Thursday, January 05, 2006

From the Speakerbox ...

I usually post when there are things so absurd that I feel I have to poke fun at it. Kicking someone when they are down takes more energy than most would think.

By the way, major shouts go out to those Texas Longhorns (did not have the nerve to take them on the straight up win for $1.70 on the dollar, but regardless I supported).

Former DC Mayor Marion "the *itch set me up" Berry was robbed at gunpoint by a group of adolescents that had just recently helped him carry his groceries into his DC apartment. Berry tipped the crew a ten spot and I guess they felt that wasn't enough and returned for more. Although there is so much material on Berry, all I can offer is these two bits of advice, either tip bigger or call a real estate agent. Obviously Marion did not bring it when duty called.

I have embarked on a nation-wide search for the right type of lady to comprise a new group that I am putting together. Relax P. Diddy, I am not looking to replace/compete with any of the no-talent girl groups that you are trying to put together. Although once I get my girls in place, I dare you to step into my arena. The girls that I am looking for must be willing to take no shorts. They must be able to recognize when those around them are bullshitting and take evasive action. These girls must be ready to take it to another level at any point. Recruitment has started and I have sent invitations to the following:
Mrs. Monica Conyers

Video: Monica Conyers hit me in the eye ….

Monica has it all together. She can run for council office in her fair city of Detroit and she can whip some ass when a drunken club patron gets in her grill. From published reports, Rebecca Mews (the assaulted) was kicking it at the Club Crossroads with her date celebrating her birthday when the urge to re-kindle old friendships rudely intervened. Ms. Mews’ date and Mrs. Conyers made their way to the dance floor. Now Mews was put off either because her date chose to dance with Conyers or maybe they were doing the lambada in the disco, but regardless, overcome with emotion she chose to break up the little reunion between the old friends. Usually this is when I try to advise against any sudden, rash decisions. Mews got between the two “friends” and the encounter became heated between her and Conyers, which lead to Conyers dotting that eye. This was a true example of a woman that knows how to bring it at the right time. She spotted an emotional wreck waiting to happen and took evasive action expediting Mews to the emotional breakdown she was most assuredly creeping toward.

Monica, if you get this post, call me. I got a mission for you.

My next invite, goes to Rhonnel Hearn.

Hearn may not be known to the common person, and that works to her advantage. You may be out there acting a fool and before you know it Rhonnel can creep up and guerilla warfare that a$$.
Mrs. Hearn was in the end zone seats at the game between the Philadelphia Eagles and Washington Redskins with her family in support of her son Redskins running back Clinton Portis. During the course of the game, after the ‘Skins had blown the game open using the halfback pass, a disgruntled Eagles fan decided to share their beer with Mrs. Hearn without passing the cup.

The doused Hearn found the culprit and gave her a bit of hand-to-mouth contact. Now just as in the case above, most people that get the short end of the stick was looking for it to a degree. Once you have thrown the beer, do not claim any ownership to said sailed beverage (See how the guy that hit Ron Artest pleaded innocence and even got a couple of shots in without getting hit). But I also, doubt that a woman would commit such a heinous act. If a woman is drinking beer, she does so because she has acquired a taste. Unlike most men that are just drinking because it is a conduit to a land of detached reality and feelings of euphoria. So I assert that a gentleman in the stands spotted the Hearn crew and in his drunken state of mind, threw his beer at them. Rhonnel turned to identify where the cool, refreshing drink came from and the gent let her know. Being a woman of action and one to be trifled with, she went up in the stands and punished his date for the sins that he committed. Lesson to be learned, ‘Don’t mess with a wild card’ or ‘When your date throws beer on a woman you don’t know, separate yourself from him.’

Now, I believe Hearn and Conyers could be a duo that would wreck any tag team of those wrestling girls, any two chicks from MTV’s Real World or Road Rules that would want to fight, or the two Destiny Child members that will need something to do after Beyonce does her bounce. But I need one more chick that will make it a trio and put us in the class of Charlie and his angels. Hmmmmm … A fiery, high profile chick that will box at the drop of a hat.

My final addition will be Naomi Campbell. Although she has not been in the news lately we all know she will put hands on an assistant with out a thought of her own safety.

It is always best to fight fire with fire, and so I would like to get this group of women together to combat all the other dysfunctional women out there in the world. All a dude would have to do is drop me a line if he wants to eradicate all female drama from his upcoming function. I can either post my “Don’t Trip *itch” team at the door or have them patrol the party and let them do what they do.