Friday, January 04, 2013

New Beginnings ... All over again?

"I thought this was America people ..."
- Not Guilty, Jay Z/R. Kelly
Twenty-thirteen is here. This news has to bewilder some Mayans, encourage some zombie enthusiast, and leave some other of us in anticipation of a new year. Awash in the tsunami of "try-ers" in the gym sweating to re-invent themselves, I try to coach myself to be attune to the opportunities the new year will bring. I'm sure I have missed a lifetime's worth, but there is still a need to sharpen the radar. But "in the duties of the day", as my mother would always say, I am seemingly oblivious to a lot of things. The years have made me non-uniquely equipped to let others be whomever they chose as long as the pretense, ruse, or curtain does not hinder, deter, or defame my immediate concerns. This attitude has been my safeguard to not judge others and has kept me open to learn more about human nature. I thought it was helping me be a better person. Being acutely aware of my own degeneracy leaves me constantly wanting to be a better person. But the mechanics I have used for said modicum of improvement have proved to be only good for coping. I have had to reexamine how my great hope to 'let people live' have shrouded me in a great unawareness that I did not think I was capable of and displayed to me how much I don't know - and believe me, what I don't know is a Titan compared to what I am certain that I do know.
Evidentiary fact to my adroit deficit :
  • Trying to be health aware, I go to the gym to get a good sweat. Regulars recognize regulars and engage in chit chat in common areas, sports, the weather, current events are the usual fare. In 2012, a gentleman introduced himself after a few casual conversations and wanted to know what goes on being new to the city. I immediately inform him of how limited entertainment is but knowing that my wife has a gaggle of single friends, I steer the conversation in that area. Time goes b, I invite this guy to a few events that the wives clubs and orgs host - no dice. Long story short we have the talk about why he has never accepted any of the invites and he comes out to me. Whoa. An absolute first for me. Did not see it coming, but could not judge. Dude had already seen me walking around the locker room in various states of undress, how could I maturely start acting different because he's gay. That being said, how did I miss it.
  • An old friend made the allegation that he has known for years that another old friend had been gay since their childhood. This was the first he had ever mentioned it and I felt a minor bit of outrage that he would make such a statement and dared him to make that statement in front of our mutual buddy. The buddy has always been known as a ladies man by legend and sight, so I instantly denied the allegation but in the light of today's time, can I afford to stand on such absolutes?
These are all adult decisions that I may one day have to explain to my kids how I could not admonish anyone for making but in turn would not want them making for themselves.
I have to let them live. I can not judge anyone but now I know I have to be more in tune with everyone.
Happy 2013 to all ...