Wednesday, October 06, 2004

When It comes to Our Thing, There are rules, parameters....

There are egregious violations going on from the east to the west. Something so painfully wrong that the heartland will never be the same. We must come together and take personal responsibility for correcting the tear that this worsening behavior has caused in the very fabric of our lives. Like a guy in public with tight pants or your woman referring to you as moist, something is wrong. This is very wrong.

The violation that I have noticed in one the most sacred layers of man's inner sanctum is the lack of concern and care that we show for one another by disrespectful the personal space that we are all entitled to in the men's room. We have to be good citizens. There is no greater disrespect from one man to another is the perimeter violation while attempt to use the can, hit the head, find peace, etc.

Say for instance, there are three urinals along a single wall. If you came in and all three post are unoccupied, it is so wrong on so many levels to park in that middle space. What are others to do when you have forced the issue by using the middle urinal. The proper thing to do is chose one of the outside drains. Taking the middle violates the stall and a half perimeter that must be respected to avoid anarchy in the men's room.

The same principle applies for the throne. Who wants another guy that close while seeking inner peace? The guy that will go to the middle stall has some serious social issues. I believe the selection of that stall is such a cry for attention that if I can identify that violator, I will take note, and monitor that person in the outside world so I can mock more of his behavior in the future. Some of you may say, 'In most laboratories, there are only two usable stalls, the third is handicap.' I would agree. There are only two usable stalls, the small stall adjacent to the nearest wall and the 'Handicap' (I call it the Presidential Suite). The real handicap is the guy who goes to the middle stall. It is such a cry for attention that I liken it to the ugly school who begs for someone to sit next to her on the bus.

As I sit in the 'Suite' atop the five inch thick layer of toilet paper that a lay over the seat and notice someone has selected the stall right next to me, I am taking note of all visuals that identify that person and I will begin the process of socially ostracize that person as a mens room violator. It matter not if it was the only stall open and you just a the Indian curry chicken, you are in breech of proper men's room etiquette.

As men, we are simple beings. We need to be mindful of the possibility of how wrong things can get in outhouse. We are responsible for keeping the room as safe and conducive for heavy meditation. We must respect the proper spacing, keep our hands to ourselves (the Moises Alou effect is real), and be good stewards for one of the few places we can have to ourselves and not give in to equal rights intruders.