From the Theatre of the Absurd .....

My life rarely resembles anything on TV, but as I watched Terrell Owens' public apology to the team that he decided weeks ago to put on BLAST for a lack of class and a quarterback that he insinuated knew nothing about the quarterback position, I caught my baby boy, out the corner of my eye, stepping up to a podium and clearing his throat.

"As y'all know, I just got my ass beat for doing something that pops warned me about 30 minutes ago. To him I would like to say, 'I'm sorry.' To my mom, I know we have not always seen eye to eye, but I have always respected your mommy skills and apologize for making comments that the roast would have been so much better had granny cooked it."

This press conference went on for a few more minutes and Chase stepped away from the mic, giving way to Bailey, his agent.

"It takes a big boy to come forward like this and I think he deserves a chance to do the things he loves to do. Yeah, the roast comment was a tad out of line, and daddy is not quite as chubby as the picture my client drew of him on the living room wall, but the remorse and contrition that he has shown in the last fifteen minutes is genuine."

The girl across the street raised her hand and asked, "What have you done for your client besides tattle on him and get him a whipping and sent to time-out?"

News cameras flash and murmurs pervade through the gathering crowd as Bailey squirms a bit.

"Next question."

All jokes aside my kids are not that bad, but the behavior similarities between Mr. Owens and the kids are glaring. In his prepared apology, which by the way, was a day after the Eagles gave him the heave-ho, T.O. apologized to everybody including the garbage man. First off, an apology is not something read and certainly not something that you have to unfold from your pocket as you take the dais. When it has come to that you are merely reciting words. It's like I used to do with co-workers that I did not particularly care for. The department birthday, get-well, or sorry to see you go card would come around and I would sign it, God Bless S. Patterson. Now those that are into semantics get it right off, but for you that are not as attuned to sarcasm, that message was more of a plea for favor from GOD for me, than the schlub that the card is intended for. The belated act of contrition from Owens was a day late and 800K short. What he issued were only words. Most have been in that position before, where you have to say something that you don't necessarily mean to get what you want.

• You are going to pay me back before my car payment is due? Uhhh. yeah yeah sure.
• Do you love me? Uhhh. Of course I do. Slide those over.

When you put yourself in a position where you have to go completely counter to a position you stated earlier only denotes that you did not issue any forethought into your position to begin with or you are just not very bright. And in the case of Owens, he seems to formulate his thoughts in every one of the 1,000 press conferences and interviews that he has done in the past week. So I can only conclude that he is just dumb. Not dumb in the sense that he is not astute or lacks knowledge, but dumb in the sense that he is so distracted by all that goes into being T.O. that he takes no personal responsibility for his actions after he has engaged. Not a good trait for anyone over sixteen.

He says that he is a fighter and fighting for what he believed in lead him to this situation. Well, if standing up for your beliefs, lead you to a cartoonist apology then your belief system needs to be checked.

This may seem a bit salty, but it more because of the critical nature. I don't live in a world in which a person can not be called on your bullsh**. In my world, you have to stand by each statement, right or wrong, and take your lumps. There is no action that I have put in motion that I can not expect later to have that specter creep up from behind and tap me on the shoulder.

So, Mr. Owens, turn and look around. The next statement of belief that you make will be the next thing you have to apologize for, so why don't you write out you apology right after you state what you believe.

Bit by Bit ...

Damn, I though of that first ....

There a millions of things that I wish I could do, but have not had the opportunity. Things that generally would express my displeasure (some say all I have is displeasure, but I digress.

Tom Cruise was stumping for his next big budget piece of crap that he is about to drop on the viewing public, when four dudes posing as a foreign TV crew, rolled up with trick mic in hand. The renegade reporters got Cruises attention during a walk down the red carpet on the way to a screening of 'War of the Worlds'. Personally, I have had bowel movements that I anticipated more than this -- ahem -- crap. The reporter in this fake crew held the mic to Tom's face and squirted water or something that appeared to be water. A livid Cruise called the guy a jerk and referred to the prank as nasty.

HOW I MISSED OUT:
I have always wanted to squirt Cruise for something to let him know that Minority Report, M.I.P 2, Vanilla Sky, Magnolia, Interview with a Vampire, and on and on were unadulterated crap.

Leo DiCaprio was partying with Paris Hilton's ex-videomate (those racoon eyes were hilarious) when a angry female broke through to crack Leo with a beer bottle. No ambulance was called out during the 4am incident, but Leo had to get 12 stitches. Maybe he will start choosing better roles now.

HOW I MISSED OUT:
Leo is under the impression that he is the bast thing in Hollywood, if River Phoenix had not been taken, Leo would be on the Long Beach exit ramp with a Will Act for Food sign.

Bit by Bit ...

Damn, I though of that first ....

There a millions of things that I wish i could do, but have not had the opportunity. Things that generally would exprees my displeasure (some say all I have is displeasure, but I digress.

Tom Cruise was stumping for his next big budget piece of crap that he is about to drop on the viewing public, when four dudes posing as a foreign TV crew, rolled up with trick mic in hand. The renegade reporters got Cruises attention during a walk down the red carpet on the way to a screening of 'War of the Worlds'. Personally, I have had bowel movements that I anticipated more than this -- ahem -- crap. The reporter in this fake crew held the mic to Tom's face and squirted water or something that appeared to be water. A livid Cruise called the guy a jerk and referred to the prank as nasty.

HOW I MISSED OUT:
I have always wanted to squirt Cruise for something to let him know that Minority Report, M.I.P 2, Vanilla Sky, Magnolia, Interview with a Vampire, and on and on were unadulterated crap.

Leo DiCaprio was partying with Paris Hilton's ex-videomate (those racoon eyes were hilarious) when a angry female broke through to crack Leo with a beer bottle. No ambulance was called out during the 4am incident, but Leo had to get 12 stitches. Maybe he will start chosing better roles now.

HOW I MISSED OUT:
Leo is under the impression that he is the bast thing in Hollywood, if River Phoenix had not been taken, Leo would be on the Long Beach exit ramp with a Will Act for Food sign.

Watch your hands and mouth ...

Today, I realized the power of words - Verbal as well as written. I hurt a dudes feelings. A grown man!!!! I had to give that one a WOW. I have often caused females discomfort by the things that I have said and sometimes the things that I have not said, but never a dude. This no badge of honor for me, although I have no regrets, I wish I would have stayed closer to form and considered whether I was dealing with a fragile ego. He said that I got personal with him and that is probably true, but I always thought that you had to actually know something about that person personally, and I don't. What I said were facts, but nothing about the core of the man except for the fact that he misrepresented himself. I later found out how hurt he was when he replied to my fact with some documents that would have substantiated his story, other than the fact that the documents themselves were shady. I did not have the heart to refute them because that could have possibly triggered a psychotic episode - Tears are as far as I could take it. I hate to see a grown man cry.

I take caution in saying who I am and what I have done for this simple reason. You never know who has access to your books. Privacy is not always as private as you would like. Stating what type of person you are inevitably results in your nature betraying you (unless you are a monk and even they struggle). See any the catholic priest that have had charges brought against them, Jesse Jackson, etc. I feel that is important in living a regret free life. Stating who you are is often a slippery slope because you have to certainly know what separates your true personality from the part(role) that you portray. Again, Jesse, the priest, and others. These are often different entities and the more you go without syncing them the further apart they become. And lastly, never attribute your own accolades. Nothing rings truer than proof. If you say you have done it, make sure that if anyone going to check there is evidence, at least traces. See, any coach that has lost a job for mis-stating facts in their bios, Reggie Fowler, Lena Guererro, etc.

Who am I?

I am a simple dude that has managed to become a subject matter expert in my field (Software Quality Assurance Engineering), but I worked to gain that level of expertise to allow my wife and seeds to have the lives they want. I find pleasure in that for the moment. Someday, maybe I will be published, we will see. But I am not defined by plaques, ribbons, certificates, and the like. If I think that I am a decent person and can show that to people around me. I'm good. And my next step towards being decent is to watch what I say to the fragile for they have feelings too.

Watch your hands and mouth ...

Today, I realized the power of words - Verbal as well as written. I hurt a dudes feelings. A grown man!!!! I had to give that one a WOW. I have often caused females discomfort by the things that I have said and sometimes the things that I have not said, but never a dude. This no badge of honor for me, although I have no regrets, I wish I would have stayed closer to form and considered whether I was dealing with a fragile ego. He said that I got personal with him and that is probably true, but I always thought that you had to actually know something about that person personally, and I don't. What I said were facts, but nothing about the core of the man except for the fact that he misrepresented himself. I later found out how hurt he was when he replied to my fact with some documents that would have substantiated his story, other than the fact that the documents themselves were shady. I did not have the heart to refute them because that could have possibly triggered a psychotic episode - Tears are as far as I could take it. I hate to see a grown man cry.

I take caution in saying who I am and what I have done for this simple reason. You never know who has access to your books. Privacy is not always as private as you would like. Stating what type of person you are inevitably results in your nature betraying you (unless you are a monk and even they struggle). See any the catholic priest that have had charges brought against them, Jesse Jackson, etc. I feel that is important in living a regret free life. Stating who you are is often a slippery slope because you have to certainly know what separates your true personality from the part(role) that you portray. Again, Jesse, the priest, and others. These are often different entities and the more you go without syncing them the further apart they become. And lastly, never attribute your own accolades. Nothing rings truer than proof. If you say you have done it, make sure that if anyone going to check there is evidence, at least traces. See, any coach that has lost a job for mis-stating facts in their bios, Reggie Fowler, Lena Guererro, etc.

Who am I?

I am a simple dude that has managed to become a subject matter expert in my field (Software Quality Assurance Engineering), but I worked to gain that level of expertise to allow my wife and seeds to have the lives they want. I find pleasure in that for the moment. Someday, maybe I will be published, we will see. But I am not defined by plaques, ribbons, certificates, and the like. If I think that I am a decent person and can show that to people around me. I'm good. And my next step towards being decent is to watch what I say to the fragile for they have feelings too.

Dope World ....

I am put on pause by the prevalence of cannabis in our daily lives. In these times, pot has become as common as toothpaste. Whereas, we would never think that there is the possibility of a mainstream television commercial for the various types of herbal essences possible. There are inadvertent advertisement. The press reports stories on the mishaps of anyone in the public eye and everytime one celeb or another is reported to have some legal difficulty and marijuana is involved potheads across the land feel a bit more valid in their actions and are more empowered to bring their blunts from the huddled masses of the backroom to blazing on Main Street USA.

As I cast my net out for current news articles (material for this blog), articles about weed are as common as vendors on the east side.

Putting two and two together ...

These two articles are loosely related:
http://www.time.com/time/arts/article/0,8599,1061415,00.html
http://www.alertnet.org/thenews/newsdesk/L2688232.htm

The first article is about the exile that comedian Dave Chappelle remanded on himself. He needed a break from the pressure of receiving 50 million and remaining funny. I understand where the you man is coming from. The task to stay relevant and prove that you can possibly live up to such a payday is hard work. We see everyday, our not so well adjusted athletes, receive incredible salaries and become a shell of their best selves. That is purely a lack of concern because they have been paid. Chappelle can see that a loyal audience will assure that he remains viable in the markets that he makes his money and this pressure to keep his fan base lead him to South Africa, Johannesburg in fact.

The second article comes from Swaziland. A stones throw from South Africa, Swaziland is losing a lot of their commercial farmers and the crops they grow because they have chosen to stop growing their standard cash crops and start growing 'Swazi Gold'. Quoted from the article, 'Prized for its potency across the world, 'Swazi Gold' is grown in the remote northern mountains of this tiny African kingdom, then smuggled into neighbouring South Africa ...' and later 'Police in impoverished Swaziland say that despite dousing acres of towering plants with deadly insecticide, they are losing the war on marijuana to dirt-poor peasants bent on protecting their most lucrative crop.'

Swazi marijuana, which is said to be more potent due to the soil and weather conditions, fetches a handsome premium. On the streets of Johannesburg, 'Swazi Gold' is sold in 30 gram small bank bags, or 'bankies', for 70 rand ($11) apiece, while Amsterdam coffee shops charge around 6 euros ($7.5) for one gram. Locals say they get around 1,000 rand ($154) for 2kg.

Patterson's equation of copious cash meets Excellent weed:
Dave Chappelle(50 million dollars) + Swazi Gold(@ 11 dollars/30 grams = One hell of a party when Dave gets back.

Next Stop Parachute, CO

http://www.hightimes.com/ht/news/content.php?bid=434&aid=24

The Parachute, Colo., Police Department has a problem: how do get rid of 151 pounds of marijuana. Police normally use a burn barrel outside the police department, but the stash from a recent drug bust is so big that the burn barrel can't be used. "The whole town of Parachute would be getting silly (if it were burned in the barrel)," said Jeff Wells, a Parachute police officer. The drugs came from an arrest on May 19 in which two Florida men have been charged with possession with the intent to distribute, according to Wells.

A drug dog had sniffed out an empty duffel bag in one suspect's car after a routine stop, so authorities followed the car to a motel in Parachute, where the driver met up with another man. That's where William Morgan and Anthony Keane were arrested on charges of drug possession with intent to distribute.

In a related story, the owner of the local Dairy Queen in parachute had close his doors after rioting broke out as customers packed his establishment screaming for Blizzards. Noted in the crowd of rioters were the six officers of the Burn detail that were responsible for disposing of the 151 pounds of dope.

When Justices Collide

I recently attended a party at Justice Clarence Thomas' place. I shared a limo to the event with Montell Williams, Snoop, and Robert Iler (Tony Jr. from the Soprano's). We were greeted at the door by Justice Thomas where he cordially offered me a can of Coca-Cola. I immediately declined.

There were all sorts of people there from all walks of life. Sandra Day O'Connor was breaking down a Phillies and encouraging Snoop to contribute to her impending creation. William Rehnquist, the chief justice, was seen for a short time incoherently babbling about his glaucoma medication.

These justices were also outnumbered 6-3 on the use of medical marijuana in 10 states, stating that the states were in violation of interstate commerce laws.

Choice Cuts ...

Fading relevance ....
Our most recent public figure who has reached 14 minutes and 59 seconds and insist on more :

Bobby Brown (aka Mr. Whitney Houston)

Don't get me wrong, I'm really not suped ....

Bobby Brown (36), one of the original members of the New Edition crew, can not avoid the press. This somehow notes an unhealthy craving for attention on the worst level. Buddhist monks meditate and pray for peace by finding an escape from their destructive nature. Bobby is so far from the path of enlightenment that, from his perch atop Mt. Crack, he probably could not see the light. The Bobby Brown has already claimed the blooming career of his wife, Whitney 'Crack Signs' Houston, his fellow New Edition mates, Teddy Reilly, and briefly Martin Lawrence. Bobby is schlep-rock and anyone he touches is going down. Last week, two members of the Brown Crack Wagon, were stabbed at a party at Justin's (Atlanta). Kelsey Brown (20) and Shayne Brown (21)are in stable condition after being slashed and stabbed in the restaurant. If I could get a word to either youngster, GET AS FAR AWAY FROM BOBBY AS YOU CAN. Slashed and Stabbed??? Does anybody know where OJ was? And OJ, if you were not there that night, I think we may have a lead to the killers of Ron and Nicole.


But I digress ...


Science tells us that a flame burns hottest in those final moments of life (when the air around is waning). This only shows how association with a red hot comet can lead to third degree burns. Bobby, you are a danger to those around you. Just because you have been diagnosed as bi-polar does not entitle you to two fifteen minute stints of fame. Give it up. You can only be ridiculed by the show, stop doing karaoke at Justin's on Sundays', take care of Whitney and all you kids after you seek immediate help.


Gallagher (Damn it, man. Who left the closet open?)


How many watermelons have to suffer the indignity?

Your boy Gallagher has incorporated the slapping of fans to his act. According to reports, he has been walking on the patron tables, berating waitresses, and slapping fans. Is he losing his mind? Oh, I forgot, HE IS GALLAGHER.


Now there are a few factors that would explain the strange behavior of the one-time Vegas headliner and big time TV star. The main factor being the fact that he has been doing a show in Laughlin at Don Laughlin Hotel and Resort for the last decade where he probably still owes Mr. Laughlin some cash. What happened? Did 'G' rack up some heavy debt in Laughlin and now Don is making him work off the paper? The waitresses are taking drink orders during his show. I guess something has to be done to coerce people into think he is still funny.


He slapped a fan across the head and compared it to a pie in the face and lauded himself because it got a laugh. So basically, Gallagher is working on the same level as a clown or Beni Hana chef. Listen, touch me or throw food at me and that's your ass.


So 'G', if you have not already heard, "Your fifteen are up!!! Let's Go!!!"

I would have to ask more Questions ....

Your program is what it is, but if it is to be believed I would have to ask more questions :

Never been a P. Diddy fan, but I have to side with the brother. Recently Ms. Misa Brim (mother of Justin Combs) was awarded the largest child support settlement in New York history ($21,782/month). That is excessive. Your boy was paying $5K. Does it matter what he is really making? There comes a point in which childcare is capped.

If P. Diddy was in the crib with Justin and Justin's mom (gravy-train driver), Justin would never see $21K a month. Does Ms. Brim have to seek any employment to prove that she can take care of herself, Justin withstanding? Who is P. really taking care of? And if he has to pay that much, how about doing it in the form of payment vouchers. She would have to account for all the cash that is spent and in surplus is carried over to the next month. There has to be some solution to end the rape of guys that have made serious miscalculations and happened to bed down with suspect broads.

List ...

Where the hell have you been?

• Digable Planets - Announced a Major Summer Tour


• Joe Budden - New album to drop this Summer


• Mark Felt - Announced that he was 'DeepThroat'


• Jamaal Lewis - Out the pokee and into halfway house


• Dave Chappelle - Welcome back from Africa, Now get to work

You should have known better ....

Victims are often held hostage by their own stupidity :

Richard Monroe

was recently victimized by his lack of proper decision making skill when he found himself on stage kickin' it with Snoop, The Game, Oh-wee, and several entourage members. During the closing performance of a show, Snoop doing Gin and Juice, Mr. Monroe felt that it would be a grand idea to approach Snoop doggy-style and put his hands on the rappers shoulders (just another place one man does not need to touch another). But the result of this lapse in judgement resulted in a Death Row type beatdown for Monroe. Monroe may not had ask for it, but he sure got it.


The Gallagher incident mentioned above found William Edward May III in the midst of several bad calls. The first being attending the show. Then he sat close enough where Gallagher had access to touch him. And so because of there serious errors, May found himself in the middle of a set with a pissed off Gallagher, fans starving for a laugh, and his seat in the comedians radius. Gallagher, famous for destroying watermelons for laughs, slapped May across the head. May asked for and got it.

John Jenkins (53) and his wife Ramona (35) have filed a lawsuit against Eastern Associated Coal and Chisler Inc, Mr. Jenkins suffered severe burns over his face and neck after succumbing to his nicotine urge. The danger signs here are the facts that Jenkins works as a power plant operator for North West Fuels Development Inc, the incident occurred after John entered the ... uhm... portable John, and owned a cigarette lighter. So like the Perfect Storm, these things came together to burn Mr. Jenkins severely and create a blast that left him wondering whether he leapt from the portable or if he was thrown. The Jenkins' are seeking 10 million because John could not take a crap without lighting up.
First that I have heard of a toilet blowing up a person before the person had the chance to strike first.

Leaving Relevance

Signpost ahead, 'You are Leaving Relevance, Turn off the lights as you leave'. You may not realize it yet, but your clock o' fame has flipped to 14:59. Its time to go.

Don't make it harder than it needs to be. Grace would lead you to stack your chips and make you ejection as soft a landing as possible. Otherwise, people by nature will buy tickets to watch you crash and burn.

Just think of how many figures in the public eye have been hugging that leg screaming to stay. It worse than when Jeff VanGundy was hugging Alonzo Mourning's leg during the brutal air fight between Mourning and Larry 'Gran Ma Ma' Johnson. VanGundy looked like a spat, just like so many others when it comes to giving up stardom.

There is no reason for anyone from the cast of Different Strokes to make a guest appearance anywhere, if the local Roscoe's Chicken & Waffles. I don't need to see it. If you were ever a member of New Edition (old or new), put the mike down and back away.

I am almost empathetic to Micheal Jackson, but his current trials were generated by the 'gloved one' himself. This is a guy who has not been hurting for cash since the early eighties when he was Black. The birth of nephew brought to mind the conspiracy of this case. Humor me if you will.
Somewhere around the early eighties after 'Off the Wall' and while writing 'Thriller', MJ devised a plot to take some time off, but keep the MJ machine
rolling. He had his trusted assistant, let's call him Mr. White, pose as him while he had some much needed basement time. Jackson gorged himself on Little Debbie Oatmeal Creme Pies and Nutty Buddy's. He put on a little weight, but enjoyed the freedom. Oblivious to the antics of Mr. White, MJ enjoyed the freedom of walking the streets and going unnoticed. Over the years, Mr. White spent freely and got into a bit of trouble. Seemingly decimating the funds Mr. Jackson worked so hard to build. Jackson had to re-invent himself, but could not stay out of the limelight. He has gone on to star in television shows with a young boy, Kel, that he took under his wing and also lead in a few movies (GoodBurger and Fat Albert).

But this goes to show that if Mr. Jackson had simply diversified his holdings in other ways, he would still be fairly revered. His name would not be sullied with the current and past allegations and there would not be a line of future cases. And he would not have to be currently looking for that next piece of crap movie vehicle to extend his current habit of Little Debbie treats.

Everyone wants to feel as if they are relevant to something or someone in no matter how small a way. The mistake that is commonly made is when that time is up and you are no longer relevant in that particular segment, we hold on. When we hold on, we lose our audience.

Becoming irrelevant should not bruise ones ego or designate that that person no longer has valid contributions. It simply means that that person needs to diversify. Find something else that defines them. Astronomy shows that stars don't always remain stars. Take a hint that James Brown coined, but could not adhere to when he asked his cousin Maceo, '... can I hit it and quit it?'

Hit it and Quit it. In and out like a robbery. Both lost arts. Primarily because there have been some that appeared as if their 15 minutes lasted longer than others. But when it all comes down, it was the same old 15 minutes. And at 15:30, people are pointing fingers and laughing.

In Memory ...

We lost one the brightest minds in law on Tuesday, March 29th. Johnie Cochran passed from a bout with a brain tumor and it was almost treated as an aside.

The signoff on my local newscast had the anchorman coming back from a story about an 83 year old lady who does what she can at the local firehouse trying to relieve tensions and give the boys what they may be missing at home and he then goes, "Oh yeah and Johnie Cochran is dead. Good Night and Stay Classy."

Cochran was a man that started out prosecuting in what was at the time the largest prosecuting attorneys office in the world, the L.A. District attorneys office, and quickly made his way to one of their lead roles. At that point they created a monster that would come back and bite them in the ARSE.

Fulfilling the internal need to serve a greater good, he started defending the rights of disadvantaged people. Having won 10 straight criminal defense cases against his old employer, he took the case of Geronimo Pratt. L.A. DA's office was not going to let him get passed them with this one. Right or wrong, Cochran was not going to win that case. So Pratt's innocence was of no consequence. Johnie was defending so innocent or not, the case had to be one of example. Cochran lost his first case, Pratt went to jail for life, and it has been discovered that tons of evidence that would have freed Pratt had been buried by the DA.

Johnie never the less was pole vaulted to a level of celebrity. But regardless of his station he still remained grounded, taking cases upon merit rather than dollars. As he defended 'The Glove' to the best of his ability, he also defended Reginald 'I got the Beatdown' Denny. He wowed the jury at the OJ trial when he spit, "If the Glove don't fit, you must acquit ..." As OJ faked as if the blood stained glove was too small for his hand.

The Cochran victories are the stuff legends are made of while the defeats were hardly noticed. So with his passing, we don't look at it as a defeat, but a home-going. Godspeed Johnie. We only regret that R. Kelly, Beanie Seigel, and Kobe Bryant could not retain you.

Madness of Chuck E. Cheese Has Harsh Influence on Adults .....

Mad Woman Caught on Chuck E. Cheese Camera

Dateline --- Round Rock, TX

A woman who reportedly is the mother of two was unknowingly captured on a camera at Chuck E. Cheese shooting the bird to a minor who was apparently barging in on the good times had by the children in her charge. To this reporters knowledge, nothing this shocking has ever been posted to this blog. The children that were under the watchful eyeful of a young lady rumored to be.... well, we will call her CP (to be known henceforth as Mrs. X), display utter shock, horror, and disdain for what is going on. The young man, circled in the bottom right of the inset, whom we can not name because he is a minor (we will call him Chase) is oblivious to the intruder as well his mothers 50% off peace sign that she is flashing at the young intruder yet to be identified.

"Mrs. X has always seemed so responsible and mindful." said the five year old along for this magical ride.

"I knew something looked odd about the hand gesture being used" quoted another parent nearby.

We called Mrs. Xs' home and our call was answered by someone claiming to be Mr. X. He babbled a few incoherent words followed by a Guiness Black and Tan induced burp. As we tried to get more information from him, he gave us a resounding F U and hung up the phone.

It has been speculated that the use of this term is commonplace in the X household. Cursing more than a coven of witches on Halloween, the Xs' are not the most high level communicators and resort to belittling others under duress.

So when in Pattersonville understand that you don't to back either of them into a corner. The 'F-Bombs' fly early and often. God forbid you are in the need of asistance, on any roadside as this family comes riding by. As you wave to try and get their attention, they will be waving back. And their wave will not be indicating that they are number one, nor will they be point you to the right direction. As they pass, it will become abundantly clear what that signal is. Turn it up, turn it down, it sound the same whistling in the wind.

Peace,
or at least half of it anyway.

Damn... Damn... Damn.... Why Reggie? Why?

How humiliating. I am absolutely mortified. How can Reggie do this to us?

I once knew a guy named Reggie and I knew instantly that I could not trust him. It is something about a grown man that refers to himself as "Reggie" that is just not right. I can not recall one "Reggie" that had any redeeming social qualities at all. There was Reggie from the Archie comics, Jackie Gleason's real name was Reggie, the sap in 'Casablanca' was named Reggie, Reggie Jackson, and so the list goes.

Reggie Fowler has positioned himself as the first minority owner of a NFL team, the Vikings, a few days ago and and as par for the course the entire black community has piled on higher than a steaming bowl of chit' lins at the summertime family reunion. There have been dozens to attempt this feat before, from the low key to the ex-NFL'er with huge financial backing. Reggie seemed to have his ducks in a row, not only is he a billionaire, Spiral Inc. has several diverse holdings, but he has partnered with a few other cats that carry weight as well. Reggie even endeared himself to the Minnesota community by using a Sugar Hill Gang reference when at his press conference to announce that he is a candidate to buy the team from filthy-rich Red McCombs (who stands to clear over 350 million from the deal), he said, "I'm six foot one and tons of fun".

That is when the trouble started and the community stampeded away from Reggie quicker that Jose Conseco (which is Spanish for Reggie) outing the next steroid enhanced buddy to make a quick buck. Big Reg listed the following in his bio - University of Wyoming linebacker whom played for the Cincinnati Bengals and Calgary Stampeders, Little League World Series participant, and a passion for numbers that led him to a degree in Finance. Most of which ended up being patentedly false. Fowler never stayed with either professional franchise to even smell the coffee let alone have a sip - he never made it through training camp in both cases. He has never been near the Williamsport locale of the LLWS. And lastly, he received his degree from UW in social work where there is not a real big call for a passion for numbers.

Now he has to have a passion for something because it has not been disputed (yet) whether he is a billionaire or not. As a matter of fact I am sure that his biographical embellishment aided in getting to the position he is in today. That double edged sword has just been turned to the sharper side and now Reggie has been nicked. The thing that has me scratching my slightly thinning head is , 'If you are a billionaire, WHY LIE?' At billionaire status, I could give two shits what the next guy thought of who I am or where I have been.

And the fact that his CV contained the lies is one thing, but the lies are so poor. The Bengals???? Who would lie about playing for the Bengals? Most current and past Bengals players lie about not playing for the team. Icky Woods is somewhere right now looking for a deserted island to live out the rest of his days not being tied to the team and not having to do that BS of a dance.

The last thing we need is for Reg to be cast as a liar. This could probably set black folks back another four hundred years. Reggie's little faux pas is going to have me 'bustin' up a chifferow' for Massa before it is said and done. So Reggie, my man, the Little League thing I can overlook. Touting that your company is higher on the list of Black owned businesses than it actually is - takes no skin off my back. But I do find the actions of a man claiming to have played for not one, but two of the worst professional football franchises in North America absolutely unconscionable. You should be stripped of something for that (give me a minute to come up with a punishment to fit the crime, like maybe spend your money owning either team). You are a billionaire, if someone does not like you, send them to their financial ruin and laugh as they go to the poor house, just don't tell the bad lie.

It just goes to show how careful we all need to be in these days and time. You never know whose watching, how much scrutiny you are under, and how you past is on your ass like a Doberman after you have stolen your moms silverware to hock for a beer. So everything being everything Reggie, are you really 6'1" and a ton of fun?

CNN.com - Lawmaker says he shares homes with 2 women - Jan 24, 2005

Playaz gotta play, Ballaz gotta ball .... R. Kelly

From the files of "Why Could This Have Not Worked for Me"

State Senator John Ford, a Memphis Democrat, who has headed senate committees on the state's child welfare policies - has found a way to exercise the very margins of the laws that he created. Ford has been divorced since 2002, a bitter contest that led his ex-wife to crash her sedan into the home of his long time girlfriend.

Now if you want a full view of the scoreboard: Ex-wife - 3 kids, Long time girlfriend - 2. Ford has managed to stay out of the greedy clutches of CHSUP by maintaining two families and physically living in both houses. Label how you will, all I can say is "Now that is PIMP!".

Ford is free to traipse between two houses with no issues. Originally, I thought that the only way this could happen is if the good state representative either is living two lives on the DL or it is purely a financial thing and the women have agreed to let him sleep on the couch in either residence. Well, that thought quickly vanished after reading that the former Mrs. Ford is six months pregnant by Mr. Ford.

Damn It. How does this guy get away with it? Let me benefit off the sale of a Halloween Mars bar that one of my in-house kids pass over. The AG will swoop down so fast taking their cut that all you will see is two dimes spinning in the wind. In Texas they are so cold that they will charge interest on any back child support, but not necessarily pay out that interest amount collected.

Ford skirts the entire AG involvement by maintaining the households for both women and dropping in for a little nookie on the side. Yes, I said side nookie, because apparently Rep. Ford's lifestyle has come to question only because a third woman has a ten year old fathered by Ford. Skeezer #3 has sued Ford to increase the $500 per month that she receives from his $385K plus salary.

Ah, a chink in the chain, apparently Pimpy could not keep his skee-o's in check because this third person has not only won a suit charging that with an employee of then General Sessions Clerk Ford. She claims that while "ahem" working under Ford, she was sexually harassed and now has a ten year old son.

Mr. Ford, I just wanna know how I can be down with your program?

Pentagon reveals rejected chemical weapons - News | Print | New Scientist

Pentagon reveals rejected chemical weapons - News | Print | New Scientist

The Pentagon considered several non-lethal chemical weapon solutions to demoralize their foe and make raping their countries of their precious resources easier without the mess of blowing things up.

Some ideas that they have tossed around include:
- An "aphrodisiac" weapon
This weapon is designed to cause the enemy to find
one another irresistible. This has been commonly found
in most urban areas and known as the "bomb ass
pu$$y". It has been the down fall of many black men.
- A weapon that attracts angry wasp or rats to troop positions
The chemical weapons to attract pest is another
by-product of the continually product testing that
goes on in the hood. The pest list in the urban warfare
not only included wasp and rats, but babies mamas as
well.
- A weapon that causes severe and lasting halitosis
This was a weapon that dealt a crushing blow to the
urban ballah that were subject to be caught out with
out the necessary equipment to freshen up. Commonly
referred to as the bomb a$$ weed, chronic, hydro, and
the list continues. And for those that refused to
inhale, there are Newports.
- And lastly, a weapon that make the skin unbearable to
sunlight
Just when my Caucasian brothers and sisters thought
they were safe, this weapon was developed. Commonly
referred to as the sun, this weapon was designed to
make your pale a$$ peel and go running for the SPF-
155.

So in essence, it is good to see that our nation is proactive about finding humane solutions to warfare and have found many of those right here in our home neighborhoods and communities.

Why Some Women Suffer from Self Esteem Issues ....

Ashlee Simpsons vocal malfunction

The article references the vocal assault that Ms. Simpson unleashed on the Orange Bowl crowd and viewing audience. How could a veritable no-talent could have the pull to command an Orange Bowl stage, the last college football game of the year.

Blame (I rarely cast blame and so I feel that when I do I have to be as accurate as possible, but I feel that this scenario is more than clear) can only be placed on Joe Simpson. Unlike another Joe (Jackson) who fashion his kids as the clydesdales that will power the gravy-train, Rev. Joe Simpson's train was rolling with the speed of a fat man toward Krispy Kreme when the red light comes on. Family beauty Jessica's star on the steady rise, the Simpsons were going to be taken care of. Ms. Lachey was pimping everything from pizza to acne creme, taking her ditzy act and Double D's to the bank (ching-ching).

So this atrocity in the Orange Bowl was not the affect of the good reverend thinking Ashlee was just as talented or a slight to Jessica's good fortune as if anyone could do what she does. I saw it coming a mile away. Younger, Ugly Duck of a sister believes that she was the one with the smarts while older sister got the looks. She probably thought that even more people would for her act because she has an edge. I saw the tear-filled conversation with daddy about how ugly she felt since Jessica has gotten all the press. A daddy who wants to make things right turned on the media machine that made one daughter. The same machine has mashed the other over that edge that she put so much thought into claiming.

Joe's crime is failure to parent via tossing cash at the problem. So what has occurred - the SNL lip syncing and now the halftime show where she was roundly booed (have you ever heard of anyone being booed anything but roundly). Disasters usually come in threes and we have experienced two so let's throttle back a bit before three begins to affect the ATM that you already have going. Overexposure can killed a career, ask Jessica's husband (ol' what his name). Or any of the latin singers that were just out a few years back. Or Kobe Bryant. Or, er .... you get my point.

Yahoo! News - Man Charged With Aiming Laser at Aircraft

David Banach originally lied to investigators when questioned about recent lasers that were reported shone into the cockpits of several planes and helicopters. Banach told the investigators that it was his daughter behind the laser attacks. When paced through a lie detector, it was proven that Banach was actually the culprit.