Thursday, October 07, 2004

Call You What ?????

99% of us at some point have been called some other name than our god given monikers. Whether you like it or not we have all been called something. Most people have a cousin Pookie, Ray Ray, or Bubba. The childhood nicknames usually derive from a drunken uncle that would not have remembered you name if you had it plastered on your forehead. "Hey, Stinky, go get your Uncle Pooh a Budweiser." Thanks to Uncle Pooh, you will for ever be known as Stinky.

I went to grade school with a guy who for some unfortunate string of events was tagged 'Breath'.

We were on a field trip to the aquarium and this guy was watching the fish, but no fish swam directly in front of him. Another student, who was three years older than everyone else, but could not advance past the fifth grade where his mother was the teacher, cracked that his breath was so bad the fish could not swim in front of him. Thus, 'Breath' was born. The guy developed such a complex about it that he now has diabetes from all the gum he used to freshen his breath throughout the years.

There is also a segment of the population, which has donned their own moniker; something that they think suits them better than Todd or Brad. And so in the introduction they will begin their intro with, 'Just call me ....'. What you running from dude? Are you in witness protection or what? They names are usually T-Bone, Cool Breeze, or Butch. I'm sorry, can't do it. How about I call you Larry - Your mother does. His mama call him Clay, I'm gonna call him Clay.

Nicknames are not something that you bestow on yourself and they rarely stick if they are not truly descriptive or are a derivative of your name or where you are from. Several years ago, I bumped into a cat wearing a Brooklyn Dodgers cap and glasses. We introduce ourselves and he addresses himself as Spike. Hmmmm. Am I to call him Spike because he weighs 105 and has the glasses and hat, or was it genuine. Regardless, I could not bring myself to it. There has to be some nickname criteria set. If your new handle contains, Big, Sweet, Sexy, Boss, Rock, Juicy, Smooth, Pretty, or any offshoot; you get the 'Hey You' from me. Furthermore you will force me to make fun of you. If you go so far as to purchase any article of clothing with any of the aforementioned names, either get a hug or seek professional help - prescription drugs may not be a stretch.

For Entertainment Purposes Only - Odds

There are opportunities for magic this weekend. This posting is for entertainment purposes only, but there is money to be made. Don't catch a brick. You don't wanna be caught in the rain without you raincoat.

Miami is a 13 point underdog. New England will score late to cover.
- This was too obvious. +100

Cleveland is pathetic, but they play big when least expected. Take the points, even though that +240 looks sweet.
- Roht, Roh. -110 Overall -10

Indianapolis is prime for an upset and if Oakland wins, I will be convinced that NFL players are on the take.
- A cover. +100 Overall +90

If you think Detroit can cover don't pass on the +250 money line.
- Ding. Ding. Ding. +250 Overall +340

Tampa Bay will get off the schneid and who better to do it against than New Orleans. $100 get you $155.
- I feeling it. +155 Overall +495

I hate to say it, but take the Giants money line against the Cowboys. $100 gets $160.
- I'm good. +160 Overall +655

Minnesota comes to Houston to destroy their buzz. Minnesota -4
- Don't hate me. +100 Overall +755

Buffalo is crap. The Jets have a soft schedule and will not cover 7. Buffalo +7
- This is sweet. +100 Overall +855

Jacksonville covers on the road v. San Diego. Jax -3.
- Ooops. -110 Overall +745

Denver will not win nor cover. Take the Panthers on the money line and double up. $100 get you $200.
- But what do I know. -100 Overall +645

Seattle covers 7 against the Rams. Seattle -7.
- The slide continues. -110 Overall +535

Arizona beats the Niners and wins $105 on a $100 bet.
- What got into the Niners. -100 Overall +435

Seven up, Five down. Overall wins $435.

Washington/Baltimore is too much of a toss up.

Parlay, Box, Straight. Play these as you will, but remember even though they are stone cold lead pipe locks. Take them with a grain of caution.