Thursday, November 20, 2008

Two Minute Hate

Bare with me if you please.  I am starting a new post that I plan to update regularly.  I am by nature or nurture a cynical person and with today's constant reporting of the sublimely ridiculous, inane, and flat out stupid, I need a release.

Thanks to that summer reading list my mom found back in the summer of my freshman year, I give you my version of George Orwell's, 1984, "Two Minute Hate".

  • How in the hell does someone come up with the bright idea of becoming a pirate?  Are they still called 'pirates' these days?  What is the recruitment process like?  God knows the military here is having a hard time replenishing the US military.  Hell, a recruiter half as old as me tried to hand me a brochure in the grocery store the other day.  I had to let him know, 'Dude, I got kids older than you.'  So obviously, we need to stop trying to sell the GI Bill and start promising gold doubloons, rubies, and other such booty (sic).
  • You Republican honks are killing me with the question, "Why have we not heard anything more about Obama's campaign promises?  He just said those things to get elected."  First of all, he is not the president yet.  If I could get a job and not have to 'go to work' right away, I will take my time too.
  • Please go away:
  1. Joe the Plumber
  2. Sarah Palin
  3. Madonna/Mr. Madonna and your whole divorce fiasco (Go to Mexico)
  4. All you dudes out there driving Volkswagen Beetles with the flower
  5. The Clinton's (Bill and Hill, wherever Chelsea is .... go there)
  • The Al-Qaeda number two guy, Al-Zawahiri tossed a racial slur at PE Obama, Condi Rice, and Colin Powell.  Dude .... could you have found a more up-to-date term other than 'house negro'?  Julian Bond and Al Sharpton don't even use 'negro' anymore.  We, as in Black people, are waaaaaaaaayyyy pass 'house negro' these days.  If you want to get under the skin of a brother, make the claim that he has 'b!tch-a$$' ways or question his street credibility.
  • Ice Cube should be banished from gangster rap.  Anybody in their 40's should stop proclaiming to be a gangster.  Most 40-plus gangsters are still scraping toothbrushes on the floor or trying to get acclimated to the outside world.
  • A missile intercept test in Hawaii failed.  WTF .... I'm headed to my basement chock full of Spam and Spam-associated products now.  The failed test cost $55 million, for half of that I could fit 3 more people in the basement and they can have two slices of fried SPAM.
That's my time .... Please tip your waitress and don't forget to try the veal.

I'm out to try and Hi-Jack something .... Peace.