Wednesday, November 09, 2005

From the Theatre of the Absurd .....

My life rarely resembles anything on TV, but as I watched Terrell Owens' public apology to the team that he decided weeks ago to put on BLAST for a lack of class and a quarterback that he insinuated knew nothing about the quarterback position, I caught my baby boy, out the corner of my eye, stepping up to a podium and clearing his throat.

"As y'all know, I just got my ass beat for doing something that pops warned me about 30 minutes ago. To him I would like to say, 'I'm sorry.' To my mom, I know we have not always seen eye to eye, but I have always respected your mommy skills and apologize for making comments that the roast would have been so much better had granny cooked it."

This press conference went on for a few more minutes and Chase stepped away from the mic, giving way to Bailey, his agent.

"It takes a big boy to come forward like this and I think he deserves a chance to do the things he loves to do. Yeah, the roast comment was a tad out of line, and daddy is not quite as chubby as the picture my client drew of him on the living room wall, but the remorse and contrition that he has shown in the last fifteen minutes is genuine."

The girl across the street raised her hand and asked, "What have you done for your client besides tattle on him and get him a whipping and sent to time-out?"

News cameras flash and murmurs pervade through the gathering crowd as Bailey squirms a bit.

"Next question."

All jokes aside my kids are not that bad, but the behavior similarities between Mr. Owens and the kids are glaring. In his prepared apology, which by the way, was a day after the Eagles gave him the heave-ho, T.O. apologized to everybody including the garbage man. First off, an apology is not something read and certainly not something that you have to unfold from your pocket as you take the dais. When it has come to that you are merely reciting words. It's like I used to do with co-workers that I did not particularly care for. The department birthday, get-well, or sorry to see you go card would come around and I would sign it, God Bless S. Patterson. Now those that are into semantics get it right off, but for you that are not as attuned to sarcasm, that message was more of a plea for favor from GOD for me, than the schlub that the card is intended for. The belated act of contrition from Owens was a day late and 800K short. What he issued were only words. Most have been in that position before, where you have to say something that you don't necessarily mean to get what you want.
  • You are going to pay me back before my car payment is due? Uhhh. yeah yeah sure.
  • Do you love me? Uhhh. Of course I do. Slide those over.
When you put yourself in a position where you have to go completely counter to a position you stated earlier only denotes that you did not issue any forethought into your position to begin with or you are just not very bright. And in the case of Owens, he seems to formulate his thoughts in every one of the 1,000 press conferences and interviews that he has done in the past week. So I can only conclude that he is just dumb. Not dumb in the sense that he is not astute or lacks knowledge, but dumb in the sense that he is so distracted by all that goes into being T.O. that he takes no personal responsibility for his actions after he has engaged. Not a good trait for anyone over sixteen.

He says that he is a fighter and fighting for what he believed in lead him to this situation. Well, if standing up for your beliefs, lead you to a cartoonist apology then your belief system needs to be checked.

This may seem a bit salty, but it more because of the critical nature. I don't live in a world in which a person can not be called on your bullsh**. In my world, you have to stand by each statement, right or wrong, and take your lumps. There is no action that I have put in motion that I can not expect later to have that specter creep up from behind and tap me on the shoulder.

So, Mr. Owens, turn and look around. The next statement of belief that you make will be the next thing you have to apologize for, so why don't you write out you apology right after you state what you believe.