Thursday, December 11, 2008

F-Bomb : The Day After


The office appears as though a whirlwind has just hit it.  Gov. Blagojevichs' (I always have to slow down when I type that name) secretary is busy answering several ringing phone lines while sitting on the remainder of her desk chair).  She is asking some callers to hold, removing her ear from the phone when other callers chose to yell into the receiver, and some line she just refuses to answer.

The secretary is almost amazed as she spy the governor and his posse striding through the hole where the door once was.

(passing the secretary)
Hey, Peggy.
(stopping at the splintered door of his office)
Can you hop down to Starbuck's and get 
me a triple mocha half whip tucked under 
and nut rolled machiatto?  It's my b-day, 
yanno ...
(turning to the boys in his posse)
You boys want anything?

It's gonna cost you!!!!!
(The governor breaks into a blast of knee slapping laughter)

I crack me up ... But seriously, what happens the next day, your birthday, the day after you have been arrested for what you had revealed by way of wiretap, no less than two days after you stood with unionized employees that simply wanted their rights and stated that people caould tape anything he says.  As if he was as Teflon as John Gotti.  One week after Plaxico Burress was perp-walked in New York, Blagojevich took the same walk of shame.  At least they let Plax come down to the station, they got dude at his crib ... in front of his neighbors (usually a look that would be reserved for Plax and the crew).

This type of stuff would be only plausible in a David Chase story like 'The Wire' or 'The Soprano's, it is certainly a great combination of the two.  If the guy felt/knew he was being taped, why was he doing so much talking over the phone?  Tony Soprano, Avon Barksdale, or Marlo Stansfield would all have come up with alternative communication than phones ... and they are criminals.  If you are the governor, you would think he would have some inside track to information that was being gathered on you ... unless you have no friends.

All and all, I have created the most unusual excuses for mot showing up at work (some justified ... most were not), but I think having been arrested at my home, taken downtown and booked, and trying to find someone to answer the collect phone call to come bail me out would have sufficed.

Wednesday, December 03, 2008

Serious Consideration is Required

If the Big 3 approves of this type of vehicle design decision, how can they possibly justify getting a government 'bridge loan'?

Ineptitude usually manifest itself in the choices that are attributed to you.  Someone thought that a hatchback Trans Am would sell.  

I thought that there was a 3 - 5 year span between concept vehicle to production approval.  At least that is the standard line from automakers when they were asked some 10 years ago to start making vehicles that met certain fuel efficient standards.  I guess they felt that it was easier or cheaper to lobby Congress rather than provide the product that the government and this country has asked for.

I can't say that I ever  saw one of these on the street, but it looks a lot like the Dodge Magnum.

Wednesday, November 26, 2008

Houston's Finest ...

Along with such things as :
  • the cute girl that is actually a dude
  • the candy hamburger that actually taste like .... a hamburger
  • the holiday where you actually have to work
I humbly submit - 

The may appear to be that classic Mercedes SL that the ballers rolled back in the 90's, but upon closer inspection it is not.  

This vehicle indeed can be had through Craigslist from a seller in the Houston area for the low low price $3,995.  

If you are a 80's baby and the idea of cutting the alligator off an IZOD/LaCoste polo and pasting or gluing the said logo onto the brand new LeTigre polo then you would not have any problem with the fact that your SL is actually a Chrysler LeBaron.  But let's just say you are either gonna roll solo or convince any passengers that the result of the Chrysler/Daimler merger.  Good Luck.

Friday, November 21, 2008

Separation Anxiety ...

I had a green coat once ... I loved that coat, but I left that coat in the balcony of the Wynewood Theater after watching Lady and the Tramp back in 1975.  I got over the loss of that coat after being picked up in my step dads '72 Buick Century where the over-active heater had the cab of the car at just below inferno temperatures.  That green coat was just another item added to the list of things that I thought I could not do without (Feressa Plouche being another), but did not actually feel robbed when I had to.  That coat hopefully went to some good and Feressa should be getting out on parole any day now - God Bless her.

Among the latest political fallout is the Zogby poll commissioned by a documentary producer to go along with his film, Media Malpractice ... How Obama Got Elected.  From the information promoting the film and website, the premise of the total effort is to proclaim that from the survey sample, a large degree of Obama supporters were driven by the media and conversely since the media is so enamored with PE Obama that their coverage has blinded the people and driven them to make uninformed decisions.  The fallout of gathering and publishing the information as they did is much more wide-spread than that.  Since this poll, its results, and the future of the documentary would never thrive without media assistance, then it is subject to media interpretation.  Unfortunately, some media outlets will spin these poll results to their agenda and will take some of the most ordinary answers and cast some poor aspersions on people that don't really deserve it.  Worst yet, some interpretation have been taken as if PE Obama was elected by the mindless of our nations population.

In the YouTube snippet posted on the site, there are some people that don't know the answers to some general news-of-the-day type questions and true they seem more knowing of the issue that were repeated during the campaign, most media driven, but very local.  512 voters is hardly a cross-section of the actual votes that were cast for the President-Elect.  I don't have an issue with skirting the facts for comedy sake or to make a joke, but this is one of those cases where better judgement should have been exercised.  With unchecked authority or proper sampling, the results of this poll could be used to undermine the national confidence in a man that is the tip of the sword for what this country will be for the next four years.

Nate Silver, of, stated that the poll got stupid answers because it asked stupid questions.  Coming from a guy who makes a living on publishing polls, I have to agree.  Looking further into the poll really shows how the context of this poll, as benign as the questions and answers are, have been raked over the coals to tough on the more base nature of the comments that are being made by the public at large.  Comments that somehow attribute Obama's win solely to people of color (the poll numbers refute that), or that the majority of Obama voters were poor or uneducated (the poll also shows that to be untrue).

So say what you may about how the President-Elect has come to be the President-Elect, fact is that he is and it took more than minorities, low-income, or poorly educated to do so.  The media, as powerful and broad-reaching as it is can not put a man in office (were that the case Al Gore would have had a turn).

True ... the poll and documentary has shown that there were/are some uninformed voters.  True ... my heart sank just a bit to see the people of color on the video that were not prepared to represent for the first man of color in office.  They may be portrayed as less than adept, but the poll shows that they interviewed hardly any NASCAR fans (i mean ... if you really want to show some less-than-smartness (sic) Talledega would seem like a good place to start).

So, I lamented about that coat for all of 30 minutes ... When Feressa figured she had a shot with Rodney Allen Rippy, I was devastated for about ... 30 minutes ... Al Gore and Florida, maybe a day or about as long as it took to realize I had to go back to work.  You will have your chance to say I told you so in four years.  Plain and simple ... get over it.  The healing starts now.

Thursday, November 20, 2008

Two Minute Hate

Bare with me if you please.  I am starting a new post that I plan to update regularly.  I am by nature or nurture a cynical person and with today's constant reporting of the sublimely ridiculous, inane, and flat out stupid, I need a release.

Thanks to that summer reading list my mom found back in the summer of my freshman year, I give you my version of George Orwell's, 1984, "Two Minute Hate".

  • How in the hell does someone come up with the bright idea of becoming a pirate?  Are they still called 'pirates' these days?  What is the recruitment process like?  God knows the military here is having a hard time replenishing the US military.  Hell, a recruiter half as old as me tried to hand me a brochure in the grocery store the other day.  I had to let him know, 'Dude, I got kids older than you.'  So obviously, we need to stop trying to sell the GI Bill and start promising gold doubloons, rubies, and other such booty (sic).
  • You Republican honks are killing me with the question, "Why have we not heard anything more about Obama's campaign promises?  He just said those things to get elected."  First of all, he is not the president yet.  If I could get a job and not have to 'go to work' right away, I will take my time too.
  • Please go away:
  1. Joe the Plumber
  2. Sarah Palin
  3. Madonna/Mr. Madonna and your whole divorce fiasco (Go to Mexico)
  4. All you dudes out there driving Volkswagen Beetles with the flower
  5. The Clinton's (Bill and Hill, wherever Chelsea is .... go there)
  • The Al-Qaeda number two guy, Al-Zawahiri tossed a racial slur at PE Obama, Condi Rice, and Colin Powell.  Dude .... could you have found a more up-to-date term other than 'house negro'?  Julian Bond and Al Sharpton don't even use 'negro' anymore.  We, as in Black people, are waaaaaaaaayyyy pass 'house negro' these days.  If you want to get under the skin of a brother, make the claim that he has 'b!tch-a$$' ways or question his street credibility.
  • Ice Cube should be banished from gangster rap.  Anybody in their 40's should stop proclaiming to be a gangster.  Most 40-plus gangsters are still scraping toothbrushes on the floor or trying to get acclimated to the outside world.
  • A missile intercept test in Hawaii failed.  WTF .... I'm headed to my basement chock full of Spam and Spam-associated products now.  The failed test cost $55 million, for half of that I could fit 3 more people in the basement and they can have two slices of fried SPAM.
That's my time .... Please tip your waitress and don't forget to try the veal.

I'm out to try and Hi-Jack something .... Peace.

Thursday, November 13, 2008

'W' please go quietly ...

'W' put out feelers to certain publishing houses about crafting his memoirs and the silence was deafening.  Understandably so, I mean is there anything to gain from reading his view on the last eight years?  Bush is not a guy with the great gift of subterfuge, so the things he directed as President and the motives are fairly clear, so I don't think the general public is ready for the Bush book tour which would surely include an appearance on 'The View' and Elizabeth Hasslebeck's GOP lap dance (I just threw up in my mouth).

So in the absence of hearing G-Dub stammer about the behind the scenes events of the last eight years, comes news that '43' will more than likely follow the lead of Harry Truman and recuse himself and fellow crooks ... er .... cronies from testifying before any court that has questions on who knew what when CIA agent Plame was exposed, why attorneys that were not compliant with Bush edicts were fired, why were GITMO detainees denied an opportunity to speak with anyone other than the guys that were torturing them, etc.

The right to escape or block such inquiries was brought to light in '53 after Truman left and Eisenhower took over and the country wanted to know how an individual that had at one point been labeled a Communist could be appointed head of the International Monetary Fund by the Fair Deal author.

Truman quickly had his lawyer's draft a letter explaining that any testimony that he could offer would be a violation of trust to the office that he no longer held and the '53 Congress backed off even though there was no legal precedence that gave him that true power.

Since then, Nixon used the Truman reference to dodge Watergate testimony and now Poppy's eldest boy is poised to block any questions citing the same incident.  Somehow the Jack Nicholson scene from 'A Few Good Men' comes to mind, "You can't handle the truth!!!!"

Please Mr. Bush, go quietly into that good night ...

Get Out of My TV ...

I can be more tolerant than most people would guess.  I give most people a pass as they try to fabricate the image they chose to present to the outside world - up to two particular points.  Don't try to convince me when I know better (especially when you don't make a salient point) and overexposure is never a good thing for anybody, anytime, no matter the circumstance.

With that being said, I have pushed away from the table, but yet I am being force fed a spoiled helping of Sarah Palin and the retching spasms have started.  Somebody please take her off my TV before I end up deep sixing in the same fashion as Jimi Hendrix or Mama Cass Elliot.  

Governor, you are exceeding your fifteen minute limit.  Every moment over the limit is causing excruciating pain to everyone capable of receiving television broadcast transmissions.

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

People, Please .... There are still more than 60 days before the Inauguration.

In case you have been under a rock for the last week or so, the senator from Illinois has gain the confidence of this nation and been elected President. 

After taking a short breath, President-elect Barack Obama (sounds weird, huhn) has stayed just as busy vetting potential cabinet members and assuring as smooth a transition into the White House as possible. Winning the honor to lead this country was a daunting task. Becoming the Commander and Chief is even more daunting. To deal with those that still have not come to grips that Obama will be President and would be better served by not having to deal with inane babble is insurmountable.

The first salvo of ignorance that has crossed the bough of out latest political results comes from Congressman Paul Broun (R), GA. Broun has added this into the flow back tank of stupidity with the following statement:

It may sound a bit crazy and off base, but the thing is, he's the one who proposed this national security force. I'm just trying to bring attention to the fact that we may -- may not, I hope not -- but we may have a problem with that type of philosophy of radical socialism or Marxism. That's exactly what Hitler did in Nazi Germany and it's exactly what the Soviet Union did. When he's proposing to have a national security force that's answering to him, that is as strong as the U.S. military, he's showing me signs of being Marxist.
Then later:
We can't be lulled into complacency," Broun said. "You have to remember that Adolf Hitler was elected in a democratic Germany. I'm not comparing him to Adolf Hitler. What I'm saying is there is the potential of going down that road.
My friends (or my fellow prisoners ... as McCain said), if you can excuse my sensitivity in this matter, please don't take it as a point of being upset that a gentleman from a historically racist southern state has besmirched such a momentous occasion as the first person of color being chosen to lead this country by comparing him to Adolf Hitler, but more to the fact that he made the Hitler reference and then tried to back away by curtailing his insert-foot-in-mouth statement by saying that he is not comparing Obama to Hitler (as if we have no sense of deductive reasoning).  But to further illustrate that this man's mouth is way out in front of his thinking, he ends the statement with the warning that whereas he is not making the Hitler comparison, that is possibly where we are heading.

Gaul?  maybe .... Lameness??  For sure.

First off, Mr. Broun, to think that a person that has been duly elected and will be under the amount of scrutiny that President-elect Obama will see, can turn this country into the type of regime that Hitler led Germany is ludicrous at best.  The idea of a Homeland security force is not an Obama original, but was/has been sought out by members of the Republican party since 9/11.

So if anything, Broun is uneducated on the facts.  Reason enough to not shoot your mouth off about someone you really don't know, but far from a deterrent.

But all in all, Obama has not had a full two weeks to wrap in head around what it is that he has sought.  Give the guy a chance to sit in the Oval office and smell the rich Corinthian leather and to marvel at the mahogany appointments.  Give him the "Oh Sh!t, What have I gotten into" moment before you start with the all out hatery assault.  Whether it is motivated by pure hate, prejudice, jealousy, envy, or whatever - he deserves that much.  The tactic of generating fear of a President Obama did not work in the Democratic primary, the general election, and now after it is a done deal, they will have little effect at least until the man has started serving as the country's leader.

Marxist?  Hitler?  dictator?  Are you kidding me?

Wednesday, September 03, 2008