a really stand-up dude is getting married this weekend. Marriage is one of those types of things that no matter how much you have prepared (I shacked damn near longer than I have been married), you will never be prepared. No matter how well you may know your future spouse, you will never know everything. Marriage is the type of thing I will only do once. It only took one root canal for me to realize that I have to take care of the chicklets (teeth) so I won't have to go back. But I digress.

Wife swapping has to have its merits. Fox has a reality show with the heads up trading theme. So if it has hit mainstream reality TV, then it can't be bad. Now I'm not saying that I am looking to throw my girl into the ring, but I am intrigued by the activity itself. My curiosity is purely for research sake. Heeheehee. With my luck, I could probably only be able to trade for that dreaded 'player to be named later'.

For those that could not fathom the thought of the back of their betroth being blown out by some other dude or your sweetheart doing her best Pan the Magic Flute while you are on the sidelines, then swapping may not be a good idea. There are some that have a strong need for fresh pie (sic). Some men need (crave) a variety, those are just the freaks that get married and close their eyes real tight during sex with the wife and thinks of the neighbors wife, whether she is good looking or not. There are those in the married ranks that choose to be selfish and cheat. Now that is not cool. If you are bold enough to creep, then at least allow the significant other to get their thing on too. Thus swapping.

How does that conversation begin. "Hey would you guys like to come over and swap?" Or, "Bill, I have been watching you looking at my girl and I think your girl could really go hard in the paint ...". How do you broach the subject with anyone to be involved?
From what I understand there are parties, but again how do you find that comfortable place to offer up your spouse and also get equity in return.

I have scene those different shows that feature people with alternative lifestyles, but the people that consider that particular way of life are not really stunners. We would fantasize about going to a swap party where everybody is hot, like Eyes Wide Shut. But the reality is that most guys trying to swap their wives are trying to trade up, no guy is going to consider giving up his wife for a goon, unless he is married to a goon. Even at the nudist colonies, there is no good naked there.

If say, Hugh Hefner was swapping.... I'm in. Even if I have to throw my girl in the burlap sack and drag her to the grotto. But, say Cletus from the meth lab... er trailer park, is offering his leather mitt - I would have to decline.

I am a fairly plain guy. I have at least 10 pair of khaki's. So on spec, I would not be picked as a swapper. Swapping is for leather pants guy. Swapping is for a guy that can say that has been to a disco, at least twice. Swapping is for a guy that has a gold chain with a small spoon around his neck. That is so far removed from my world, but again, I can not condemn.

So I would say to anyone that is considering marriage or someone that may be realizing that their Ritz may just be a regular saltine, Keep it Fresh. If you need wigs, outfits whatever. Because if actual swapping has brought new life to a professional that has it all, a wig and a Nurse Betty outfit can do it for me.

Don't Let the Smooth Taste Fool You ...

2004-10-08T14:28:00.000-05:00

Dateline -- My Desk at Work
Headline -- 2% of Women polled consider themselves 'Beautiful'

I guess as I strapped on the battle-armor during my young and single days, I never took time to realize how true this fact could have been. 2%????? Most may sit in BUS 310 and think, out of the hundred chicks in the room there are more than 2 beautiful women. That may be true, but go down to the DMV.

The operative devices at work hear are 1) guys are not a barometer of what a woman deems beautiful, and 2) women have the luxury of several different categories of attractiveness as far as guys are concerned.

It is a fact - A guy cares less about what a girl has going on or even what type of person she may be. It's all initially about how she looks and sometimes it's more about one feature or another. Women on the other hand care less about how a man looks. A chick will be more inclined to moisture watching how a guy interacts with others or his stature. If you are a boss - you get head. If you are a peon; Nathan.

More dynamics at play - Given the two previous points (The 2% and what we look for), there is an interesting dynamic at play. At least 80% percent of women act like others should view them as 'beautiful'. Halle Berry said it best, 'It's not easy being beautiful'. So when you look at the chick that you think is out of your league, she may not think that she is half as beautiful as you think. So word of encouragement to you dweebs out there, 'Shoot your wad, young players. You never know what could happen. You may run into that girl whose beauty is breathtaking, but her self esteem is so low you need underwater gear to find it (Almost any female in the Golden Triangle). Now on the other hand, she may cuss (sic) you or get a restraining order, but there are more out there.

True enough, beauty is subjective. Nothing truer can be said. And it is also a fact that the longer I have been drinking and the more I have struck out, the more beautiful some girls may get. So Mfufu Akinballa, is over in the corner sending drinks to my table in hopes that I will keep drinking and she can close the deal. But by the same token, I have struck out several times so I might slam a couple tequila boilermakers to hasten the process and me and Mfufu can make our escape to the parking lot for a hot steamy car date.

If anyone has ever seen me with my family, it is not hard to realize which one of us really don't belong in the group. I am the understudy in a house of stars, but that just reminds me that the penny that was struck by lightning, the horseshoe, and the dead rabbit I carry in my pocket paid off.

So in closing, if you are out there and got more booty than you can shake a stick at. Then simply consider the mental state of those chicks on your team and if they truthfully consider themselves in the 2 percent.

Call You What ?????

2004-10-07T14:30:00.000-05:00

99% of us at some point have been called some other name than our god given monikers. Whether you like it or not we have all been called something. Most people have a cousin Pookie, Ray Ray, or Bubba. The childhood nicknames usually derive from a drunken uncle that would not have remembered you name if you had it plastered on your forehead. "Hey, Stinky, go get your Uncle Pooh a Budweiser." Thanks to Uncle Pooh, you will for ever be known as Stinky.

I went to grade school with a guy who for some unfortunate string of events was tagged 'Breath'.

We were on a field trip to the aquarium and this guy was watching the fish, but no fish swam directly in front of him. Another student, who was three years older than everyone else, but could not advance past the fifth grade where his mother was the teacher, cracked that his breath was so bad the fish could not swim in front of him. Thus, 'Breath' was born. The guy developed such a complex about it that he now has diabetes from all the gum he used to freshen his breath throughout the years.

There is also a segment of the population, which has donned their own moniker; something that they think suits them better than Todd or Brad. And so in the introduction they will begin their intro with, 'Just call me ....'. What you running from dude? Are you in witness protection or what? They names are usually T-Bone, Cool Breeze, or Butch. I'm sorry, can't do it. How about I call you Larry - Your mother does. His mama call him Clay, I'm gonna call him Clay.

Nicknames are not something that you bestow on yourself and they rarely stick if they are not truly descriptive or are a derivative of your name or where you are from. Several years ago, I bumped into a cat wearing a Brooklyn Dodgers cap and glasses. We introduce ourselves and he addresses himself as Spike. Hmmmm. Am I to call him Spike because he weighs 105 and has the glasses and hat, or was it genuine. Regardless, I could not bring myself to it. There has to be some nickname criteria set. If your new handle contains, Big, Sweet, Sexy, Boss, Rock, Juicy, Smooth, Pretty, or any offshoot; you get the 'Hey You' from me. Furthermore you will force me to make fun of you. If you go so far as to purchase any article of clothing with any of the aforementioned names, either get a hug or seek professional help - prescription drugs may not be a stretch.

For Entertainment Purposes Only

2004-10-07T10:42:00.000-05:00

FOXSports.com - Odds

There are opportunities for magic this weekend. This posting is for entertainment purposes only, but there is money to be made. Don't catch a brick. You don't wanna be caught in the rain without you raincoat.

Miami is a 13 point underdog. New England will score late to cover.
- This was too obvious. +100

Cleveland is pathetic, but they play big when least expected. Take the points, even though that +240 looks sweet.
- Roht, Roh. -110 Overall -10

Indianapolis is prime for an upset and if Oakland wins, I will be convinced that NFL players are on the take.
- A cover. +100 Overall +90

If you think Detroit can cover don't pass on the +250 money line.
- Ding. Ding. Ding. +250 Overall +340

Tampa Bay will get off the schneid and who better to do it against than New Orleans. $100 get you $155.
- I feeling it. +155 Overall +495

I hate to say it, but take the Giants money line against the Cowboys. $100 gets $160.
- I'm good. +160 Overall +655

Minnesota comes to Houston to destroy their buzz. Minnesota -4
- Don't hate me. +100 Overall +755

Buffalo is crap. The Jets have a soft schedule and will not cover 7. Buffalo +7
- This is sweet. +100 Overall +855

Jacksonville covers on the road v. San Diego. Jax -3.
- Ooops. -110 Overall +745

Denver will not win nor cover. Take the Panthers on the money line and double up. $100 get you $200.
- But what do I know. -100 Overall +645

Seattle covers 7 against the Rams. Seattle -7.
- The slide continues. -110 Overall +535

Arizona beats the Niners and wins $105 on a $100 bet.
- What got into the Niners. -100 Overall +435

Seven up, Five down. Overall wins $435.

Washington/Baltimore is too much of a toss up.

Parlay, Box, Straight. Play these as you will, but remember even though they are stone cold lead pipe locks. Take them with a grain of caution.

When It comes to Our Thing, There are rules, parameters....

2004-10-06T11:38:00.000-05:00

There are egregious violations going on from the east to the west. Something so painfully wrong that the heartland will never be the same. We must come together and take personal responsibility for correcting the tear that this worsening behavior has caused in the very fabric of our lives. Like a guy in public with tight pants or your woman referring to you as moist, something is wrong. This is very wrong.

The violation that I have noticed in one the most sacred layers of man's inner sanctum is the lack of concern and care that we show for one another by disrespectful the personal space that we are all entitled to in the men's room. We have to be good citizens. There is no greater disrespect from one man to another is the perimeter violation while attempt to use the can, hit the head, find peace, etc.

Say for instance, there are three urinals along a single wall. If you came in and all three post are unoccupied, it is so wrong on so many levels to park in that middle space. What are others to do when you have forced the issue by using the middle urinal. The proper thing to do is chose one of the outside drains. Taking the middle violates the stall and a half perimeter that must be respected to avoid anarchy in the men's room.

The same principle applies for the throne. Who wants another guy that close while seeking inner peace? The guy that will go to the middle stall has some serious social issues. I believe the selection of that stall is such a cry for attention that if I can identify that violator, I will take note, and monitor that person in the outside world so I can mock more of his behavior in the future. Some of you may say, 'In most laboratories, there are only two usable stalls, the third is handicap.' I would agree. There are only two usable stalls, the small stall adjacent to the nearest wall and the 'Handicap' (I call it the Presidential Suite). The real handicap is the guy who goes to the middle stall. It is such a cry for attention that I liken it to the ugly school who begs for someone to sit next to her on the bus.

As I sit in the 'Suite' atop the five inch thick layer of toilet paper that a lay over the seat and notice someone has selected the stall right next to me, I am taking note of all visuals that identify that person and I will begin the process of socially ostracize that person as a mens room violator. It matter not if it was the only stall open and you just a the Indian curry chicken, you are in breech of proper men's room etiquette.

As men, we are simple beings. We need to be mindful of the possibility of how wrong things can get in outhouse. We are responsible for keeping the room as safe and conducive for heavy meditation. We must respect the proper spacing, keep our hands to ourselves (the Moises Alou effect is real), and be good stewards for one of the few places we can have to ourselves and not give in to equal rights intruders.

Being Patterson ....

I thought you might like this article on Men's Health

RE: Carquest inquiry

Carquest inquiry

Reflections ...

The B1tch Set Me Up ... Part II

F-Bomb : The Day After

Serious Consideration is Required

Houston's Finest ...

Separation Anxiety ...

Two Minute Hate

'W' please go quietly ...

Get Out of My TV ...

People, Please .... There are still more than 60 days before the Inauguration.

Sept 1

When the Magic is gone ....

They Cannot Be Serious ...

For the Love of a Good Cape ...

When Factual Report Collide w/ Everyday Life ....

.... And I Don't Mean That In A Good Way.

Public Service Announcement ....

How stupid can you be?

From the Speakerbox ...

From the Theatre of the Absurd .....

Bit by Bit ...

Bit by Bit ...

Watch your hands and mouth ...

Watch your hands and mouth ...

Dope World ....

Putting two and two together ...

Next Stop Parachute, CO

When Justices Collide

Choice Cuts ...

Fading relevance ....Our most recent public figure who has reached 14 minutes and 59 seconds and insist on more :

I would have to ask more Questions ....Your program is what it is, but if it is to be believed I would have to ask more questions :

List ...

You should have known better ....Victims are often held hostage by their own stupidity :

Leaving Relevance

In Memory ...

Madness of Chuck E. Cheese Has Harsh Influence on Adults .....

Damn... Damn... Damn.... Why Reggie? Why?

CNN.com - Lawmaker says he shares homes with 2 women - Jan 24, 2005

Pentagon reveals rejected chemical weapons - News | Print | New Scientist

Why Some Women Suffer from Self Esteem Issues ....

Moments of Clarity ...

Couple Charged In Baby's Death After Three-Day Crack Binge

WFTV.com - News - Boss Spanked Employees For Mistakes, Police Say

Fewer Surfers Prowling For Porn | October 28, 2004

Rumors ...

Don't Let the Smooth Taste Fool You ...

Call You What ?????

For Entertainment Purposes Only

When It comes to Our Thing, There are rules, parameters....

Fading relevance ....
Our most recent public figure who has reached 14 minutes and 59 seconds and insist on more :

I would have to ask more Questions ....

Your program is what it is, but if it is to be believed I would have to ask more questions :

You should have known better ....

Victims are often held hostage by their own stupidity :