Thursday, June 02, 2005

Choice Cuts ...

Fading relevance ....
Our most recent public figure who has reached 14 minutes and 59 seconds and insist on more :

Bobby Brown (aka Mr. Whitney Houston)

Don't get me wrong, I'm really not suped ....

Bobby Brown (36), one of the original members of the New Edition crew, can not avoid the press. This somehow notes an unhealthy craving for attention on the worst level. Buddhist monks meditate and pray for peace by finding an escape from their destructive nature. Bobby is so far from the path of enlightenment that, from his perch atop Mt. Crack, he probably could not see the light. The Bobby Brown has already claimed the blooming career of his wife, Whitney 'Crack Signs' Houston, his fellow New Edition mates, Teddy Reilly, and briefly Martin Lawrence. Bobby is schlep-rock and anyone he touches is going down. Last week, two members of the Brown Crack Wagon, were stabbed at a party at Justin's (Atlanta). Kelsey Brown (20) and Shayne Brown (21)are in stable condition after being slashed and stabbed in the restaurant. If I could get a word to either youngster, GET AS FAR AWAY FROM BOBBY AS YOU CAN. Slashed and Stabbed??? Does anybody know where OJ was? And OJ, if you were not there that night, I think we may have a lead to the killers of Ron and Nicole.

But I digress ...

Science tells us that a flame burns hottest in those final moments of life (when the air around is waning). This only shows how association with a red hot comet can lead to third degree burns. Bobby, you are a danger to those around you. Just because you have been diagnosed as bi-polar does not entitle you to two fifteen minute stints of fame. Give it up. You can only be ridiculed by the show, stop doing karaoke at Justin's on Sundays', take care of Whitney and all you kids after you seek immediate help.

Gallagher (Damn it, man. Who left the closet open?)

How many watermelons have to suffer the indignity?

Your boy Gallagher has incorporated the slapping of fans to his act. According to reports, he has been walking on the patron tables, berating waitresses, and slapping fans. Is he losing his mind? Oh, I forgot, HE IS GALLAGHER.

Now there are a few factors that would explain the strange behavior of the one-time Vegas headliner and big time TV star. The main factor being the fact that he has been doing a show in Laughlin at Don Laughlin Hotel and Resort for the last decade where he probably still owes Mr. Laughlin some cash. What happened? Did 'G' rack up some heavy debt in Laughlin and now Don is making him work off the paper? The waitresses are taking drink orders during his show. I guess something has to be done to coerce people into think he is still funny.

He slapped a fan across the head and compared it to a pie in the face and lauded himself because it got a laugh. So basically, Gallagher is working on the same level as a clown or Beni Hana chef. Listen, touch me or throw food at me and that's your ass.

So 'G', if you have not already heard, "Your fifteen are up!!! Let's Go!!!"

I would have to ask more Questions ....

Your program is what it is, but if it is to be believed I would have to ask more questions :

Never been a P. Diddy fan, but I have to side with the brother. Recently Ms. Misa Brim (mother of Justin Combs) was awarded the largest child support settlement in New York history ($21,782/month). That is excessive. Your boy was paying $5K. Does it matter what he is really making? There comes a point in which childcare is capped.

If P. Diddy was in the crib with Justin and Justin's mom (gravy-train driver), Justin would never see $21K a month. Does Ms. Brim have to seek any employment to prove that she can take care of herself, Justin withstanding? Who is P. really taking care of? And if he has to pay that much, how about doing it in the form of payment vouchers. She would have to account for all the cash that is spent and in surplus is carried over to the next month. There has to be some solution to end the rape of guys that have made serious miscalculations and happened to bed down with suspect broads.

List ...

Where the hell have you been?

  • Digable Planets - Announced a Major Summer Tour

  • Joe Budden - New album to drop this Summer

  • Mark Felt - Announced that he was 'DeepThroat'

  • Jamaal Lewis - Out the pokee and into halfway house

  • Dave Chappelle - Welcome back from Africa, Now get to work

You should have known better ....

Victims are often held hostage by their own stupidity :

Richard Monroe

was recently victimized by his lack of proper decision making skill when he found himself on stage kickin' it with Snoop, The Game, Oh-wee, and several entourage members. During the closing performance of a show, Snoop doing Gin and Juice, Mr. Monroe felt that it would be a grand idea to approach Snoop doggy-style and put his hands on the rappers shoulders (just another place one man does not need to touch another). But the result of this lapse in judgement resulted in a Death Row type beatdown for Monroe. Monroe may not had ask for it, but he sure got it.

The Gallagher incident mentioned above found William Edward May III in the midst of several bad calls. The first being attending the show. Then he sat close enough where Gallagher had access to touch him. And so because of there serious errors, May found himself in the middle of a set with a pissed off Gallagher, fans starving for a laugh, and his seat in the comedians radius. Gallagher, famous for destroying watermelons for laughs, slapped May across the head. May asked for and got it.

John Jenkins (53) and his wife Ramona (35) have filed a lawsuit against Eastern Associated Coal and Chisler Inc, Mr. Jenkins suffered severe burns over his face and neck after succumbing to his nicotine urge. The danger signs here are the facts that Jenkins works as a power plant operator for North West Fuels Development Inc, the incident occurred after John entered the ... uhm... portable John, and owned a cigarette lighter. So like the Perfect Storm, these things came together to burn Mr. Jenkins severely and create a blast that left him wondering whether he leapt from the portable or if he was thrown. The Jenkins' are seeking 10 million because John could not take a crap without lighting up.
First that I have heard of a toilet blowing up a person before the person had the chance to strike first.