Serious Consideration is Required

If the Big 3 approves of this type of vehicle design decision, how can they possibly justify getting a government 'bridge loan'?

Ineptitude usually manifest itself in the choices that are attributed to you.  Someone thought that a hatchback Trans Am would sell.  

I thought that there was a 3 - 5 year span between concept vehicle to production approval.  At least that is the standard line from automakers when they were asked some 10 years ago to start making vehicles that met certain fuel efficient standards.  I guess they felt that it was easier or cheaper to lobby Congress rather than provide the product that the government and this country has asked for.

I can't say that I ever  saw one of these on the street, but it looks a lot like the Dodge Magnum.

Houston's Finest ...

Along with such things as :

• the cute girl that is actually a dude
  
• the candy hamburger that actually taste like .... a hamburger
• the holiday where you actually have to work

I humbly submit - 

The may appear to be that classic Mercedes SL that the ballers rolled back in the 90's, but upon closer inspection it is not.  

This vehicle indeed can be had through Craigslist from a seller in the Houston area for the low low price $3,995.  

If you are a 80's baby and the idea of cutting the alligator off an IZOD/LaCoste polo and pasting or gluing the said logo onto the brand new LeTigre polo then you would not have any problem with the fact that your SL is actually a Chrysler LeBaron.  But let's just say you are either gonna roll solo or convince any passengers that the result of the Chrysler/Daimler merger.  Good Luck.

Separation Anxiety ...

I had a green coat once ... I loved that coat, but I left that coat in the balcony of the Wynewood Theater after watching Lady and the Tramp back in 1975.  I got over the loss of that coat after being picked up in my step dads '72 Buick Century where the over-active heater had the cab of the car at just below inferno temperatures.  That green coat was just another item added to the list of things that I thought I could not do without (Feressa Plouche being another), but did not actually feel robbed when I had to.  That coat hopefully went to some good and Feressa should be getting out on parole any day now - God Bless her.

Among the latest political fallout is the Zogby poll commissioned by a documentary producer to go along with his film, Media Malpractice ... How Obama Got Elected.  From the information promoting the film and website, the premise of the total effort is to proclaim that from the survey sample, a large degree of Obama supporters were driven by the media and conversely since the media is so enamored with PE Obama that their coverage has blinded the people and driven them to make uninformed decisions.  The fallout of gathering and publishing the information as they did is much more wide-spread than that.  Since this poll, its results, and the future of the documentary would never thrive without media assistance, then it is subject to media interpretation.  Unfortunately, some media outlets will spin these poll results to their agenda and will take some of the most ordinary answers and cast some poor aspersions on people that don't really deserve it.  Worst yet, some interpretation have been taken as if PE Obama was elected by the mindless of our nations population.

In the YouTube snippet posted on the site, there are some people that don't know the answers to some general news-of-the-day type questions and true they seem more knowing of the issue that were repeated during the campaign, most media driven, but very local.  512 voters is hardly a cross-section of the actual votes that were cast for the President-Elect.  I don't have an issue with skirting the facts for comedy sake or to make a joke, but this is one of those cases where better judgement should have been exercised.  With unchecked authority or proper sampling, the results of this poll could be used to undermine the national confidence in a man that is the tip of the sword for what this country will be for the next four years.

Nate Silver, of fivethirtyeight.com, stated that the poll got stupid answers because it asked stupid questions.  Coming from a guy who makes a living on publishing polls, I have to agree.  Looking further into the poll really shows how the context of this poll, as benign as the questions and answers are, have been raked over the coals to tough on the more base nature of the comments that are being made by the public at large.  Comments that somehow attribute Obama's win solely to people of color (the poll numbers refute that), or that the majority of Obama voters were poor or uneducated (the poll also shows that to be untrue).

So say what you may about how the President-Elect has come to be the President-Elect, fact is that he is and it took more than minorities, low-income, or poorly educated to do so.  The media, as powerful and broad-reaching as it is can not put a man in office (were that the case Al Gore would have had a turn).

True ... the poll and documentary has shown that there were/are some uninformed voters.  True ... my heart sank just a bit to see the people of color on the video that were not prepared to represent for the first man of color in office.  They may be portrayed as less than adept, but the poll shows that they interviewed hardly any NASCAR fans (i mean ... if you really want to show some less-than-smartness (sic) Talledega would seem like a good place to start).

So, I lamented about that coat for all of 30 minutes ... When Feressa figured she had a shot with Rodney Allen Rippy, I was devastated for about ... 30 minutes ... Al Gore and Florida, maybe a day or about as long as it took to realize I had to go back to work.  You will have your chance to say I told you so in four years.  Plain and simple ... get over it.  The healing starts now.

Two Minute Hate

Bare with me if you please.  I am starting a new post that I plan to update regularly.  I am by nature or nurture a cynical person and with today's constant reporting of the sublimely ridiculous, inane, and flat out stupid, I need a release.

Thanks to that summer reading list my mom found back in the summer of my freshman year, I give you my version of George Orwell's, 1984, "Two Minute Hate".

• How in the hell does someone come up with the bright idea of becoming a pirate?  Are they still called 'pirates' these days?  What is the recruitment process like?  God knows the military here is having a hard time replenishing the US military.  Hell, a recruiter half as old as me tried to hand me a brochure in the grocery store the other day.  I had to let him know, 'Dude, I got kids older than you.'  So obviously, we need to stop trying to sell the GI Bill and start promising gold doubloons, rubies, and other such booty (sic).
• You Republican honks are killing me with the question, "Why have we not heard anything more about Obama's campaign promises?  He just said those things to get elected."  First of all, he is not the president yet.  If I could get a job and not have to 'go to work' right away, I will take my time too.
• Please go away:

1. Joe the Plumber
   
2. Sarah Palin
   
3. Madonna/Mr. Madonna and your whole divorce fiasco (Go to Mexico)
4. All you dudes out there driving Volkswagen Beetles with the flower
   
5. The Clinton's (Bill and Hill, wherever Chelsea is .... go there)
   

• The Al-Qaeda number two guy, Al-Zawahiri tossed a racial slur at PE Obama, Condi Rice, and Colin Powell.  Dude .... could you have found a more up-to-date term other than 'house negro'?  Julian Bond and Al Sharpton don't even use 'negro' anymore.  We, as in Black people, are waaaaaaaaayyyy pass 'house negro' these days.  If you want to get under the skin of a brother, make the claim that he has 'b!tch-a$$' ways or question his street credibility.
• Ice Cube should be banished from gangster rap.  Anybody in their 40's should stop proclaiming to be a gangster.  Most 40-plus gangsters are still scraping toothbrushes on the floor or trying to get acclimated to the outside world.
• A missile intercept test in Hawaii failed.  WTF .... I'm headed to my basement chock full of Spam and Spam-associated products now.  The failed test cost $55 million, for half of that I could fit 3 more people in the basement and they can have two slices of fried SPAM.

That's my time .... Please tip your waitress and don't forget to try the veal.

I'm out to try and Hi-Jack something .... Peace.

'W' please go quietly ...

'W' put out feelers to certain publishing houses about crafting his memoirs and the silence was deafening.  Understandably so, I mean is there anything to gain from reading his view on the last eight years?  Bush is not a guy with the great gift of subterfuge, so the things he directed as President and the motives are fairly clear, so I don't think the general public is ready for the Bush book tour which would surely include an appearance on 'The View' and Elizabeth Hasslebeck's GOP lap dance (I just threw up in my mouth).

So in the absence of hearing G-Dub stammer about the behind the scenes events of the last eight years, comes news that '43' will more than likely follow the lead of Harry Truman and recuse himself and fellow crooks ... er .... cronies from testifying before any court that has questions on who knew what when CIA agent Plame was exposed, why attorneys that were not compliant with Bush edicts were fired, why were GITMO detainees denied an opportunity to speak with anyone other than the guys that were torturing them, etc.

The right to escape or block such inquiries was brought to light in '53 after Truman left and Eisenhower took over and the country wanted to know how an individual that had at one point been labeled a Communist could be appointed head of the International Monetary Fund by the Fair Deal author.

Truman quickly had his lawyer's draft a letter explaining that any testimony that he could offer would be a violation of trust to the office that he no longer held and the '53 Congress backed off even though there was no legal precedence that gave him that true power.

Since then, Nixon used the Truman reference to dodge Watergate testimony and now Poppy's eldest boy is poised to block any questions citing the same incident.  Somehow the Jack Nicholson scene from 'A Few Good Men' comes to mind, "You can't handle the truth!!!!"

Please Mr. Bush, go quietly into that good night ...

Get Out of My TV ...

I can be more tolerant than most people would guess.  I give most people a pass as they try to fabricate the image they chose to present to the outside world - up to two particular points.  Don't try to convince me when I know better (especially when you don't make a salient point) and overexposure is never a good thing for anybody, anytime, no matter the circumstance.

With that being said, I have pushed away from the table, but yet I am being force fed a spoiled helping of Sarah Palin and the retching spasms have started.  Somebody please take her off my TV before I end up deep sixing in the same fashion as Jimi Hendrix or Mama Cass Elliot.  

Governor, you are exceeding your fifteen minute limit.  Every moment over the limit is causing excruciating pain to everyone capable of receiving television broadcast transmissions.

People, Please .... There are still more than 60 days before the Inauguration.

In case you have been under a rock for the last week or so, the senator from Illinois has gain the confidence of this nation and been elected President. 

After taking a short breath, President-elect Barack Obama (sounds weird, huhn) has stayed just as busy vetting potential cabinet members and assuring as smooth a transition into the White House as possible. Winning the honor to lead this country was a daunting task. Becoming the Commander and Chief is even more daunting. To deal with those that still have not come to grips that Obama will be President and would be better served by not having to deal with inane babble is insurmountable.

The first salvo of ignorance that has crossed the bough of out latest political results comes from Congressman Paul Broun (R), GA. Broun has added this into the flow back tank of stupidity with the following statement:

It may sound a bit crazy and off base, but the thing is, he's the one who proposed this national security force. I'm just trying to bring attention to the fact that we may -- may not, I hope not -- but we may have a problem with that type of philosophy of radical socialism or Marxism. That's exactly what Hitler did in Nazi Germany and it's exactly what the Soviet Union did. When he's proposing to have a national security force that's answering to him, that is as strong as the U.S. military, he's showing me signs of being Marxist.

Then later:

We can't be lulled into complacency," Broun said. "You have to remember that Adolf Hitler was elected in a democratic Germany. I'm not comparing him to Adolf Hitler. What I'm saying is there is the potential of going down that road.

My friends (or my fellow prisoners ... as McCain said), if you can excuse my sensitivity in this matter, please don't take it as a point of being upset that a gentleman from a historically racist southern state has besmirched such a momentous occasion as the first person of color being chosen to lead this country by comparing him to Adolf Hitler, but more to the fact that he made the Hitler reference and then tried to back away by curtailing his insert-foot-in-mouth statement by saying that he is not comparing Obama to Hitler (as if we have no sense of deductive reasoning).  But to further illustrate that this man's mouth is way out in front of his thinking, he ends the statement with the warning that whereas he is not making the Hitler comparison, that is possibly where we are heading.

Gaul?  maybe .... Lameness??  For sure.

First off, Mr. Broun, to think that a person that has been duly elected and will be under the amount of scrutiny that President-elect Obama will see, can turn this country into the type of regime that Hitler led Germany is ludicrous at best.  The idea of a Homeland security force is not an Obama original, but was/has been sought out by members of the Republican party since 9/11.

So if anything, Broun is uneducated on the facts.  Reason enough to not shoot your mouth off about someone you really don't know, but far from a deterrent.

But all in all, Obama has not had a full two weeks to wrap in head around what it is that he has sought.  Give the guy a chance to sit in the Oval office and smell the rich Corinthian leather and to marvel at the mahogany appointments.  Give him the "Oh Sh!t, What have I gotten into" moment before you start with the all out hatery assault.  Whether it is motivated by pure hate, prejudice, jealousy, envy, or whatever - he deserves that much.  The tactic of generating fear of a President Obama did not work in the Democratic primary, the general election, and now after it is a done deal, they will have little effect at least until the man has started serving as the country's leader.

Marxist?  Hitler?  dictator?  Are you kidding me?

Sept 1

When the Magic is gone ....

http://www.cnn.com/2007/SHOWBIZ/TV/10/22/people.copperfield.ap/index.html

When I first saw this story it took me back to the fateful day in '91, weeks before the NBA season was to tip. I was playing TechmoBowl with my boy JLove (I finally got the Giants D to stop Hershel Walker from getting to the corner) and we got the news that 'Magic' Johnson was retiring from the Lakers to deal with the HIV virus that he had contracted (speculation abound, suffices to say, I never looked at Eddie Murphy and Arsenio Hall the same way). The Magic was truly gone from the NBA that very day.

Back to present day, your boy D. Copperfield is getting hounded by the cops for ... well ... for being a magician. The allegation at hand is that Copperfield forced himself on an unidentified woman and therefore authorities have searched his magicians warehouse (secret hideout??) and the Las Vegas theater (secret lair??) in which he commonly does new tricks (hahaha .... check the double entendre!!! Does it count if I have to point it out??)

The trick ... ahem .... young lady launching these allegations refused to give details on how Copperfield came on to her, but describes different locations in which Dave tried the SnakeCharmer on her. Dave's manager was quoted as saying that Copperfield did not do this because he does not have to (I did not have to feel up Ms. Theopilous back in the 6th grade, but that sari did not cover everything and I was a sixth grader with raging hormones), but he does have a certain point. Magicians have an uncanny nack for creeping up on some of the most choice dime pieces. Copperfield had a six year relationship with super model Claudia Schiffer, recently Chris Angel managed to place Britney Spears under a spell (but reports state that Jack and Coca-Cola can not actually be counted as a potion).

Copperfield more than likely used the same powers that he used to convince audiences that he could make Lady Liberty disappear or when he walked through the Great Wall of China. The young lady can not really give a full account of what happened exactly, but when she finally came to her senses she noticed a lot of glitter on erogenous areas, a magic wand, top hat w/ rabbit, and a cape stuck to her back (Copperfield supermanned that oooohhhhhh!!!!!).

So just like Magic Johnson, Copperfield will be back from this to mesmerize us with that thousand mile stare and elevator music. But if you are a hot chick and find yourself around Dave don't look him in the eyes.

They Cannot Be Serious ...

For the Love of a Good Cape ...

I just checked the latest 'X-Men' pic in the afternoon (unbeknownst to my boss). Anybody that has ever read anything that I have ever written know that I am struck by the oddest isht that may occur everyday. While peepin' X-Men: The Last Stand, I realized that I need a cape.

Now not everyone that is endowed with certain powers can pull off the cape. If your powers are limited to feats of strengths that don't equate in being airborne or great mental skill that is limited where levitation is concerned, there is no need for a cape. If you can transcend space and time, fly, or leap and soar for extended periods of time, you need and cape. Unless you have wings which makes the whole point redundant.

How cool is it to have a cape?

I never understood why Batman has a cape. Can't fly, levitate, nor does he have tremendous leaping skills. Maybe it is meant to hide those secret gadgets. I don't know. My thought is that he thought they it was particularly stylish, but I am a more functional guy.


Dracula wore a cape even though when he chose to fly he turned into an entirely different form all together. I think that is a major abuse of cape.


I know that the cape is really not aiding anyone in their ability to fly, if you can fly, you are pretty much grand-fathered in. But if you can not fly or you are flying in a form other than your presented form, major CAPE ABUSE.

As a super-hero, don't get caught up in trying to garner style points. The last thing that I need to worry about as I look for someone to save me is a primping hero.It's bad enough that Superman has that hairdo and the full body tights are disturbing, but if I am in a free fall out of a building in Metropolis, beggars can't be choosers.


Shape-shifters shouldn't wear capes, nor should rocket propulsion guys like Tony Starks (aka Ironman).

And how ridiculous would it be if Captain America chose to rock the cape.

When Factual Report Collide w/ Everyday Life ....

I ran across a CNN Technology report today:

Official: Africans pay $1,800 for 1GB of data

http://www.cnn.com/2006/TECH/internet/05/18/Africa/index

You can read it for yourself, but apparently the Minister for Information and Communication Mutahi Kagwe stated that the cost of consumer internet service in Africa is around $1800 compared to the roughly estimated $20 in the US and other parts of the world. This is apparently cause by the lack of cable infrastructure in Africa and the hassle of routing services to all parts of the world in order to get a signal.

I fell for my African brethren, because I would have a hard time dealing with the forays of today's world without the ability to connect to the world wide web. I would have trouble finding out what is hot in the streets. I would have to go back to placing my sports bets through a bookie and avoid him when I lose big. And god forbid that I would have to lift a phone to communicate with the outside world. And yes, I would have to renew my porn subscriptions.

Minister for Information and Communication Mutahi Kagwe delivered his report on the deprived state of his country by way of an interpreter and this is where this whole thing is sitting worse than those three day old Chinese pea pods that my wife warned me not to eat. Anytime a story is filtered through an interpreter there is too much gray area for mis-interpretation or deception. I believe what we are facing here is a prime example of how rampant dishonesty is by people of certain positions in under developed nations. I can not fault Kagwe because I think that he is simply unaware, but the interpreter Bitange Ndemo may be in a plot to pull some wool.

How can it be so expensive for Africans to use the internet? How is it that they don't have the money to build the infrastructure for cheaper web services? Just yesterday, I received an email from a gentleman that was the comptroller for a courier service there that was holding $15M cash that was supposed to be delivered to a long lost relative of mine. All he needed is my personal financial information to have the funds released to me. Now I just would not feel right accepting that cash knowing that there are people in that country that would have to pay almost 2G's to download porn. Plus, if it is so hard to get the internet, then how did this guy find me?

Something is just not right .....

I often try to avoid being the nemesis in someone else's reality. Whoever and however a person has formed their reality, so be it. If you like it, I love it. And as long as it does not interfere with my reality or assaults my sensibilities, I have no real objection to anything anyone else will do. Until today ......

Today I ran across a picture that invaded my RSS aggregator and it grabbed my sensibilities by the neck and shook us damn near to the point of passing out. I don't know anybody in this picture and the is no real story behind it.

What it does is give me justification for opposing any stance for same sex marriage.

Ricky Williams donning a wedding dress was probably a cathartic and liberating experience for him, but it was staged to make the point that there would eventually be a divorce between Williams, Ditka, and the New Orleans Saints organization. This guy in the picture above sports the wedding dress in gayful bliss of the nuptials of spending a lifetime with his homey.

Not that there is anything WRONG with that.

What become so harsh is the fact that this guy makes for one of the most gruesome brides that I have ever seen - whether serious or staged.

I know that I had very little to do with making the wedding pictures that my wife and I share palatable. It was all her and she carried the photo shoot and made the pictures worthwhile.

So yes, as shallow as it may sound (and I have been known to be as deep as a thimble), I oppose same sex marriage because of the ugly wedding photos. Now some may say, 'Hold on, what about two women? That's art right?' Yes, they would be correct. Two women 'being' together late night on SkineMax is art. The union between Butch and the Lipstick is not art and the thought of Butch suiting up in a tux for the picture gives my stomach the same feeling I had when I wonder what Elvis saw in Peanut Butter, Banana, and Bacon Sandwiches.

.... And I Don't Mean That In A Good Way.

"You'se a Nigga and I don't mean that in a Good Way!!"
- Bernie Mack Impersonator, Intro
Kanye West, The College Dropout


As a matter of race, being the only, the first, or being associated as a pioneer for your people in you field is always a milestone that deserves some respect. Martin Luther King Jr. was not the first to speak about the oppression of people and the tyranny of the establishment - he wasn't even the first Martin Luther to do it, nor the first person of color. But he was first to declare that the system was wrong for black people and declared that he would protest and not strike back when struck upon (not my personal favorite philosophy, but hey ...).

History is wrought with the discarded carcasses of brothers down with the cause and giving their last breath to express their agenda. Every one of the members of the Black Panther Party that were part of the vanguard * were discredited and defamed within 15 years of the groups official disbanding. Bobby Seal was labeled a lunatic, Huey Newton, a crack-head, Eldridge Cleaver, Geronimo Pratt, jailed and so on. These were bright, young men who wanted better for their people and took seldom compromised stands in order to get the means to their end.

In this new era, The New World Order, how could we expect our revolutionary Negroes to remain the same as they have been? In today's time, gone is the sit-in approach. Even the Jesse Jackson Shake Down method has become passe and the establishment has found counter-measures.

From the world of NASCAR, this weekend came one of the most glaring examples of the New Negro attitude, and not from a twenty something, new to the ways of the world, trying to topple the status quo before he is thirty. But from a gentleman who has been around the block. Bill Lester had been a Hewlett-Packard engineer before leaving that behind to drive Craftman trucks. The forty something year old man has declared to everyone that would place a mic before him that they should stopped referring to him as a Black driver and stop making point that he is the third Black man to qualify for a NASCAR event. He is just a driver and wants to be noted as such.

Where have our pioneers gone? Where are those that proudly represented the race of the person they saw staring back at them every morning and only person that will be with them throughout all trials.

Bill, you are Black and in a venue dominated by those unlike you, you will stick out like an apple bottom. Be proud to represent your accomplishment as a Black man. Race like Hell and rejoice in the fact that you have not, by appearances at least, sold out. That makes you even Blacker and Stronger. I have not accomplished any first as a Black man in my profession, but often I go several days at the "mill" and not see another brother. I am looked at as a reference point to most things Black and new to White people at work. Lexicon for slang, rap music reference, and conscience for my race, I embody it all. But because the rest of the family rely on me to bring a check home, I can not truly show them how black I can be by cussin' their asses out of my office with that bullshit and slamming the door - knowing that the knob would cause irreparable damage to their spine because of the lack of ass to protect it.

But Bill and I nonewithstanding, there is an old time Black that has never gone away, but has had a image over-haul. The Uncle Tom or House Negro. Tom as he is known affectionately as in most ghetto's has been revamped. He used to only handle domestic affairs and never getting firsthand information from the big house. Now he is showcased, promoted, and put out front to show the general public that hand of the puppetmaster is not as uncomfortable as some would think. Claude Allen, Code Rice, and Colin Powell have been the most recent example. Embracing their employer and not taking a stand that would matter in the same communities that they come from. Putting themselves in position to be simmered down to a paste that is used as administration glue and nothing left to give afterward. Powell's hiatus after public service has been dogged by having to explain some crap that he was not down for in the first place. Conde Rice had to be removed from security service all together and she is still called to the carpet on who made the call that there were WMD's. But the saddest of the triumverate of Negro tools is Allen. He was so ambitious to be a political star that he completely sold 100% of his soul and now blames his brother for a series of petty crimes that eventually lead to his resignation.

So Bill all and all, embrace your Negritude. In the end, it's all you have sometimes and if you give it away, someone, somewhere will remind you that you are, what you are.

Public Service Announcement ....

I never admitted to being a fan, but the shows are interesting in it's content and general message. Friends say that the show is laugh out loud funny, but I have not been moved in such a manner (not even with laugh aids). There is humor at the "stick" that is poked at black people (the way we are, the things that we do, or say), but it is funny because of the common link (heard it, seen, said it). For your entertainment, Enjoy as much as I could find.

Episode One (Garden Party)


Episode Two (R. Kelly)


Episode Three (A Pimp Named Slickback)


Episode Four (Nigga Moments ...)


Episode Five (Don't Drop the Soap)


Episode Six (Gangstalicious)


Episode Seven (Christmas)


Episode Eight (Bitches ...)


Episode Nine (Return of the King)

How stupid can you be?

To those who much is given can a little common sense be expected?

Former Virginia Tech QB, Marcus Vick has found himself at odds with almost everything his lot in life has afforded him. Not to say that he has led his life into some morbid decline to which we have to watch like a bad wreck just to see the number of casualties that will be pulled out. Marcus has been extremely blessed by the proxy of his older brother, Ron Mexico.

Since taking the QB helm at Virginia Tech, Lil Mexico has been charged with:

• Serving alcohol to minors,
• Assault,
• Possession of marijuana,
  
• Speeding and driving on a suspended license,
• and Brandishing a firearm.

This is not to mention his exploits during games, which include, but are not limited to:

• shooting the bird at fans in W. Virginia,
• and stomping Elvis Dumberville in his last game as a Hokie.

definitely not the behavior of a Mexico and I am sure Mama Mexico taught him better.
However these type things are in character with a spoiled kid. And so it is hard to imagine a youngster from Newport (Bad News) News, VA not understanding how to humble himself when there is a good deal on the line. It is hard to imagine the strongest hustler from Bad News not recognizing his surroundings and governing himself accordingly. It is hard to imagine, considering his background, that some system of self-check not being deployed.

From the Speakerbox ...

I usually post when there are things so absurd that I feel I have to poke fun at it. Kicking someone when they are down takes more energy than most would think.

By the way, major shouts go out to those Texas Longhorns (did not have the nerve to take them on the straight up win for $1.70 on the dollar, but regardless I supported).

Former DC Mayor Marion "the *itch set me up" Berry was robbed at gunpoint by a group of adolescents that had just recently helped him carry his groceries into his DC apartment. Berry tipped the crew a ten spot and I guess they felt that wasn't enough and returned for more. Although there is so much material on Berry, all I can offer is these two bits of advice, either tip bigger or call a real estate agent. Obviously Marion did not bring it when duty called.

I have embarked on a nation-wide search for the right type of lady to comprise a new group that I am putting together. Relax P. Diddy, I am not looking to replace/compete with any of the no-talent girl groups that you are trying to put together. Although once I get my girls in place, I dare you to step into my arena. The girls that I am looking for must be willing to take no shorts. They must be able to recognize when those around them are bullshitting and take evasive action. These girls must be ready to take it to another level at any point. Recruitment has started and I have sent invitations to the following:
Mrs. Monica Conyers
http://www.jifunza.com/jifunzaNavigator.aspx?INP=http://www.jifunza.com/Articles/ViewArticle.aspx?ArticleID=5099

Video: Monica Conyers hit me in the eye ….

Monica has it all together. She can run for council office in her fair city of Detroit and she can whip some ass when a drunken club patron gets in her grill. From published reports, Rebecca Mews (the assaulted) was kicking it at the Club Crossroads with her date celebrating her birthday when the urge to re-kindle old friendships rudely intervened. Ms. Mews’ date and Mrs. Conyers made their way to the dance floor. Now Mews was put off either because her date chose to dance with Conyers or maybe they were doing the lambada in the disco, but regardless, overcome with emotion she chose to break up the little reunion between the old friends. Usually this is when I try to advise against any sudden, rash decisions. Mews got between the two “friends” and the encounter became heated between her and Conyers, which lead to Conyers dotting that eye. This was a true example of a woman that knows how to bring it at the right time. She spotted an emotional wreck waiting to happen and took evasive action expediting Mews to the emotional breakdown she was most assuredly creeping toward.

Monica, if you get this post, call me. I got a mission for you.

My next invite, goes to Rhonnel Hearn.

Hearn may not be known to the common person, and that works to her advantage. You may be out there acting a fool and before you know it Rhonnel can creep up and guerilla warfare that a$$.
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2006/01/02/AR2006010201650.html
Mrs. Hearn was in the end zone seats at the game between the Philadelphia Eagles and Washington Redskins with her family in support of her son Redskins running back Clinton Portis. During the course of the game, after the ‘Skins had blown the game open using the halfback pass, a disgruntled Eagles fan decided to share their beer with Mrs. Hearn without passing the cup.

The doused Hearn found the culprit and gave her a bit of hand-to-mouth contact. Now just as in the case above, most people that get the short end of the stick was looking for it to a degree. Once you have thrown the beer, do not claim any ownership to said sailed beverage (See how the guy that hit Ron Artest pleaded innocence and even got a couple of shots in without getting hit). But I also, doubt that a woman would commit such a heinous act. If a woman is drinking beer, she does so because she has acquired a taste. Unlike most men that are just drinking because it is a conduit to a land of detached reality and feelings of euphoria. So I assert that a gentleman in the stands spotted the Hearn crew and in his drunken state of mind, threw his beer at them. Rhonnel turned to identify where the cool, refreshing drink came from and the gent let her know. Being a woman of action and one to be trifled with, she went up in the stands and punished his date for the sins that he committed. Lesson to be learned, ‘Don’t mess with a wild card’ or ‘When your date throws beer on a woman you don’t know, separate yourself from him.’

Now, I believe Hearn and Conyers could be a duo that would wreck any tag team of those wrestling girls, any two chicks from MTV’s Real World or Road Rules that would want to fight, or the two Destiny Child members that will need something to do after Beyonce does her bounce. But I need one more chick that will make it a trio and put us in the class of Charlie and his angels. Hmmmmm … A fiery, high profile chick that will box at the drop of a hat.

My final addition will be Naomi Campbell. Although she has not been in the news lately we all know she will put hands on an assistant with out a thought of her own safety.

It is always best to fight fire with fire, and so I would like to get this group of women together to combat all the other dysfunctional women out there in the world. All a dude would have to do is drop me a line if he wants to eradicate all female drama from his upcoming function. I can either post my “Don’t Trip *itch” team at the door or have them patrol the party and let them do what they do.

From the Theatre of the Absurd .....

My life rarely resembles anything on TV, but as I watched Terrell Owens' public apology to the team that he decided weeks ago to put on BLAST for a lack of class and a quarterback that he insinuated knew nothing about the quarterback position, I caught my baby boy, out the corner of my eye, stepping up to a podium and clearing his throat.

"As y'all know, I just got my ass beat for doing something that pops warned me about 30 minutes ago. To him I would like to say, 'I'm sorry.' To my mom, I know we have not always seen eye to eye, but I have always respected your mommy skills and apologize for making comments that the roast would have been so much better had granny cooked it."

This press conference went on for a few more minutes and Chase stepped away from the mic, giving way to Bailey, his agent.

"It takes a big boy to come forward like this and I think he deserves a chance to do the things he loves to do. Yeah, the roast comment was a tad out of line, and daddy is not quite as chubby as the picture my client drew of him on the living room wall, but the remorse and contrition that he has shown in the last fifteen minutes is genuine."

The girl across the street raised her hand and asked, "What have you done for your client besides tattle on him and get him a whipping and sent to time-out?"

News cameras flash and murmurs pervade through the gathering crowd as Bailey squirms a bit.

"Next question."

All jokes aside my kids are not that bad, but the behavior similarities between Mr. Owens and the kids are glaring. In his prepared apology, which by the way, was a day after the Eagles gave him the heave-ho, T.O. apologized to everybody including the garbage man. First off, an apology is not something read and certainly not something that you have to unfold from your pocket as you take the dais. When it has come to that you are merely reciting words. It's like I used to do with co-workers that I did not particularly care for. The department birthday, get-well, or sorry to see you go card would come around and I would sign it, God Bless S. Patterson. Now those that are into semantics get it right off, but for you that are not as attuned to sarcasm, that message was more of a plea for favor from GOD for me, than the schlub that the card is intended for. The belated act of contrition from Owens was a day late and 800K short. What he issued were only words. Most have been in that position before, where you have to say something that you don't necessarily mean to get what you want.

• You are going to pay me back before my car payment is due? Uhhh. yeah yeah sure.
• Do you love me? Uhhh. Of course I do. Slide those over.

When you put yourself in a position where you have to go completely counter to a position you stated earlier only denotes that you did not issue any forethought into your position to begin with or you are just not very bright. And in the case of Owens, he seems to formulate his thoughts in every one of the 1,000 press conferences and interviews that he has done in the past week. So I can only conclude that he is just dumb. Not dumb in the sense that he is not astute or lacks knowledge, but dumb in the sense that he is so distracted by all that goes into being T.O. that he takes no personal responsibility for his actions after he has engaged. Not a good trait for anyone over sixteen.

He says that he is a fighter and fighting for what he believed in lead him to this situation. Well, if standing up for your beliefs, lead you to a cartoonist apology then your belief system needs to be checked.

This may seem a bit salty, but it more because of the critical nature. I don't live in a world in which a person can not be called on your bullsh**. In my world, you have to stand by each statement, right or wrong, and take your lumps. There is no action that I have put in motion that I can not expect later to have that specter creep up from behind and tap me on the shoulder.

So, Mr. Owens, turn and look around. The next statement of belief that you make will be the next thing you have to apologize for, so why don't you write out you apology right after you state what you believe.

Bit by Bit ...

Damn, I though of that first ....

There a millions of things that I wish I could do, but have not had the opportunity. Things that generally would express my displeasure (some say all I have is displeasure, but I digress.

Tom Cruise was stumping for his next big budget piece of crap that he is about to drop on the viewing public, when four dudes posing as a foreign TV crew, rolled up with trick mic in hand. The renegade reporters got Cruises attention during a walk down the red carpet on the way to a screening of 'War of the Worlds'. Personally, I have had bowel movements that I anticipated more than this -- ahem -- crap. The reporter in this fake crew held the mic to Tom's face and squirted water or something that appeared to be water. A livid Cruise called the guy a jerk and referred to the prank as nasty.

HOW I MISSED OUT:
I have always wanted to squirt Cruise for something to let him know that Minority Report, M.I.P 2, Vanilla Sky, Magnolia, Interview with a Vampire, and on and on were unadulterated crap.

Leo DiCaprio was partying with Paris Hilton's ex-videomate (those racoon eyes were hilarious) when a angry female broke through to crack Leo with a beer bottle. No ambulance was called out during the 4am incident, but Leo had to get 12 stitches. Maybe he will start choosing better roles now.

HOW I MISSED OUT:
Leo is under the impression that he is the bast thing in Hollywood, if River Phoenix had not been taken, Leo would be on the Long Beach exit ramp with a Will Act for Food sign.

Bit by Bit ...

Damn, I though of that first ....

There a millions of things that I wish i could do, but have not had the opportunity. Things that generally would exprees my displeasure (some say all I have is displeasure, but I digress.

Tom Cruise was stumping for his next big budget piece of crap that he is about to drop on the viewing public, when four dudes posing as a foreign TV crew, rolled up with trick mic in hand. The renegade reporters got Cruises attention during a walk down the red carpet on the way to a screening of 'War of the Worlds'. Personally, I have had bowel movements that I anticipated more than this -- ahem -- crap. The reporter in this fake crew held the mic to Tom's face and squirted water or something that appeared to be water. A livid Cruise called the guy a jerk and referred to the prank as nasty.

HOW I MISSED OUT:
I have always wanted to squirt Cruise for something to let him know that Minority Report, M.I.P 2, Vanilla Sky, Magnolia, Interview with a Vampire, and on and on were unadulterated crap.

Leo DiCaprio was partying with Paris Hilton's ex-videomate (those racoon eyes were hilarious) when a angry female broke through to crack Leo with a beer bottle. No ambulance was called out during the 4am incident, but Leo had to get 12 stitches. Maybe he will start chosing better roles now.

HOW I MISSED OUT:
Leo is under the impression that he is the bast thing in Hollywood, if River Phoenix had not been taken, Leo would be on the Long Beach exit ramp with a Will Act for Food sign.