Monday, June 20, 2005

Bit by Bit ...

Damn, I though of that first ....

There a millions of things that I wish I could do, but have not had the opportunity. Things that generally would express my displeasure (some say all I have is displeasure, but I digress.

Tom Cruise was stumping for his next big budget piece of crap that he is about to drop on the viewing public, when four dudes posing as a foreign TV crew, rolled up with trick mic in hand. The renegade reporters got Cruises attention during a walk down the red carpet on the way to a screening of 'War of the Worlds'. Personally, I have had bowel movements that I anticipated more than this -- ahem -- crap. The reporter in this fake crew held the mic to Tom's face and squirted water or something that appeared to be water. A livid Cruise called the guy a jerk and referred to the prank as nasty.

HOW I MISSED OUT:
I have always wanted to squirt Cruise for something to let him know that Minority Report, M.I.P 2, Vanilla Sky, Magnolia, Interview with a Vampire, and on and on were unadulterated crap.

Leo DiCaprio was partying with Paris Hilton's ex-videomate (those racoon eyes were hilarious) when a angry female broke through to crack Leo with a beer bottle. No ambulance was called out during the 4am incident, but Leo had to get 12 stitches. Maybe he will start choosing better roles now.

HOW I MISSED OUT:
Leo is under the impression that he is the bast thing in Hollywood, if River Phoenix had not been taken, Leo would be on the Long Beach exit ramp with a Will Act for Food sign.

Bit by Bit ...

Damn, I though of that first ....

There a millions of things that I wish i could do, but have not had the opportunity. Things that generally would exprees my displeasure (some say all I have is displeasure, but I digress.

Tom Cruise was stumping for his next big budget piece of crap that he is about to drop on the viewing public, when four dudes posing as a foreign TV crew, rolled up with trick mic in hand. The renegade reporters got Cruises attention during a walk down the red carpet on the way to a screening of 'War of the Worlds'. Personally, I have had bowel movements that I anticipated more than this -- ahem -- crap. The reporter in this fake crew held the mic to Tom's face and squirted water or something that appeared to be water. A livid Cruise called the guy a jerk and referred to the prank as nasty.

HOW I MISSED OUT:
I have always wanted to squirt Cruise for something to let him know that Minority Report, M.I.P 2, Vanilla Sky, Magnolia, Interview with a Vampire, and on and on were unadulterated crap.

Leo DiCaprio was partying with Paris Hilton's ex-videomate (those racoon eyes were hilarious) when a angry female broke through to crack Leo with a beer bottle. No ambulance was called out during the 4am incident, but Leo had to get 12 stitches. Maybe he will start chosing better roles now.

HOW I MISSED OUT:
Leo is under the impression that he is the bast thing in Hollywood, if River Phoenix had not been taken, Leo would be on the Long Beach exit ramp with a Will Act for Food sign.

Thursday, June 16, 2005

Watch your hands and mouth ...

Today, I realized the power of words - Verbal as well as written. I hurt a dudes feelings. A grown man!!!! I had to give that one a WOW. I have often caused females discomfort by the things that I have said and sometimes the things that I have not said, but never a dude. This no badge of honor for me, although I have no regrets, I wish I would have stayed closer to form and considered whether I was dealing with a fragile ego. He said that I got personal with him and that is probably true, but I always thought that you had to actually know something about that person personally, and I don't. What I said were facts, but nothing about the core of the man except for the fact that he misrepresented himself. I later found out how hurt he was when he replied to my fact with some documents that would have substantiated his story, other than the fact that the documents themselves were shady. I did not have the heart to refute them because that could have possibly triggered a psychotic episode - Tears are as far as I could take it. I hate to see a grown man cry.

I take caution in saying who I am and what I have done for this simple reason. You never know who has access to your books. Privacy is not always as private as you would like. Stating what type of person you are inevitably results in your nature betraying you (unless you are a monk and even they struggle). See any the catholic priest that have had charges brought against them, Jesse Jackson, etc. I feel that is important in living a regret free life. Stating who you are is often a slippery slope because you have to certainly know what separates your true personality from the part(role) that you portray. Again, Jesse, the priest, and others. These are often different entities and the more you go without syncing them the further apart they become. And lastly, never attribute your own accolades. Nothing rings truer than proof. If you say you have done it, make sure that if anyone going to check there is evidence, at least traces. See, any coach that has lost a job for mis-stating facts in their bios, Reggie Fowler, Lena Guererro, etc.

Who am I?

I am a simple dude that has managed to become a subject matter expert in my field (Software Quality Assurance Engineering), but I worked to gain that level of expertise to allow my wife and seeds to have the lives they want. I find pleasure in that for the moment. Someday, maybe I will be published, we will see. But I am not defined by plaques, ribbons, certificates, and the like. If I think that I am a decent person and can show that to people around me. I'm good. And my next step towards being decent is to watch what I say to the fragile for they have feelings too.

Watch your hands and mouth ...

Today, I realized the power of words - Verbal as well as written. I hurt a dudes feelings. A grown man!!!! I had to give that one a WOW. I have often caused females discomfort by the things that I have said and sometimes the things that I have not said, but never a dude. This no badge of honor for me, although I have no regrets, I wish I would have stayed closer to form and considered whether I was dealing with a fragile ego. He said that I got personal with him and that is probably true, but I always thought that you had to actually know something about that person personally, and I don't. What I said were facts, but nothing about the core of the man except for the fact that he misrepresented himself. I later found out how hurt he was when he replied to my fact with some documents that would have substantiated his story, other than the fact that the documents themselves were shady. I did not have the heart to refute them because that could have possibly triggered a psychotic episode - Tears are as far as I could take it. I hate to see a grown man cry.

I take caution in saying who I am and what I have done for this simple reason. You never know who has access to your books. Privacy is not always as private as you would like. Stating what type of person you are inevitably results in your nature betraying you (unless you are a monk and even they struggle). See any the catholic priest that have had charges brought against them, Jesse Jackson, etc. I feel that is important in living a regret free life. Stating who you are is often a slippery slope because you have to certainly know what separates your true personality from the part(role) that you portray. Again, Jesse, the priest, and others. These are often different entities and the more you go without syncing them the further apart they become. And lastly, never attribute your own accolades. Nothing rings truer than proof. If you say you have done it, make sure that if anyone going to check there is evidence, at least traces. See, any coach that has lost a job for mis-stating facts in their bios, Reggie Fowler, Lena Guererro, etc.

Who am I?

I am a simple dude that has managed to become a subject matter expert in my field (Software Quality Assurance Engineering), but I worked to gain that level of expertise to allow my wife and seeds to have the lives they want. I find pleasure in that for the moment. Someday, maybe I will be published, we will see. But I am not defined by plaques, ribbons, certificates, and the like. If I think that I am a decent person and can show that to people around me. I'm good. And my next step towards being decent is to watch what I say to the fragile for they have feelings too.

Thursday, June 09, 2005

Dope World ....

I am put on pause by the prevalence of cannabis in our daily lives. In these times, pot has become as common as toothpaste. Whereas, we would never think that there is the possibility of a mainstream television commercial for the various types of herbal essences possible. There are inadvertent advertisement. The press reports stories on the mishaps of anyone in the public eye and everytime one celeb or another is reported to have some legal difficulty and marijuana is involved potheads across the land feel a bit more valid in their actions and are more empowered to bring their blunts from the huddled masses of the backroom to blazing on Main Street USA.

As I cast my net out for current news articles (material for this blog), articles about weed are as common as vendors on the east side.

Putting two and two together ...


These two articles are loosely related:
http://www.time.com/time/arts/article/0,8599,1061415,00.html
http://www.alertnet.org/thenews/newsdesk/L2688232.htm

The first article is about the exile that comedian Dave Chappelle remanded on himself. He needed a break from the pressure of receiving 50 million and remaining funny. I understand where the you man is coming from. The task to stay relevant and prove that you can possibly live up to such a payday is hard work. We see everyday, our not so well adjusted athletes, receive incredible salaries and become a shell of their best selves. That is purely a lack of concern because they have been paid. Chappelle can see that a loyal audience will assure that he remains viable in the markets that he makes his money and this pressure to keep his fan base lead him to South Africa, Johannesburg in fact.

The second article comes from Swaziland. A stones throw from South Africa, Swaziland is losing a lot of their commercial farmers and the crops they grow because they have chosen to stop growing their standard cash crops and start growing 'Swazi Gold'. Quoted from the article, 'Prized for its potency across the world, 'Swazi Gold' is grown in the remote northern mountains of this tiny African kingdom, then smuggled into neighbouring South Africa ...' and later 'Police in impoverished Swaziland say that despite dousing acres of towering plants with deadly insecticide, they are losing the war on marijuana to dirt-poor peasants bent on protecting their most lucrative crop.'

Swazi marijuana, which is said to be more potent due to the soil and weather conditions, fetches a handsome premium. On the streets of Johannesburg, 'Swazi Gold' is sold in 30 gram small bank bags, or 'bankies', for 70 rand ($11) apiece, while Amsterdam coffee shops charge around 6 euros ($7.5) for one gram. Locals say they get around 1,000 rand ($154) for 2kg.

Patterson's equation of copious cash meets Excellent weed:
Dave Chappelle(50 million dollars) + Swazi Gold(@ 11 dollars/30 grams = One hell of a party when Dave gets back.

Next Stop Parachute, CO


http://www.hightimes.com/ht/news/content.php?bid=434&aid=24

The Parachute, Colo., Police Department has a problem: how do get rid of 151 pounds of marijuana. Police normally use a burn barrel outside the police department, but the stash from a recent drug bust is so big that the burn barrel can't be used. "The whole town of Parachute would be getting silly (if it were burned in the barrel)," said Jeff Wells, a Parachute police officer. The drugs came from an arrest on May 19 in which two Florida men have been charged with possession with the intent to distribute, according to Wells.

A drug dog had sniffed out an empty duffel bag in one suspect's car after a routine stop, so authorities followed the car to a motel in Parachute, where the driver met up with another man. That's where William Morgan and Anthony Keane were arrested on charges of drug possession with intent to distribute.

In a related story, the owner of the local Dairy Queen in parachute had close his doors after rioting broke out as customers packed his establishment screaming for Blizzards. Noted in the crowd of rioters were the six officers of the Burn detail that were responsible for disposing of the 151 pounds of dope.

When Justices Collide


I recently attended a party at Justice Clarence Thomas' place. I shared a limo to the event with Montell Williams, Snoop, and Robert Iler (Tony Jr. from the Soprano's). We were greeted at the door by Justice Thomas where he cordially offered me a can of Coca-Cola. I immediately declined.

There were all sorts of people there from all walks of life. Sandra Day O'Connor was breaking down a Phillies and encouraging Snoop to contribute to her impending creation. William Rehnquist, the chief justice, was seen for a short time incoherently babbling about his glaucoma medication.

These justices were also outnumbered 6-3 on the use of medical marijuana in 10 states, stating that the states were in violation of interstate commerce laws.



Thursday, June 02, 2005

Choice Cuts ...



Fading relevance ....
Our most recent public figure who has reached 14 minutes and 59 seconds and insist on more :

Bobby Brown (aka Mr. Whitney Houston)

Don't get me wrong, I'm really not suped ....

Bobby Brown (36), one of the original members of the New Edition crew, can not avoid the press. This somehow notes an unhealthy craving for attention on the worst level. Buddhist monks meditate and pray for peace by finding an escape from their destructive nature. Bobby is so far from the path of enlightenment that, from his perch atop Mt. Crack, he probably could not see the light. The Bobby Brown has already claimed the blooming career of his wife, Whitney 'Crack Signs' Houston, his fellow New Edition mates, Teddy Reilly, and briefly Martin Lawrence. Bobby is schlep-rock and anyone he touches is going down. Last week, two members of the Brown Crack Wagon, were stabbed at a party at Justin's (Atlanta). Kelsey Brown (20) and Shayne Brown (21)are in stable condition after being slashed and stabbed in the restaurant. If I could get a word to either youngster, GET AS FAR AWAY FROM BOBBY AS YOU CAN. Slashed and Stabbed??? Does anybody know where OJ was? And OJ, if you were not there that night, I think we may have a lead to the killers of Ron and Nicole.


But I digress ...


Science tells us that a flame burns hottest in those final moments of life (when the air around is waning). This only shows how association with a red hot comet can lead to third degree burns. Bobby, you are a danger to those around you. Just because you have been diagnosed as bi-polar does not entitle you to two fifteen minute stints of fame. Give it up. You can only be ridiculed by the show, stop doing karaoke at Justin's on Sundays', take care of Whitney and all you kids after you seek immediate help.


Gallagher (Damn it, man. Who left the closet open?)


How many watermelons have to suffer the indignity?

Your boy Gallagher has incorporated the slapping of fans to his act. According to reports, he has been walking on the patron tables, berating waitresses, and slapping fans. Is he losing his mind? Oh, I forgot, HE IS GALLAGHER.


Now there are a few factors that would explain the strange behavior of the one-time Vegas headliner and big time TV star. The main factor being the fact that he has been doing a show in Laughlin at Don Laughlin Hotel and Resort for the last decade where he probably still owes Mr. Laughlin some cash. What happened? Did 'G' rack up some heavy debt in Laughlin and now Don is making him work off the paper? The waitresses are taking drink orders during his show. I guess something has to be done to coerce people into think he is still funny.


He slapped a fan across the head and compared it to a pie in the face and lauded himself because it got a laugh. So basically, Gallagher is working on the same level as a clown or Beni Hana chef. Listen, touch me or throw food at me and that's your ass.


So 'G', if you have not already heard, "Your fifteen are up!!! Let's Go!!!"

I would have to ask more Questions ....

Your program is what it is, but if it is to be believed I would have to ask more questions :

Never been a P. Diddy fan, but I have to side with the brother. Recently Ms. Misa Brim (mother of Justin Combs) was awarded the largest child support settlement in New York history ($21,782/month). That is excessive. Your boy was paying $5K. Does it matter what he is really making? There comes a point in which childcare is capped.

If P. Diddy was in the crib with Justin and Justin's mom (gravy-train driver), Justin would never see $21K a month. Does Ms. Brim have to seek any employment to prove that she can take care of herself, Justin withstanding? Who is P. really taking care of? And if he has to pay that much, how about doing it in the form of payment vouchers. She would have to account for all the cash that is spent and in surplus is carried over to the next month. There has to be some solution to end the rape of guys that have made serious miscalculations and happened to bed down with suspect broads.


List ...


Where the hell have you been?

  • Digable Planets - Announced a Major Summer Tour

  • Joe Budden - New album to drop this Summer

  • Mark Felt - Announced that he was 'DeepThroat'

  • Jamaal Lewis - Out the pokee and into halfway house

  • Dave Chappelle - Welcome back from Africa, Now get to work



You should have known better ....

Victims are often held hostage by their own stupidity :

Richard Monroe

was recently victimized by his lack of proper decision making skill when he found himself on stage kickin' it with Snoop, The Game, Oh-wee, and several entourage members. During the closing performance of a show, Snoop doing Gin and Juice, Mr. Monroe felt that it would be a grand idea to approach Snoop doggy-style and put his hands on the rappers shoulders (just another place one man does not need to touch another). But the result of this lapse in judgement resulted in a Death Row type beatdown for Monroe. Monroe may not had ask for it, but he sure got it.


The Gallagher incident mentioned above found William Edward May III in the midst of several bad calls. The first being attending the show. Then he sat close enough where Gallagher had access to touch him. And so because of there serious errors, May found himself in the middle of a set with a pissed off Gallagher, fans starving for a laugh, and his seat in the comedians radius. Gallagher, famous for destroying watermelons for laughs, slapped May across the head. May asked for and got it.

John Jenkins (53) and his wife Ramona (35) have filed a lawsuit against Eastern Associated Coal and Chisler Inc, Mr. Jenkins suffered severe burns over his face and neck after succumbing to his nicotine urge. The danger signs here are the facts that Jenkins works as a power plant operator for North West Fuels Development Inc, the incident occurred after John entered the ... uhm... portable John, and owned a cigarette lighter. So like the Perfect Storm, these things came together to burn Mr. Jenkins severely and create a blast that left him wondering whether he leapt from the portable or if he was thrown. The Jenkins' are seeking 10 million because John could not take a crap without lighting up.
First that I have heard of a toilet blowing up a person before the person had the chance to strike first.