Choice Cuts ...

Fading relevance ....
Our most recent public figure who has reached 14 minutes and 59 seconds and insist on more :

Bobby Brown (aka Mr. Whitney Houston)

Don't get me wrong, I'm really not suped ....

Bobby Brown (36), one of the original members of the New Edition crew, can not avoid the press. This somehow notes an unhealthy craving for attention on the worst level. Buddhist monks meditate and pray for peace by finding an escape from their destructive nature. Bobby is so far from the path of enlightenment that, from his perch atop Mt. Crack, he probably could not see the light. The Bobby Brown has already claimed the blooming career of his wife, Whitney 'Crack Signs' Houston, his fellow New Edition mates, Teddy Reilly, and briefly Martin Lawrence. Bobby is schlep-rock and anyone he touches is going down. Last week, two members of the Brown Crack Wagon, were stabbed at a party at Justin's (Atlanta). Kelsey Brown (20) and Shayne Brown (21)are in stable condition after being slashed and stabbed in the restaurant. If I could get a word to either youngster, GET AS FAR AWAY FROM BOBBY AS YOU CAN. Slashed and Stabbed??? Does anybody know where OJ was? And OJ, if you were not there that night, I think we may have a lead to the killers of Ron and Nicole.


But I digress ...


Science tells us that a flame burns hottest in those final moments of life (when the air around is waning). This only shows how association with a red hot comet can lead to third degree burns. Bobby, you are a danger to those around you. Just because you have been diagnosed as bi-polar does not entitle you to two fifteen minute stints of fame. Give it up. You can only be ridiculed by the show, stop doing karaoke at Justin's on Sundays', take care of Whitney and all you kids after you seek immediate help.


Gallagher (Damn it, man. Who left the closet open?)


How many watermelons have to suffer the indignity?

Your boy Gallagher has incorporated the slapping of fans to his act. According to reports, he has been walking on the patron tables, berating waitresses, and slapping fans. Is he losing his mind? Oh, I forgot, HE IS GALLAGHER.


Now there are a few factors that would explain the strange behavior of the one-time Vegas headliner and big time TV star. The main factor being the fact that he has been doing a show in Laughlin at Don Laughlin Hotel and Resort for the last decade where he probably still owes Mr. Laughlin some cash. What happened? Did 'G' rack up some heavy debt in Laughlin and now Don is making him work off the paper? The waitresses are taking drink orders during his show. I guess something has to be done to coerce people into think he is still funny.


He slapped a fan across the head and compared it to a pie in the face and lauded himself because it got a laugh. So basically, Gallagher is working on the same level as a clown or Beni Hana chef. Listen, touch me or throw food at me and that's your ass.


So 'G', if you have not already heard, "Your fifteen are up!!! Let's Go!!!"

I would have to ask more Questions ....

Your program is what it is, but if it is to be believed I would have to ask more questions :

Never been a P. Diddy fan, but I have to side with the brother. Recently Ms. Misa Brim (mother of Justin Combs) was awarded the largest child support settlement in New York history ($21,782/month). That is excessive. Your boy was paying $5K. Does it matter what he is really making? There comes a point in which childcare is capped.

If P. Diddy was in the crib with Justin and Justin's mom (gravy-train driver), Justin would never see $21K a month. Does Ms. Brim have to seek any employment to prove that she can take care of herself, Justin withstanding? Who is P. really taking care of? And if he has to pay that much, how about doing it in the form of payment vouchers. She would have to account for all the cash that is spent and in surplus is carried over to the next month. There has to be some solution to end the rape of guys that have made serious miscalculations and happened to bed down with suspect broads.

List ...

Where the hell have you been?

• Digable Planets - Announced a Major Summer Tour


• Joe Budden - New album to drop this Summer


• Mark Felt - Announced that he was 'DeepThroat'


• Jamaal Lewis - Out the pokee and into halfway house


• Dave Chappelle - Welcome back from Africa, Now get to work

You should have known better ....

Victims are often held hostage by their own stupidity :

Richard Monroe

was recently victimized by his lack of proper decision making skill when he found himself on stage kickin' it with Snoop, The Game, Oh-wee, and several entourage members. During the closing performance of a show, Snoop doing Gin and Juice, Mr. Monroe felt that it would be a grand idea to approach Snoop doggy-style and put his hands on the rappers shoulders (just another place one man does not need to touch another). But the result of this lapse in judgement resulted in a Death Row type beatdown for Monroe. Monroe may not had ask for it, but he sure got it.


The Gallagher incident mentioned above found William Edward May III in the midst of several bad calls. The first being attending the show. Then he sat close enough where Gallagher had access to touch him. And so because of there serious errors, May found himself in the middle of a set with a pissed off Gallagher, fans starving for a laugh, and his seat in the comedians radius. Gallagher, famous for destroying watermelons for laughs, slapped May across the head. May asked for and got it.

John Jenkins (53) and his wife Ramona (35) have filed a lawsuit against Eastern Associated Coal and Chisler Inc, Mr. Jenkins suffered severe burns over his face and neck after succumbing to his nicotine urge. The danger signs here are the facts that Jenkins works as a power plant operator for North West Fuels Development Inc, the incident occurred after John entered the ... uhm... portable John, and owned a cigarette lighter. So like the Perfect Storm, these things came together to burn Mr. Jenkins severely and create a blast that left him wondering whether he leapt from the portable or if he was thrown. The Jenkins' are seeking 10 million because John could not take a crap without lighting up.
First that I have heard of a toilet blowing up a person before the person had the chance to strike first.

Leaving Relevance

Signpost ahead, 'You are Leaving Relevance, Turn off the lights as you leave'. You may not realize it yet, but your clock o' fame has flipped to 14:59. Its time to go.

Don't make it harder than it needs to be. Grace would lead you to stack your chips and make you ejection as soft a landing as possible. Otherwise, people by nature will buy tickets to watch you crash and burn.

Just think of how many figures in the public eye have been hugging that leg screaming to stay. It worse than when Jeff VanGundy was hugging Alonzo Mourning's leg during the brutal air fight between Mourning and Larry 'Gran Ma Ma' Johnson. VanGundy looked like a spat, just like so many others when it comes to giving up stardom.

There is no reason for anyone from the cast of Different Strokes to make a guest appearance anywhere, if the local Roscoe's Chicken & Waffles. I don't need to see it. If you were ever a member of New Edition (old or new), put the mike down and back away.

I am almost empathetic to Micheal Jackson, but his current trials were generated by the 'gloved one' himself. This is a guy who has not been hurting for cash since the early eighties when he was Black. The birth of nephew brought to mind the conspiracy of this case. Humor me if you will.
Somewhere around the early eighties after 'Off the Wall' and while writing 'Thriller', MJ devised a plot to take some time off, but keep the MJ machine
rolling. He had his trusted assistant, let's call him Mr. White, pose as him while he had some much needed basement time. Jackson gorged himself on Little Debbie Oatmeal Creme Pies and Nutty Buddy's. He put on a little weight, but enjoyed the freedom. Oblivious to the antics of Mr. White, MJ enjoyed the freedom of walking the streets and going unnoticed. Over the years, Mr. White spent freely and got into a bit of trouble. Seemingly decimating the funds Mr. Jackson worked so hard to build. Jackson had to re-invent himself, but could not stay out of the limelight. He has gone on to star in television shows with a young boy, Kel, that he took under his wing and also lead in a few movies (GoodBurger and Fat Albert).

But this goes to show that if Mr. Jackson had simply diversified his holdings in other ways, he would still be fairly revered. His name would not be sullied with the current and past allegations and there would not be a line of future cases. And he would not have to be currently looking for that next piece of crap movie vehicle to extend his current habit of Little Debbie treats.

Everyone wants to feel as if they are relevant to something or someone in no matter how small a way. The mistake that is commonly made is when that time is up and you are no longer relevant in that particular segment, we hold on. When we hold on, we lose our audience.

Becoming irrelevant should not bruise ones ego or designate that that person no longer has valid contributions. It simply means that that person needs to diversify. Find something else that defines them. Astronomy shows that stars don't always remain stars. Take a hint that James Brown coined, but could not adhere to when he asked his cousin Maceo, '... can I hit it and quit it?'

Hit it and Quit it. In and out like a robbery. Both lost arts. Primarily because there have been some that appeared as if their 15 minutes lasted longer than others. But when it all comes down, it was the same old 15 minutes. And at 15:30, people are pointing fingers and laughing.

In Memory ...

We lost one the brightest minds in law on Tuesday, March 29th. Johnie Cochran passed from a bout with a brain tumor and it was almost treated as an aside.

The signoff on my local newscast had the anchorman coming back from a story about an 83 year old lady who does what she can at the local firehouse trying to relieve tensions and give the boys what they may be missing at home and he then goes, "Oh yeah and Johnie Cochran is dead. Good Night and Stay Classy."

Cochran was a man that started out prosecuting in what was at the time the largest prosecuting attorneys office in the world, the L.A. District attorneys office, and quickly made his way to one of their lead roles. At that point they created a monster that would come back and bite them in the ARSE.

Fulfilling the internal need to serve a greater good, he started defending the rights of disadvantaged people. Having won 10 straight criminal defense cases against his old employer, he took the case of Geronimo Pratt. L.A. DA's office was not going to let him get passed them with this one. Right or wrong, Cochran was not going to win that case. So Pratt's innocence was of no consequence. Johnie was defending so innocent or not, the case had to be one of example. Cochran lost his first case, Pratt went to jail for life, and it has been discovered that tons of evidence that would have freed Pratt had been buried by the DA.

Johnie never the less was pole vaulted to a level of celebrity. But regardless of his station he still remained grounded, taking cases upon merit rather than dollars. As he defended 'The Glove' to the best of his ability, he also defended Reginald 'I got the Beatdown' Denny. He wowed the jury at the OJ trial when he spit, "If the Glove don't fit, you must acquit ..." As OJ faked as if the blood stained glove was too small for his hand.

The Cochran victories are the stuff legends are made of while the defeats were hardly noticed. So with his passing, we don't look at it as a defeat, but a home-going. Godspeed Johnie. We only regret that R. Kelly, Beanie Seigel, and Kobe Bryant could not retain you.

Madness of Chuck E. Cheese Has Harsh Influence on Adults .....

Mad Woman Caught on Chuck E. Cheese Camera

Dateline --- Round Rock, TX

A woman who reportedly is the mother of two was unknowingly captured on a camera at Chuck E. Cheese shooting the bird to a minor who was apparently barging in on the good times had by the children in her charge. To this reporters knowledge, nothing this shocking has ever been posted to this blog. The children that were under the watchful eyeful of a young lady rumored to be.... well, we will call her CP (to be known henceforth as Mrs. X), display utter shock, horror, and disdain for what is going on. The young man, circled in the bottom right of the inset, whom we can not name because he is a minor (we will call him Chase) is oblivious to the intruder as well his mothers 50% off peace sign that she is flashing at the young intruder yet to be identified.

"Mrs. X has always seemed so responsible and mindful." said the five year old along for this magical ride.

"I knew something looked odd about the hand gesture being used" quoted another parent nearby.

We called Mrs. Xs' home and our call was answered by someone claiming to be Mr. X. He babbled a few incoherent words followed by a Guiness Black and Tan induced burp. As we tried to get more information from him, he gave us a resounding F U and hung up the phone.

It has been speculated that the use of this term is commonplace in the X household. Cursing more than a coven of witches on Halloween, the Xs' are not the most high level communicators and resort to belittling others under duress.

So when in Pattersonville understand that you don't to back either of them into a corner. The 'F-Bombs' fly early and often. God forbid you are in the need of asistance, on any roadside as this family comes riding by. As you wave to try and get their attention, they will be waving back. And their wave will not be indicating that they are number one, nor will they be point you to the right direction. As they pass, it will become abundantly clear what that signal is. Turn it up, turn it down, it sound the same whistling in the wind.

Peace,
or at least half of it anyway.

Damn... Damn... Damn.... Why Reggie? Why?

How humiliating. I am absolutely mortified. How can Reggie do this to us?

I once knew a guy named Reggie and I knew instantly that I could not trust him. It is something about a grown man that refers to himself as "Reggie" that is just not right. I can not recall one "Reggie" that had any redeeming social qualities at all. There was Reggie from the Archie comics, Jackie Gleason's real name was Reggie, the sap in 'Casablanca' was named Reggie, Reggie Jackson, and so the list goes.

Reggie Fowler has positioned himself as the first minority owner of a NFL team, the Vikings, a few days ago and and as par for the course the entire black community has piled on higher than a steaming bowl of chit' lins at the summertime family reunion. There have been dozens to attempt this feat before, from the low key to the ex-NFL'er with huge financial backing. Reggie seemed to have his ducks in a row, not only is he a billionaire, Spiral Inc. has several diverse holdings, but he has partnered with a few other cats that carry weight as well. Reggie even endeared himself to the Minnesota community by using a Sugar Hill Gang reference when at his press conference to announce that he is a candidate to buy the team from filthy-rich Red McCombs (who stands to clear over 350 million from the deal), he said, "I'm six foot one and tons of fun".

That is when the trouble started and the community stampeded away from Reggie quicker that Jose Conseco (which is Spanish for Reggie) outing the next steroid enhanced buddy to make a quick buck. Big Reg listed the following in his bio - University of Wyoming linebacker whom played for the Cincinnati Bengals and Calgary Stampeders, Little League World Series participant, and a passion for numbers that led him to a degree in Finance. Most of which ended up being patentedly false. Fowler never stayed with either professional franchise to even smell the coffee let alone have a sip - he never made it through training camp in both cases. He has never been near the Williamsport locale of the LLWS. And lastly, he received his degree from UW in social work where there is not a real big call for a passion for numbers.

Now he has to have a passion for something because it has not been disputed (yet) whether he is a billionaire or not. As a matter of fact I am sure that his biographical embellishment aided in getting to the position he is in today. That double edged sword has just been turned to the sharper side and now Reggie has been nicked. The thing that has me scratching my slightly thinning head is , 'If you are a billionaire, WHY LIE?' At billionaire status, I could give two shits what the next guy thought of who I am or where I have been.

And the fact that his CV contained the lies is one thing, but the lies are so poor. The Bengals???? Who would lie about playing for the Bengals? Most current and past Bengals players lie about not playing for the team. Icky Woods is somewhere right now looking for a deserted island to live out the rest of his days not being tied to the team and not having to do that BS of a dance.

The last thing we need is for Reg to be cast as a liar. This could probably set black folks back another four hundred years. Reggie's little faux pas is going to have me 'bustin' up a chifferow' for Massa before it is said and done. So Reggie, my man, the Little League thing I can overlook. Touting that your company is higher on the list of Black owned businesses than it actually is - takes no skin off my back. But I do find the actions of a man claiming to have played for not one, but two of the worst professional football franchises in North America absolutely unconscionable. You should be stripped of something for that (give me a minute to come up with a punishment to fit the crime, like maybe spend your money owning either team). You are a billionaire, if someone does not like you, send them to their financial ruin and laugh as they go to the poor house, just don't tell the bad lie.

It just goes to show how careful we all need to be in these days and time. You never know whose watching, how much scrutiny you are under, and how you past is on your ass like a Doberman after you have stolen your moms silverware to hock for a beer. So everything being everything Reggie, are you really 6'1" and a ton of fun?

CNN.com - Lawmaker says he shares homes with 2 women - Jan 24, 2005

Playaz gotta play, Ballaz gotta ball .... R. Kelly

From the files of "Why Could This Have Not Worked for Me"

State Senator John Ford, a Memphis Democrat, who has headed senate committees on the state's child welfare policies - has found a way to exercise the very margins of the laws that he created. Ford has been divorced since 2002, a bitter contest that led his ex-wife to crash her sedan into the home of his long time girlfriend.

Now if you want a full view of the scoreboard: Ex-wife - 3 kids, Long time girlfriend - 2. Ford has managed to stay out of the greedy clutches of CHSUP by maintaining two families and physically living in both houses. Label how you will, all I can say is "Now that is PIMP!".

Ford is free to traipse between two houses with no issues. Originally, I thought that the only way this could happen is if the good state representative either is living two lives on the DL or it is purely a financial thing and the women have agreed to let him sleep on the couch in either residence. Well, that thought quickly vanished after reading that the former Mrs. Ford is six months pregnant by Mr. Ford.

Damn It. How does this guy get away with it? Let me benefit off the sale of a Halloween Mars bar that one of my in-house kids pass over. The AG will swoop down so fast taking their cut that all you will see is two dimes spinning in the wind. In Texas they are so cold that they will charge interest on any back child support, but not necessarily pay out that interest amount collected.

Ford skirts the entire AG involvement by maintaining the households for both women and dropping in for a little nookie on the side. Yes, I said side nookie, because apparently Rep. Ford's lifestyle has come to question only because a third woman has a ten year old fathered by Ford. Skeezer #3 has sued Ford to increase the $500 per month that she receives from his $385K plus salary.

Ah, a chink in the chain, apparently Pimpy could not keep his skee-o's in check because this third person has not only won a suit charging that with an employee of then General Sessions Clerk Ford. She claims that while "ahem" working under Ford, she was sexually harassed and now has a ten year old son.

Mr. Ford, I just wanna know how I can be down with your program?

Pentagon reveals rejected chemical weapons - News | Print | New Scientist

Pentagon reveals rejected chemical weapons - News | Print | New Scientist

The Pentagon considered several non-lethal chemical weapon solutions to demoralize their foe and make raping their countries of their precious resources easier without the mess of blowing things up.

Some ideas that they have tossed around include:
- An "aphrodisiac" weapon
This weapon is designed to cause the enemy to find
one another irresistible. This has been commonly found
in most urban areas and known as the "bomb ass
pu$$y". It has been the down fall of many black men.
- A weapon that attracts angry wasp or rats to troop positions
The chemical weapons to attract pest is another
by-product of the continually product testing that
goes on in the hood. The pest list in the urban warfare
not only included wasp and rats, but babies mamas as
well.
- A weapon that causes severe and lasting halitosis
This was a weapon that dealt a crushing blow to the
urban ballah that were subject to be caught out with
out the necessary equipment to freshen up. Commonly
referred to as the bomb a$$ weed, chronic, hydro, and
the list continues. And for those that refused to
inhale, there are Newports.
- And lastly, a weapon that make the skin unbearable to
sunlight
Just when my Caucasian brothers and sisters thought
they were safe, this weapon was developed. Commonly
referred to as the sun, this weapon was designed to
make your pale a$$ peel and go running for the SPF-
155.

So in essence, it is good to see that our nation is proactive about finding humane solutions to warfare and have found many of those right here in our home neighborhoods and communities.

Why Some Women Suffer from Self Esteem Issues ....

Ashlee Simpsons vocal malfunction

The article references the vocal assault that Ms. Simpson unleashed on the Orange Bowl crowd and viewing audience. How could a veritable no-talent could have the pull to command an Orange Bowl stage, the last college football game of the year.

Blame (I rarely cast blame and so I feel that when I do I have to be as accurate as possible, but I feel that this scenario is more than clear) can only be placed on Joe Simpson. Unlike another Joe (Jackson) who fashion his kids as the clydesdales that will power the gravy-train, Rev. Joe Simpson's train was rolling with the speed of a fat man toward Krispy Kreme when the red light comes on. Family beauty Jessica's star on the steady rise, the Simpsons were going to be taken care of. Ms. Lachey was pimping everything from pizza to acne creme, taking her ditzy act and Double D's to the bank (ching-ching).

So this atrocity in the Orange Bowl was not the affect of the good reverend thinking Ashlee was just as talented or a slight to Jessica's good fortune as if anyone could do what she does. I saw it coming a mile away. Younger, Ugly Duck of a sister believes that she was the one with the smarts while older sister got the looks. She probably thought that even more people would for her act because she has an edge. I saw the tear-filled conversation with daddy about how ugly she felt since Jessica has gotten all the press. A daddy who wants to make things right turned on the media machine that made one daughter. The same machine has mashed the other over that edge that she put so much thought into claiming.

Joe's crime is failure to parent via tossing cash at the problem. So what has occurred - the SNL lip syncing and now the halftime show where she was roundly booed (have you ever heard of anyone being booed anything but roundly). Disasters usually come in threes and we have experienced two so let's throttle back a bit before three begins to affect the ATM that you already have going. Overexposure can killed a career, ask Jessica's husband (ol' what his name). Or any of the latin singers that were just out a few years back. Or Kobe Bryant. Or, er .... you get my point.

Yahoo! News - Man Charged With Aiming Laser at Aircraft

David Banach originally lied to investigators when questioned about recent lasers that were reported shone into the cockpits of several planes and helicopters. Banach told the investigators that it was his daughter behind the laser attacks. When paced through a lie detector, it was proven that Banach was actually the culprit.

Moments of Clarity ...

By human nature, we are self-actualization beings. Self preservation initiates a sense within us to realize a feature of us that may not the best side or prompts us to when a change needs to be made. To some that mechanism may be rock bottom for others it could be the whispers on the wind. Maybe it is a matter of how in tune you are to that inner voice. The voice that tells the 350 pounder that he is one big steak from cardiac arrest of the voice that tells the cheater that his wife has just pulled into the driveway and the nanny needs to get back to work.

While on the couch, watching my favorite team hand out the customary beating during the homecoming game and preparing to rip into a three piece snack pack, I had an epiphany. It was a bright flash that was so startling that it toppled my sons fire engine that I was using as an ottoman, my suicide (a soft drink that is a mixture of Sprite, Dr. Pepper, and Strawberry sodas) goes flying through the air, Vince Young has just thrown an interception to one of the worse defensive teams in college football, and my wife threatens that if that drink hits her hardwood - my ass is grass. The moment of clarity was driven by the fact that the legs (drumsticks) that Church's serves now are incredibly smaller than they used to be. I mentioned this to my better half and she maintained that maybe my hands are larger than they used to be. Granted that could play a factor, but for the degree of difference in the size I would have had to have been Tiny Tim back when I tore into my first juicy drumstick from the aforementioned eatery. I cried shenanigans then, I cry shenanigans now, but that is what brings me to my point.

Little Jeffrey that lived on the corner of your street - you know the guy that you used to trick into swallowing coins or the kid who would mine for refugees in his nose and make his own snack pack, could have just found the cure for the common cold and donated any possible proceeds to various charities. When you get wind of this monumentous event, by nature your first thought is back to when you convinced him to swallow a quarter for a quarter. As you double over chuckling, reminiscing about the look on his face when he found out that the quarter that you were paying was the quarter he just swallowed, the accomplishment has pretty much lost its cache.

So as I leapt from the imprint that I have left in my couch from lying in that exact same spot for years, executing a spin move to avoid my daughter, and stiff-armed my son trying to tackle me and get the miniscule drumstick that I still had in my clutches to catch the drink that had hovered for seemingly 30 minutes. After securing the drink and devouring the leg with a wink to my boy, I realized that I have been guilty of not allowing those around me their personal growth. I don't do the things today that I did twenty years ago. Hopefully, I am capable of doing far more today than I could twenty years ago. And I can only pray that somehow, someway, I am a fraction wiser than I was twenty tears ago. If I can accept that for myself, I should allow that for everyone from my past and those in my future that will become part of my past.

Now there is a caveat to this as most situations, I can change the part of me that will look at my best pal in high school as the guy that tried to hit everything that moved and accept him now as the domesticated family man he has become. Six kids indicates that he still likes to get his thing on, but I can accept that it is with one woman now as opposed to when we were kids. And this is the rub, you can go on to do great things and if recognition is your thing, I say that you should get it and people that have known your former lives should accept the present day you. The exception, though, is the type of person you are. Your personality speaks truer to your heart because you can not escape that person. You can redirect your energies and rechannel your efforts, but the heart rings true. So if I detect multiple personalities, you could have just invented beer that gets you drunk with no slurring or hangover, I don't care. You are still Lon Chaney (The Man of a Thousand Faces) to me and its hard more me to validate you as even partially credible. Thanks for the discovery, but I will rarely give any credence to anything coming from your piehole.

So if Col. Sanders, Mrs. Church, Popeye, or any other chicken fryer is reading this post, bring back the big chicken. If not, I can accept that and possibly take whatever you have, but when you announce the next big thing, I will scoff at you because I feel betrayed and lied to when you started passing off these leg of squab as drumsticks.

Couple Charged In Baby's Death After Three-Day Crack Binge

WFTV.com - News Of The Strange - Couple Charged In Baby's Death After Three-Day Crack Binge

There are a few things that are extremely disconcerting about this article. Thomas, 39 year old female, and Bryan, 46 year old male, embarked on a three day crack binge where it was reported that neither slept more than 4 hours. The result of this wrecklessness lead to the death of an infant. That in itself is extremely sorrowful so I will refrain further mention of the fatal incident because I just don't feel right searching for any comedy in that, the situation these two adults put themselves in is absolutely rife with things to point out and chuckle at.

Submitted for review are a 46 year old man and a 39 year old woman, now admittedly, I am out of the crack circuit, but what adult over 35 still smokes crack? From my understanding, crack is not the type of drug that can be used over a prolonged period of time. Recreational crack quickly becomes habitual crack and the user will quickly become the abuser, and cracked-out is right around the corner.

The most famous crackheads that come to mind are the Browns and Whitney has alledgedly amassed a good deal cash that she could sustain a fairly long crack life, but crack makes the best of us look bad (money or not), as a matter of fact, the less money you have the worse crack will treat you. You could possibly end up doing things so out of character that you can only close your eye and imagine that you are playing the flute in the high school band. But in reality, crack can break you down to your least compound and have you scrambling for more instead of hustling to restore your former life.

The couple in question were having a three day crack party on $500 worth of crack. Again, no crack expert, but I never thought two people could go three hours on $500 dollars worth of crack let alone 3 days. If they only slept a few hours a day, and again who can sleep when they are high on crack, we are basically looking at about 22 hours a day and $250 worth of crack apiece (assuming that Bryan did not pull a pimp move and disproportionally split the pile of crack).

Roughly 66 hours and 250 dollars, $3.78 worth of crack per hour and breaking this down to hourly increments is generous because not many crackheads can go an hour without using - ask Bobby or Whitney. $3.78 worth of crack cocaine, you can not go to a crack dealer with $3.78, he will either shoot you or have the cops pick you up at his door - cracked out and going to jail (not a very good look). At least the Browns have the wherewithal and personal acumen to know that they will need more than $3.78 to keep up their level of crack abuse. These people were obviously not accustomed to have a 3 day crack binge because went so south so very quickly for them.

Crack is surely a young persons game. Older folks on crack cannot keep the beast from leading the shame and mockery parade through their lives. After thirty-five, the only crack I can accept is when the plumber visits or maybe a strip bar or two, but that is it. So if anyone in the crack game happens to read this posting, please check ID's. It will go a long way in protesting the fabric of our lives.

WFTV.com - News - Boss Spanked Employees For Mistakes, Police Say

WFTV.com - News - Boss Spanked Employees For Mistakes, Police Say

This is truly strange and sort of creepy, but a simple example of how some people can convince themselves that they are on the right side by what they believe to be true.

Mr. Paul Levengood (57) owns and runs the Tasty Flavors Sno Biz in Red Bank, TN. Now, I have never been very adept to geography and I am about as unfamiliar with Tennessee geography as I am to lederhosen, kiddie porn, or doing thing by the books. But if I had to hazard a guess to where our man Levengood is, I would say somewhere between Red Neck and Red Arse.

Paul decided to be the full authority at the Tasty Flavors by deciding to discipline a couple of employee a their transgressions. The two nineteen year old girls accused P. Leezee of spanking them when they made mistakes on the job.

I am often accused of making the envision the worst in people or forecasting the gloom of most situations, but I can only imagine how popping things were at the Tasty Flavors. Pops spanking the young girls in his office with the black light illuminating the posters on the wall, as the disco ball fixed to the ceiling speckles the room. Big Daddy has the incense working as he swings his custom paddle -Pain is Love- through the air.

"Tell me you been a naughty girl." is heard from said back room as some pimply-faced kid is trying to take sno-cone orders from a couple of late night customers.

Mr. Levengood was under the assumption that he was protected from any prosecution of executing these acts because the girls obviously signed off on a spanking waiver in their application. The statement gave him permission to "bust my behind any way he sees fit." Hmmmmm. Obviously that did not fly as he is now free on $2000 bond.

So get with me after I open my Tasty Flavors franchise. Spankings going down in VIP and get you fresh sno cone on the way out.

Fewer Surfers Prowling For Porn | October 28, 2004

CBS News | Fewer Surfers Prowling For Porn | October 28, 2004�18:16:51

Who knew?

Why was I not notified that we were going to stop surfing porn? I have been wracking my brain (as well as other body parts) trying to find better ways of multi-tasking this activity, and for what - You people want to quit on me.

Seven years ago, we ruled 20% of the active internet searches to now br reduced to 5 percent. That's a whole lot of quitting in my book. Where is the zeal for doing something well? Where is the pride in workmanship?

The next time I decide to "catch the wave", I will know better than to align myself with with a bunch of quitters who can not tough it out through a few annoying pop-ups or those other ads than go full screen and you can not minimize before the kids enter the room.

So I am mortally wound that my compadres could not sustain this momentum, so don't call me if you are gonna quit on the next big thing.

Rumors ...

Dateline: My Desk
Newsflash: -- Yankee wife-swapping lifts the team

Who really know the truth when such rumors float around? Especially about the gods of the present day. Sports figures are so revered and live such different lives that a normal, mundane, existence would probably get old and go sour within the first four hours. Can you imagine Barry Bonds cleaning the gutters of his house or fixing a grilled cheese for the baby girl. He would be madly insane before noon.

But the rumor is reported about a current unnamed Yankee and comes from a former Ft. Worth Star Telegram reporter. Said Yankee is reported to be invigorated and attributes his wife swapping to this new found energy, Now, let's connect the dots: Ft. Worth beat reporter, Yankee, what Yankee has Texas ties, hmmmm. Hint: Lone Ranger. Starts with A, ends with Rod.

This latest circulation hit home with me (not that I condone the swapping of wives, but I don't condemn), because a really stand-up dude is getting married this weekend. Marriage is one of those types of things that no matter how much you have prepared (I shacked damn near longer than I have been married), you will never be prepared. No matter how well you may know your future spouse, you will never know everything. Marriage is the type of thing I will only do once. It only took one root canal for me to realize that I have to take care of the chicklets (teeth) so I won't have to go back. But I digress.

Wife swapping has to have its merits. Fox has a reality show with the heads up trading theme. So if it has hit mainstream reality TV, then it can't be bad. Now I'm not saying that I am looking to throw my girl into the ring, but I am intrigued by the activity itself. My curiosity is purely for research sake. Heeheehee. With my luck, I could probably only be able to trade for that dreaded 'player to be named later'.

For those that could not fathom the thought of the back of their betroth being blown out by some other dude or your sweetheart doing her best Pan the Magic Flute while you are on the sidelines, then swapping may not be a good idea. There are some that have a strong need for fresh pie (sic). Some men need (crave) a variety, those are just the freaks that get married and close their eyes real tight during sex with the wife and thinks of the neighbors wife, whether she is good looking or not. There are those in the married ranks that choose to be selfish and cheat. Now that is not cool. If you are bold enough to creep, then at least allow the significant other to get their thing on too. Thus swapping.

How does that conversation begin. "Hey would you guys like to come over and swap?" Or, "Bill, I have been watching you looking at my girl and I think your girl could really go hard in the paint ...". How do you broach the subject with anyone to be involved?
From what I understand there are parties, but again how do you find that comfortable place to offer up your spouse and also get equity in return.

I have scene those different shows that feature people with alternative lifestyles, but the people that consider that particular way of life are not really stunners. We would fantasize about going to a swap party where everybody is hot, like Eyes Wide Shut. But the reality is that most guys trying to swap their wives are trying to trade up, no guy is going to consider giving up his wife for a goon, unless he is married to a goon. Even at the nudist colonies, there is no good naked there.

If say, Hugh Hefner was swapping.... I'm in. Even if I have to throw my girl in the burlap sack and drag her to the grotto. But, say Cletus from the meth lab... er trailer park, is offering his leather mitt - I would have to decline.

I am a fairly plain guy. I have at least 10 pair of khaki's. So on spec, I would not be picked as a swapper. Swapping is for leather pants guy. Swapping is for a guy that can say that has been to a disco, at least twice. Swapping is for a guy that has a gold chain with a small spoon around his neck. That is so far removed from my world, but again, I can not condemn.

So I would say to anyone that is considering marriage or someone that may be realizing that their Ritz may just be a regular saltine, Keep it Fresh. If you need wigs, outfits whatever. Because if actual swapping has brought new life to a professional that has it all, a wig and a Nurse Betty outfit can do it for me.

Don't Let the Smooth Taste Fool You ...

Dateline -- My Desk at Work
Headline -- 2% of Women polled consider themselves 'Beautiful'

I guess as I strapped on the battle-armor during my young and single days, I never took time to realize how true this fact could have been. 2%????? Most may sit in BUS 310 and think, out of the hundred chicks in the room there are more than 2 beautiful women. That may be true, but go down to the DMV.

The operative devices at work hear are 1) guys are not a barometer of what a woman deems beautiful, and 2) women have the luxury of several different categories of attractiveness as far as guys are concerned.

It is a fact - A guy cares less about what a girl has going on or even what type of person she may be. It's all initially about how she looks and sometimes it's more about one feature or another. Women on the other hand care less about how a man looks. A chick will be more inclined to moisture watching how a guy interacts with others or his stature. If you are a boss - you get head. If you are a peon; Nathan.

More dynamics at play - Given the two previous points (The 2% and what we look for), there is an interesting dynamic at play. At least 80% percent of women act like others should view them as 'beautiful'. Halle Berry said it best, 'It's not easy being beautiful'. So when you look at the chick that you think is out of your league, she may not think that she is half as beautiful as you think. So word of encouragement to you dweebs out there, 'Shoot your wad, young players. You never know what could happen. You may run into that girl whose beauty is breathtaking, but her self esteem is so low you need underwater gear to find it (Almost any female in the Golden Triangle). Now on the other hand, she may cuss (sic) you or get a restraining order, but there are more out there.

True enough, beauty is subjective. Nothing truer can be said. And it is also a fact that the longer I have been drinking and the more I have struck out, the more beautiful some girls may get. So Mfufu Akinballa, is over in the corner sending drinks to my table in hopes that I will keep drinking and she can close the deal. But by the same token, I have struck out several times so I might slam a couple tequila boilermakers to hasten the process and me and Mfufu can make our escape to the parking lot for a hot steamy car date.

If anyone has ever seen me with my family, it is not hard to realize which one of us really don't belong in the group. I am the understudy in a house of stars, but that just reminds me that the penny that was struck by lightning, the horseshoe, and the dead rabbit I carry in my pocket paid off.

So in closing, if you are out there and got more booty than you can shake a stick at. Then simply consider the mental state of those chicks on your team and if they truthfully consider themselves in the 2 percent.

Call You What ?????

99% of us at some point have been called some other name than our god given monikers. Whether you like it or not we have all been called something. Most people have a cousin Pookie, Ray Ray, or Bubba. The childhood nicknames usually derive from a drunken uncle that would not have remembered you name if you had it plastered on your forehead. "Hey, Stinky, go get your Uncle Pooh a Budweiser." Thanks to Uncle Pooh, you will for ever be known as Stinky.

I went to grade school with a guy who for some unfortunate string of events was tagged 'Breath'.

We were on a field trip to the aquarium and this guy was watching the fish, but no fish swam directly in front of him. Another student, who was three years older than everyone else, but could not advance past the fifth grade where his mother was the teacher, cracked that his breath was so bad the fish could not swim in front of him. Thus, 'Breath' was born. The guy developed such a complex about it that he now has diabetes from all the gum he used to freshen his breath throughout the years.

There is also a segment of the population, which has donned their own moniker; something that they think suits them better than Todd or Brad. And so in the introduction they will begin their intro with, 'Just call me ....'. What you running from dude? Are you in witness protection or what? They names are usually T-Bone, Cool Breeze, or Butch. I'm sorry, can't do it. How about I call you Larry - Your mother does. His mama call him Clay, I'm gonna call him Clay.

Nicknames are not something that you bestow on yourself and they rarely stick if they are not truly descriptive or are a derivative of your name or where you are from. Several years ago, I bumped into a cat wearing a Brooklyn Dodgers cap and glasses. We introduce ourselves and he addresses himself as Spike. Hmmmm. Am I to call him Spike because he weighs 105 and has the glasses and hat, or was it genuine. Regardless, I could not bring myself to it. There has to be some nickname criteria set. If your new handle contains, Big, Sweet, Sexy, Boss, Rock, Juicy, Smooth, Pretty, or any offshoot; you get the 'Hey You' from me. Furthermore you will force me to make fun of you. If you go so far as to purchase any article of clothing with any of the aforementioned names, either get a hug or seek professional help - prescription drugs may not be a stretch.

For Entertainment Purposes Only

FOXSports.com - Odds

There are opportunities for magic this weekend. This posting is for entertainment purposes only, but there is money to be made. Don't catch a brick. You don't wanna be caught in the rain without you raincoat.

Miami is a 13 point underdog. New England will score late to cover.
- This was too obvious. +100

Cleveland is pathetic, but they play big when least expected. Take the points, even though that +240 looks sweet.
- Roht, Roh. -110 Overall -10

Indianapolis is prime for an upset and if Oakland wins, I will be convinced that NFL players are on the take.
- A cover. +100 Overall +90

If you think Detroit can cover don't pass on the +250 money line.
- Ding. Ding. Ding. +250 Overall +340

Tampa Bay will get off the schneid and who better to do it against than New Orleans. $100 get you $155.
- I feeling it. +155 Overall +495

I hate to say it, but take the Giants money line against the Cowboys. $100 gets $160.
- I'm good. +160 Overall +655

Minnesota comes to Houston to destroy their buzz. Minnesota -4
- Don't hate me. +100 Overall +755

Buffalo is crap. The Jets have a soft schedule and will not cover 7. Buffalo +7
- This is sweet. +100 Overall +855

Jacksonville covers on the road v. San Diego. Jax -3.
- Ooops. -110 Overall +745

Denver will not win nor cover. Take the Panthers on the money line and double up. $100 get you $200.
- But what do I know. -100 Overall +645

Seattle covers 7 against the Rams. Seattle -7.
- The slide continues. -110 Overall +535

Arizona beats the Niners and wins $105 on a $100 bet.
- What got into the Niners. -100 Overall +435

Seven up, Five down. Overall wins $435.

Washington/Baltimore is too much of a toss up.

Parlay, Box, Straight. Play these as you will, but remember even though they are stone cold lead pipe locks. Take them with a grain of caution.

When It comes to Our Thing, There are rules, parameters....

There are egregious violations going on from the east to the west. Something so painfully wrong that the heartland will never be the same. We must come together and take personal responsibility for correcting the tear that this worsening behavior has caused in the very fabric of our lives. Like a guy in public with tight pants or your woman referring to you as moist, something is wrong. This is very wrong.

The violation that I have noticed in one the most sacred layers of man's inner sanctum is the lack of concern and care that we show for one another by disrespectful the personal space that we are all entitled to in the men's room. We have to be good citizens. There is no greater disrespect from one man to another is the perimeter violation while attempt to use the can, hit the head, find peace, etc.

Say for instance, there are three urinals along a single wall. If you came in and all three post are unoccupied, it is so wrong on so many levels to park in that middle space. What are others to do when you have forced the issue by using the middle urinal. The proper thing to do is chose one of the outside drains. Taking the middle violates the stall and a half perimeter that must be respected to avoid anarchy in the men's room.

The same principle applies for the throne. Who wants another guy that close while seeking inner peace? The guy that will go to the middle stall has some serious social issues. I believe the selection of that stall is such a cry for attention that if I can identify that violator, I will take note, and monitor that person in the outside world so I can mock more of his behavior in the future. Some of you may say, 'In most laboratories, there are only two usable stalls, the third is handicap.' I would agree. There are only two usable stalls, the small stall adjacent to the nearest wall and the 'Handicap' (I call it the Presidential Suite). The real handicap is the guy who goes to the middle stall. It is such a cry for attention that I liken it to the ugly school who begs for someone to sit next to her on the bus.

As I sit in the 'Suite' atop the five inch thick layer of toilet paper that a lay over the seat and notice someone has selected the stall right next to me, I am taking note of all visuals that identify that person and I will begin the process of socially ostracize that person as a mens room violator. It matter not if it was the only stall open and you just a the Indian curry chicken, you are in breech of proper men's room etiquette.

As men, we are simple beings. We need to be mindful of the possibility of how wrong things can get in outhouse. We are responsible for keeping the room as safe and conducive for heavy meditation. We must respect the proper spacing, keep our hands to ourselves (the Moises Alou effect is real), and be good stewards for one of the few places we can have to ourselves and not give in to equal rights intruders.