Thursday, February 17, 2005

Damn... Damn... Damn.... Why Reggie? Why?

How humiliating. I am absolutely mortified. How can Reggie do this to us?

I once knew a guy named Reggie and I knew instantly that I could not trust him. It is something about a grown man that refers to himself as "Reggie" that is just not right. I can not recall one "Reggie" that had any redeeming social qualities at all. There was Reggie from the Archie comics, Jackie Gleason's real name was Reggie, the sap in 'Casablanca' was named Reggie, Reggie Jackson, and so the list goes.

Reggie Fowler has positioned himself as the first minority owner of a NFL team, the Vikings, a few days ago and and as par for the course the entire black community has piled on higher than a steaming bowl of chit' lins at the summertime family reunion. There have been dozens to attempt this feat before, from the low key to the ex-NFL'er with huge financial backing. Reggie seemed to have his ducks in a row, not only is he a billionaire, Spiral Inc. has several diverse holdings, but he has partnered with a few other cats that carry weight as well. Reggie even endeared himself to the Minnesota community by using a Sugar Hill Gang reference when at his press conference to announce that he is a candidate to buy the team from filthy-rich Red McCombs (who stands to clear over 350 million from the deal), he said, "I'm six foot one and tons of fun".

That is when the trouble started and the community stampeded away from Reggie quicker that Jose Conseco (which is Spanish for Reggie) outing the next steroid enhanced buddy to make a quick buck. Big Reg listed the following in his bio - University of Wyoming linebacker whom played for the Cincinnati Bengals and Calgary Stampeders, Little League World Series participant, and a passion for numbers that led him to a degree in Finance. Most of which ended up being patentedly false. Fowler never stayed with either professional franchise to even smell the coffee let alone have a sip - he never made it through training camp in both cases. He has never been near the Williamsport locale of the LLWS. And lastly, he received his degree from UW in social work where there is not a real big call for a passion for numbers.

Now he has to have a passion for something because it has not been disputed (yet) whether he is a billionaire or not. As a matter of fact I am sure that his biographical embellishment aided in getting to the position he is in today. That double edged sword has just been turned to the sharper side and now Reggie has been nicked. The thing that has me scratching my slightly thinning head is , 'If you are a billionaire, WHY LIE?' At billionaire status, I could give two shits what the next guy thought of who I am or where I have been.

And the fact that his CV contained the lies is one thing, but the lies are so poor. The Bengals???? Who would lie about playing for the Bengals? Most current and past Bengals players lie about not playing for the team. Icky Woods is somewhere right now looking for a deserted island to live out the rest of his days not being tied to the team and not having to do that BS of a dance.

The last thing we need is for Reg to be cast as a liar. This could probably set black folks back another four hundred years. Reggie's little faux pas is going to have me 'bustin' up a chifferow' for Massa before it is said and done. So Reggie, my man, the Little League thing I can overlook. Touting that your company is higher on the list of Black owned businesses than it actually is - takes no skin off my back. But I do find the actions of a man claiming to have played for not one, but two of the worst professional football franchises in North America absolutely unconscionable. You should be stripped of something for that (give me a minute to come up with a punishment to fit the crime, like maybe spend your money owning either team). You are a billionaire, if someone does not like you, send them to their financial ruin and laugh as they go to the poor house, just don't tell the bad lie.

It just goes to show how careful we all need to be in these days and time. You never know whose watching, how much scrutiny you are under, and how you past is on your ass like a Doberman after you have stolen your moms silverware to hock for a beer. So everything being everything Reggie, are you really 6'1" and a ton of fun?